Page 39 of Heartstruck
Alli
Study Brew is crowded, the hushed conversations blending with the hiss of the espresso machine. I tug at the hem of my sweater, watching Jared over the rim of my latte as he stares at his phone. The table between us feels bigger than it is, the silence stretching a little too long.
“Do you even taste your coffee, or do you just chug it?” I ask, forcing a teasing tone.
Jared glances up, startled, then smirks faintly. “Does anyone actually drink coffee for the taste?”
I roll my eyes, grateful for the familiar banter, even if it feels a little off. “Some of us do, yes. But I get it, you’re a ‘fuel over flavor’ kind of guy.”
“Gotta keep up the wide receiver energy,” he says, but the joke lands flat.
I push my cup aside, leaning forward. “Okay, what’s going on? You’ve been glued to your phone all morning. You’re not even looking at anything.”
He sighs, shoving it into his pocket. “It’s nothing, Alli. Just some team stuff, getting ready for the game.”
“Team stuff? You’ve barely touched your avocado toast and matcha latte. That’s serious,” I say lightly, hoping he’ll meet me halfway.
He shrugs, and I catch the way his jaw clenches. “Can we drop this for now?”
The words sting, but I force my face to look neutral. “This…?”
“This,” he mutters, gesturing vaguely between us. “Whatever… conversation this is supposed to be.”
“You’re always tired lately.” I say breathily, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Because I’m busy with football, classes, everything. It’s a lot.”
I bite back the retort sitting on my tongue, swallowing the words before they can escape. Pushing him now won’t fix anything. I let out a slow breath.
“I’m not trying to start something,” I say, keeping my tone even. “I just… feel like I haven’t had you lately.”
I don’t mention how things have felt off since we got back from Thanksgiving, he already knows. His eyes flick to mine, and I think I see something crack in his expression. But then he looks away, rubbing the back of his neck.
“I’m right here, Alli,” he says, but it sounds defensive, not reassuring.
“Are you?” The question slips out sharper than I intended.
He blinks, astounded, and the silence stretches again.
I let out a shaky breath, my chest tight with frustration. “Forget it,” the words come out quickly, and I can feel my heart breaking in bits and pieces. Here we go again . “I didn’t mean to—”
“No, it’s fine,” he interrupts, the bite in his voice enough to make me flinch. He grabs his latte and finishes it in one long gulp, avoiding my eyes. “I’ve got study group. I’ll catch you at the game.”
I choke back the lump in my throat, smiling through it even though it bothers me like hell. “Sure. Good luck.”
He’s already tossing his bag over his shoulder, and before I can say another word, he leans in, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek. His lips skim my skin like it’s something he does without thinking—more out of habit than anything else.
“See you later,” he says, his voice distant.
“Love you,” I say, watching him weave through the tables, his broad shoulders hunched like he’s carrying pounds of deadweight.
The door chimes as he leaves, and the café suddenly feels quieter, the chatter and clinking cups going MIA. I stare at my half-empty latte, the whipped cream gone, dissolved into a murky mess.
I know I should be angry. Or maybe hurt. But all I feel is hollow, like I’m grasping at something that’s slipping further away with every passing day. I pick at the edge of my napkin, Jared’s words replaying in my mind. Can we drop this for now?
The minutes tick by. I try to shake it off, telling myself it’s just a bad day. But deep down, a voice whispers: how many bad days does it take before it’s a bad relationship?
I glance at my phone, tempted to text him. To say something, anything, to smooth over the sharp edges of our conversation. But what’s the point? He won’t answer, or worse, he’ll send something short and perfunctory.
The idea makes my chest ache, but I push it aside, draining the rest of my coffee even though it’s cold. I force myself to focus on the game later, convincing myself we’ll be fine by then.