Page 8 of Heartstruck

Alli

Four years ago

The summer trip to Carolina Beach Lake is everything I’ve wanted to do with my childhood friends ever since Evelyn gushed about her own summer adventures.

I breathe in the scent of pine and campfire smoke, wishing there was a candle that smelled exactly like this place.

A few of our middle school friends made a pact to go camping once we were older and got our licenses.

Fast forward years later, we’re about to be juniors at Skyline.

We’ve set up camp a short distance from the water, the crackling flames from the campfire setting a cozy glow on our faces as we gather around, laughing and chatting.

I grab a blanket and settle in close to the fire, enjoying the comforting warmth. The blend of Beckham’s guitar strumming and his voice fills the air. Others are off to the side, playing beer pong. It’s one of those perfect summer nights where everything feels surreal and nothing can go wrong.

In a seriously twisted series of events during truth or dare, Jared and I hooked up. Weirdly enough, it felt right and good, exciting and confusing. I never thought losing my virginity would happen this summer, let alone to someone I’ve known since middle school.

I’ve never thought of Jared that way. He’s my best friend’s brother and always the class clown, the guy who thought a well-timed prank could save him from any detention or late homework.

I mean, he once convinced the whole class that the chemistry lab was haunted just to avoid a pop quiz.

Seeing him in a different light feels a bit like realizing your favorite childhood toy has suddenly become a real-life superhero.

We always had this push-and-pull, flirty relationship but never acted on it. To me, he was just a childhood friend, then he mutated into one of the hottest guys in our class. In a flash, I imagine what being more than friends would look like, of us being a real couple.

I sit by the fire, pushing those thoughts aside when Mia and I decide to make a quick trip to the local store for some extra supplies. We chat about the day’s adventures and our plans for the rest of the summer as we drive, the radio playing in the background.

The store is small but stocked with everything we need.

When we return, the campsite is quieter than before.

Most of our friends have either separated into more secluded areas or gone back to the cabin that Mia’s parents rented for us.

The fire dies down, its warmth less intense but still comforting.

I notice a small group gathered near the edge of the campsite, their voices low yet animated.

I carry the snacks to the table, trying to remain casual, but my curiosity gets the better of me. As I approach, I hear bits and pieces of the conversation.

“I’ve always thought Jared was great,” Lily says, her tone teasing, but there’s something else behind it, something a little more serious. “I might just make my move this summer.”

“Jared Collins? You used to friendzone him back in seventh grade,” Luca quirks an eyebrow. “What’s changed?”

Lily sighs. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve just started seeing him differently. He’s grown up a lot, you know? And he’s kind of… hot now, too.”

I almost drop the marshmallows I'm holding. Hot? Jared? I mean, yeah, he’s got that tall, athletic thing going for him, and those eyes… but hearing someone else say it out loud, especially with everything that went down last night, definitely messes with my head.

Luca chuckles, shaking his head. “Good luck with that. He’s not exactly the settling-down type.”

Lily lowers her voice, a mischievous gleam in her eyes. “Maybe he just needs the right person. Besides, I think we’d look cute together.”

I swallow, the motion thick in my throat.

Luca smirks. “Yeah, right. Jared doesn’t date. He won’t settle down until he finds ‘the one,’ which likely won’t happen until college.”

“How do you know that?” Lily defies.

“I’ve known Jared for a while. Trust me, he’s not looking to settle down right now.”

“But—”

Luca holds up a hand. “Lily, don’t get your hopes up, okay? You’ll thank me later.”

My stomach knots. Jealousy? Regret? I set the snacks down, trying to keep my expression neutral, when in reality, my heart sinks.

Luca’s words hit me like a bucket of ice water, making my earlier daydreams feel like just that, a dream.

It’ll never happen between us. He’s not the type to date girls, let alone someone he’s known for so long.

What was I thinking? Us hooking up didn’t mean anything.

It shouldn’t mean anything. I force a smile as I set down the snacks and join the group, trying to mask my inner turmoil.

“Hey, Alli,” Lily greets me with a friendly smile once she sees me. “Did you find all the good snacks?”

“Yeah, we’re all set,” I reply, my voice sounding more cheerful than I feel. “Got stuff to make s’mores.”

We settle back into the circle around the fire, and I try to shake off the conversation I overheard.

The group is still lively, laughing and joking, but I sit there with my mood completely shot.

I force myself to smile and join in, but it feels fake.

The crackling of the fire and the tender waves from the ocean make the night feel perfect and ideal, yet I can’t really enjoy it.

The night progresses, the energy of the group winds down.

One by one, everyone heads to their rooms, leaving me sitting by the dimming fire.

I try to shake off the awkwardness and disappointment, but the thoughts won’t leave me.

It’s only then that I hear footsteps approaching.

I look up to see Jared walking over, a casual but also indecipherable expression on his face.

He takes a seat beside me, and for a moment, we sit in silence, the only sound being the dying campfire.

Jared glances over at me, breaking the silence. “You’ve been kind of quiet tonight. Everything alright?” His voice is smooth like velvet, and there’s a genuine concern that makes my heart leap in my chest.

“I’m fine,” I reply, trying to sound convincing, but my voice lacks the usual confidence.

“No, you’re not,” Jared insists, his tone firm but gentle. “You’ve been off all night. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

I glance over at Jared, the words from Lily and Luca still ringing in my ears. A hesitation lingers in me, and I stop myself from bringing up the conversation I overheard. After all, he’s single, I’m single, and maybe it’s not worth making a big deal out of.

“Last night, what happened between us…” I swallow, feeling the words catch in my throat. “It shouldn’t have happened.”

Jared’s eyes stay locked on mine, his stare intense. “Why do you say that?” His voice is low, but there’s a sharpness of bewilderment beneath it.

I take a slow breath, searching for the right words. “Things feel different now. I don’t want it to change things between us or my friendship with Serena.”

I’m flat out lying.

Serena wouldn’t care if we dated or not. The real reason I’ve been off all night? I can’t bring myself to admit it. How do you even say something like that out loud?

Sorry, Jared, I think I might’ve caught feelings for you after I lost my virginity to you, but I overheard you don’t really date and you’d rather hook up than settle down.

“Serena wouldn’t… she doesn’t care what I do.

” He says. I watch his face closely, trying to gauge his reaction, but I can’t read him.

He takes a breath, his eyes locking onto mine, like he’s trying to figure me out.

Then he nods, his voice quiet but intense.

“I get it. I mean, if it was just a fling to you, I wouldn’t want it to complicate things either. ”

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. A fling? My heart sinks as his choice of words rings painfully in my mind. It feels like a dismissal, a belittlement of what happened between us. I force myself to hide my expression, but I can’t hide the hurt in my eyes.

“That’s not what I meant, it’s not… Alli,” Jared says quickly, seeing my reaction. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just thought—”

“So, I was just a side quest. Got it, Jared. I fucking get it.”

Without waiting for a response, I stand up abruptly. The tears that have been threatening to fall finally break free, streaming down my face as I walk away from him, feeling my world crashing in a matter of minutes.