Page 43 of Heartstruck
Alli
The pieces of my old puzzles are scattered across the coffee table, the jagged edges catching the light as if mocking me. I haven’t touched them in days; my mind’s been too busy running marathons at all hours.
It’s ridiculous, really. They’re just puzzles. Inanimate objects. But they’ve always been my escape, my way of shutting out the chaos, bringing in the peace, and focusing on something that made sense.
Lately, nothing makes sense.
The words I said to Jared replay in my mind on a cruel, endless loop: I can’t keep fighting for someone who’s already given up.
My ribs press against the air in my lungs as I pick up a puzzle piece, tracing its edge with my fingertip. I thought I was standing up for myself, setting boundaries, and protecting my heart. But now all I feel is this hollow ache, like I broke something I don’t know how to fix.
Did I go too far? Was I too harsh? Maybe I misunderstood him. I definitely did, in the heat of the moment. Maybe there’s something he didn’t say, something I didn’t catch. But how could I not see it? Was I so blinded by everything else that I let the truth slip through the cracks?
I haven’t spoken to Jared since that night. At first, I buried myself in last-minute studying, term papers, and exams, convincing myself I didn’t have time to think about him. And even buried in the silence of my room, his absence is all I can hear.
The buzz of my phone pulls me from my thoughts. For a split second, I hope it’s him. Stupid, I know. But when I glance at the screen, it’s Evelyn.
Evelyn: are you alive? haven’t heard from you in days!
Me: i’m fine. just busy with school.
Evelyn: liar. call me!
I sigh and tap her name. Her face fills the screen, framed by the moon’s glow in her room. She takes one look at me and arches an eyebrow.
“Wow, you look… great,” she says, sarcasm dripping from her words.
“Nice to see you too,” I reply, sinking into the couch cushions.
Evelyn snorts, but her smile eases. “I’ve been texting for days, and you haven’t even opened them. What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Just…” I begin to explain as I rub my temple, already dreading the conversation, “school’s been a lot.”
“And you expect me to believe that?” she replies with narrowed eyes.
I hesitate, then give up. “Fine. Jared and I broke up.”
Her jaw nearly drops, but she contains it. “Wait, what? For real? When?”
“A few days ago,” I mumble. “It wasn’t working.”
She tips her head, studying me like I’m her latest research project. “Not working how?”
I shrug, the words sticking in my throat. “It just wasn’t. It’s for the best.”
“Honestly, you guys felt different.” She hums, her gaze thoughtful.
My defenses snap into place. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Evelyn hesitates, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“What, Evelyn?”
“Between you two… Jared seems cool, but he has baggage, Alli. My mom told me about his family stuff. It sounds like a lot, maybe too much for a relationship right now.”
A sharp pressure settles in my chest, and a faint buzz hums in my ears. My grip on the phone tightens. “Everyone has baggage, Evelyn. That doesn’t make him a bad person. I can’t believe you let your mom brainwash you.”
“Hey, I’m not saying it does,” she contends quickly. “But it might mean he’s not the right person for you. You deserve someone who can meet you where you are.”
Her words sting, like a pebble lodged in my shoe. Minuscule but annoying as hell. “You don’t know him like I do,” I snap before I can stop myself.
“I wasn’t attacking him,” she says carefully.
“I’m just saying… it’s okay if it didn’t work out.
Sometimes people aren’t ready for a relationship, no matter how much you want them to be.
Look, I know my mom can be a pain in the ass, but I kind of agree with her on this.
His mom isn’t in the picture, and we’re all about family. It’s… hard to make that work.”
Heaviness takes residence in my chest. “Yeah, well, maybe you don’t get it.”
Evelyn’s big cousin mode fully kicks in. “I’m not trying to upset you, Alli. I just can’t stand seeing you like this.”
Her words hit like a punch to the gut, my chest tightening as I force a smile.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“Alli—”
“I have to go.” My voice cracks, and I hang up before she can respond.
The silence afterward feels deafening. I stare at the puzzle pieces scattered on the table, sharp-edged and incomplete. Jared always teased me about my puzzles, calling them boring, except for that night when he stayed until the last piece clicked into place.
I press a piece between my fingers, its edges digging into my skin. Maybe that’s why it hurts so much. I thought he’d fight for me. But he didn’t.
Or maybe… maybe I didn’t give him the chance.
The thought twists in my gut as I set the puzzle piece down. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to hold everything together.
I don’t know if Jared’s thinking about me. But I do know this: I miss him.
And it’s killing me.