Page 29 of Heartstruck

Alli

The crisp autumn air smells like fallen leaves and cinnamon. Campus is buzzing tonight, more alive than usual. Everyone’s shaking off the stress from midterms, ready to enjoy a much-needed break, and the bars are packed.

I’m still getting ready for the night, adjusting the hem of my blouse.

It’s a simple look, nothing too fancy, but enough to make me feel confident.

I check my reflection one last time, my dark hair loose around my shoulders, the soft curls brushing against my collarbone.

A hint of makeup highlights my features, the deep red lipstick bringing out the rich brown in my eyes.

I’m a nervous wreck. The whole night’s meant to be fun, but all I can think about is how I’ve been lying to my best friend that I’m not really dating her brother.

It’s been eating at me. Lately, our FaceTime calls have been short, just a quick “hello” and “how are you,” but I know she senses something’s off.

How do I even begin to tell her that the relationship she’s been so excited about is fake? That the whole thing started as some ridiculous favor to keep girls away from Jared. And now… now I don’t even know what we are. Not after everything that’s happened between us.

I’m coming to terms with my feelings about him, but even then, I don’t know how to approach it. I’m getting déjà vu from the summer I turned sixteen. Back then, I couldn’t handle Jared’s sudden rise in popularity in high school, and look where that got me. Heartbreak.

Fast forward to our sophomore year, and it’s like someone pressed play again, pulling us back into each other’s orbit, unwilling to pause on this… whatever this relationship is.

It’s starting to feel real. When did it start to feel real? When he brought me food, or when he came over just to do puzzles? Maybe it was during our lab assignments, when we’d steal glances, hoping the other wouldn’t notice.

How do you confess something that wasn’t supposed to happen? It’s like I’m caught in this weird in-between, where everything feels too real to be fake, but not real enough to say it confidently.

And I’m losing control.

I hate it.

Before I know it, my phone starts buzzing with an incoming FaceTime call from Evelyn.

I hesitate, staring at the screen, my thumb hovering over the “accept” button.

A part of me is tempted to let it ring and avoid the conversation altogether.

But I know Evelyn; she won’t stop calling until I pick up.

With a sigh, I swipe to answer, forcing a smile that barely touches my lips.

“Hey, Evie,” I say, doing my best to sound casual, even though my stomach feels like it's tied in knots.

“Finally! You’re alive!” her voice is chipper, but there’s a teasing edge to it. “You’ve been MIA all week. What have you been up to?”

My forced smile falters slightly. If only she knew. I put on a neutral smile. “Nothing much lately. I’ve been studying for midterms. You?”

“Got off early since I finished my assignment ahead of the deadline. So… I’ve been thinking of coming home for Thanksgiving in a couple of weeks. Will you be home?”

I let out a quiet sigh, thinking about her mom’s reminder about Thanksgiving sinking in. The holiday is meant to be a time of family and feeling cozy, but now it feels like a ticking time bomb.

“Yeah,” I force the words out, my voice sounding fake. “I’ll be home.”

Evelyn’s face lights up with excitement, the corners of her mouth stretching into a wide grin. “Awesome! We should totally plan a girls’ night. Invite Serena too! I haven’t seen her since your graduation.”

“That sounds… great,” I reply, trying to sound enthusiastic despite the knot forming in my gut.

“Everything okay? You sound off.” Evelyn’s brow furrows.

I immediately plaster on a grin, hoping to smooth over the emotional cracks. “I’m fine.”

Her gaze sharpens. “ No mientas .” She knows me too well. My fake smile never gets past her.

My shoulders slump slightly, the brown strands slipping through my fingers like a nervous habit I can’t shake. “I’m not,” I lie. “I’m just getting ready to go out tonight.”

Evelyn’s eyes widen in surprise. “You’re going out? Oh my god, let me see your outfit!”

I mentally roll my eyes. She has been convincing me since freshman year to go out and enjoy student life. I always told her I was too busy. Win for her.

I rise from my desk and prop my phone against something to show her my outfit. The hem of my top rides up slightly, and the fit of my high-waisted jeans hugs my curves just right.

Evelyn’s eyes go wide, and she gasps dramatically. “ Dios mío , you look amazing! Seriously, you’re killing it tonight.”

A laugh escapes me despite my nerves.

“Thanks,” I say, smoothing down the hem of my blouse. “It’s kind of last minute, but it works.”

“It more than works. You’re going to have so much fun tonight!” She assures with an approving nod, then her gaze mellows. “And hey, I know you’ve got a lot on your plate, but you deserve to have some fun, okay? Don’t overthink it.”

Her words hit deeper than I expected. I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat as I give her a quick smile. “Yeah, I’m excited.” But even as I say it, I know I’m still holding back, trapped between wanting to let go and fearing what will happen if I do.

“And be safe… if you know what I mean.” She says with a wink, her tone playful yet laced with a seriousness that sends a shiver down my spine. “Don’t want you to make mistakes.”

The way she emphasizes “mistakes” sends my heart racing, and suddenly, I feel the weight of my secret hanging heavily between us.

A thousand unspoken thoughts swirl in my mind, each one battling for attention.

What if I let my guard down tonight? What if I get caught up in the moment with Jared and it all goes sideways?

The idea of facing Evelyn’s scrutiny after what’s been happening with me and Jared feels like a tightrope walk over a pit of anxiety.

I love Evelyn, don’t get me wrong. She’s one of my closest cousins out of the bunch, but she has a tendency to act and think just like her mom. When those random moments come, it overwhelms me to no end.

“Alright, alright,” I reply.

Olivia knocks on my door and pops her head in. “Hey, Jared’s here. Good looking boyfriend you locked down.” She winks and turns to leave. “I’m going home for the weekend, take care! Bye!”

I blink, processing what she just did.

The words hang in the air, and I feel my chest tighten.

Hell, I’m not even sure what Jared and I are.

“ Hola, Allison Castillo? Boyfriend? Jared Collins ? As in Serena’s brother? You’re dating Jared? The guy who broke yo—”

My eyes dart to the screen immediately. “I’ll talk to you later!” My voice is a little too rushed as I end the call and toss my phone onto the bed.

Taking a deep breath, I smooth down the front of my outfit, trying to calm my nerves. I can already hear Jared’s deep voice laughing at something on the TV, which doesn’t help.

Do I even have the energy to pretend everything’s fine?

I step out of my room, the conversation forcing me to dry the sweat on my hands. When Jared turns and sees me, a grin spreads across his face, his eyes lighting up. It catches me off guard, fading the whirlwind of thoughts and doubts away.

“There she is,” he says, leaning back on the couch, totally relaxed like he owns the place. “Thought you were hiding from me.”

“Just… finishing up a call.”

He raises an eyebrow in doubt. He always knows when something’s bothering me, and honestly, that might be the most frustrating part about him.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just cousin stuff.” I wave it off, moving to sit down next to him, but I can still feel the tension building between us, like the room isn’t big enough to hold it all. “So, Serena and Tyler are actually going to meet us at the bar. They’re running late.”

“That’s cool.” he points his thumb over his shoulder towards the door. “ready?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Jared stands up, grabbing his jacket off the back of the couch, and shrugs it on effortlessly. The casual confidence he exudes should be comforting, yet it reminds me of how unstable I feel tonight.

“Let’s go then.” He flashes me that grin again, the one that makes my heart skip a beat, even when I don’t want it to. “Unless you wanna stay and finish that call to avoid me. I don’t mind waiting for you.” He gives me a wink, sending me into overdrive.

I roll my eyes, ignoring the heat in my body. “Very funny. I’m not avoiding you. Just… don’t feel like getting into it.”

“Getting into what?” Jared’s tone stays light, but there’s something clever beneath it, like he’s fishing for more.

“Nothing, really,” I lie, pulling my jacket tighter around me, even though the room isn’t cold. “Just family stuff.”

“Alright,” he says finally, though I can tell he’s not convinced. “But just so you know, you suck at hiding when something’s bothering you.”

I shoot him a look. “I don’t suck.”

“You do,” he insists, stepping closer, his voice dropping a notch. “You get all fidgety and quiet, and you avoid looking at me, like right now.” His fingers caress my chin, tilting my head to look up at him, making my breath hitch in my throat. “You’re doing it again.”

“I’m not avoiding anything.” But the way I look down at the floor probably gives me away. Jared’s presence, his nearness, is making it harder to keep my walls up, and I hate that he sees through me so easily.

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

I glance up, his eyes are on mine, all that usual cockiness replaced by comprehension. I swallow hard, the proximity making it impossible to dodge the truth. But I can’t get into everything with Evelyn right now. I can’t even figure out what’s going on with us.

“I know,” I breathe, forcing a smile to change the mood. “But tonight’s supposed to be fun, right? Let’s not turn it into a therapy session.”

Jared watches me for longer, as if weighing whether to press me or back off. After a beat, he steps back, that stunning smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

“Fine. But I’m holding you to that. No deep conversations tonight, Castillo. Just drinks, dancing, and you trying to keep up with me.”

I let out a laugh, grateful for the shift in mood. “Oh, please. You’ll be the one struggling to keep up with me.”

“Challenge accepted.” He winks, and I feel that familiar spark between us, the one that always flares when we’re bantering. It’s easy with him until it’s not. I’m already in too deep.