Page 41 of Heartstruck
Alli
“He’s such a pain,” I continue, pacing back and forth in my bedroom. “One minute he’s hot, the next he’s cold. Like, make up your damn mind, Jared!” I huff, tossing a pillow onto my bed with more force than necessary.
Serena chuckles on the other end of FaceTime while Flowers by ASTN plays through my speakers.
“Okay, so he’s an asshole. But do you want to stop caring about him, or do you just want to yell at me until you feel better?”
I pause, gripping the phone tighter. “Both?” My voice cracks slightly, and I hate how exposed I feel. “No, I mean, neither? I don’t know, Serena. He’s infuriating. I hate him. But also, I don’t.”
She goes to reply, but I’m quicker. “I don’t care about him!” I snap, but even as the words leave my mouth, I know they’re a lie. “I mean… not in that way. It’s not like I signed up for this to be anything real.”
There’s a gasp on the other end of the line. “Not real? Alli, what are you talking about?” Serena’s voice sharpens.
Shit. My brain scrambles, but it’s too late. The words are already out, and Serena’s silence feels like a spotlight.
“I—uh—” I stammer, gripping the edge of my desk like it might save me. “Nothing, forget it. I’m just venting.”
“Oh, no, no, no,” Serena says, her tone all-knowing. “You don’t get to drop a bomb like that and then backtrack. What’s not real, Alli?”
I groan, burying my face in my hands. “It’s… complicated.”
“Well, uncomplicate it,” Serena says, her voice carrying an edge of humor. “And start talking. Now.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, debating if I can wiggle my way out of this. But Serena’s relentless, and if I don’t fess up, she’ll never let it go.
“Okay, fine,” I mumble. “At first, Jared and I weren’t actually together. It was… fake.”
“Fake,” Serena repeats, the disbelief clear in her voice. “Like, you pretended to date him?”
“Kind of, yeah.” I wince, waiting for the fallout.
“Kind of? Alli, what the hell? Why would you fake date my brother of all people?”
“It’s not like I planned it!” I blurt. “He needed a way to keep girls off his back, and I—” I stop short, realizing I’m about to incriminate myself further.
“And you, what ?” Serena presses. “Why would you agree to something like that?”
I bite my lip, wishing I could rewind the last five minutes. “Because I thought it was a good idea at the time.”
“And look where that got you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Serena exhales sharply, her voice rising as her emotions spill out.
“It means I thought this would end badly. I was so worried things would go south when you told me you got together. Look what happened when we were sixteen. You guys couldn’t stand each other for months.
Do you understand how hard that was for me?
When you two hooked up, it nearly destroyed everything.
We could barely talk to each other without it being awkward for months.
It felt like I had to pick a side or watch you both fall apart, and I couldn’t do either.
And now? It’s happening all over again. History’s repeating itself, and I’m stuck in the middle again. ”
Her words hit like a slap—sharp, unexpected, and leaving a sting. My chest tightens as years of bottled-up resentment spill out of her, unraveling right in front of me.
“So that’s what you’ve been thinking all this time?” I spit, my voice shaking. I clasp my hands together mockingly, my tone dripping with sarcasm. “ ‘Wow, Alli, you ruined my sibling relationship. Why do you always have to ruin things?’ Is that it, Serena? Is that what you really think of me?”
“I never said that.” Serena’s expression hardens. The way she scoffs, the disbelief in her eyes—it cuts deep.
“You didn’t have to,” I retort. “Your tone, your face—hell, everything about this conversation screams it. God forbid Alli screws up the perfect family.”
“Do you even hear yourself?” Serena shoots back, shaking her head. “We went from you pouring your heart out about the breakup, admitting it wasn’t real, to you twisting my words into some kind of attack.”
I don’t wait. I don’t even let her finish her sentence. My thumb hovers over the phone, and before I can second-guess myself, I end the call.
The silence that follows is deafening. I’m blinded, her words stuck in my head until it’s all I can hear, see, and know. I sink onto the couch, my hands trembling as I drop the phone onto the cushion beside me.
The anger that had been fueling me drains away, leaving nothing but exhaustion in its wake. My chest aches, and my vision blurs with unshed tears, but I blink them back. I’m too emotionally drained to cry.
Pulling my knees to my chest, I wrap my arms around them, trying to make myself feel small, like maybe I could disappear into the cushions and escape this mess for just a little while.
Serena’s voice plays on a loop in my head. History’s repeating itself. Maybe she’s right. I’ve done nothing but mess everything up again.