Page 30 of Heartstruck

Jared

The bar’s packed tonight, music thumping, glasses clinking, and the smell of cheap beer in the air. It’s the usual weekend crowd, but something about being here with Alli feels different, like the vibe’s a little off-kilter in the best way. Or maybe it’s just me.

I lean against the bar, waiting for the bartender to take my order, while Alli stands beside me, close enough that her arm brushes mine every now and then. I try to play it cool, like I’m not completely aware of every small touch, every glance she throws my way when she thinks I’m not looking.

It’s been like this for a while, this push and pull. We pretend everything’s normal, like we haven’t already crossed a line, but the single push needed is always there, sizzling.

“What’s your drink tonight?” I turn to her, trying to keep the vibe going.

She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. It’s tight, like she’s trying too hard. “Just a soda, thanks.”

“Soda? Come on, Alli, live a little.” I nudge her with my elbow, but she just shakes her head.

“Not in the mood for anything strong,” her voice is quieter than usual, like her mind is miles away.

I study her for a second, waiting for her to look at me, but she’s focused on the crowd, like she’s avoiding something, avoiding me. The easy banter we usually have is missing, and I can feel it, like there’s this invisible wall between us tonight.

I don’t push it, though. Not yet. We’ve been dancing around whatever this is for too long, and if I’m being honest, I’m not sure I’m ready to break through that wall either.

When the bartender finally hands over our drinks, I pass her drink over, and we find a spot in the corner, away from the crowd. It’s quieter here, but not quiet enough to hear all the thoughts racing through my head.

I lean against the table, watching her take a sip of her soda, and before I can stop myself, I ask, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Her eyes meet mine, and I swear I see something crack in her armor. But just as quickly, she shuts it down. “Yeah, of course. Just tired.”

It’s the same excuse she’s given all night, but I know better.

The real question is, does she trust me enough to let me in?

Then again, that’s on me, isn’t it? I should be showing her that she can trust me.

That I’m not here for some game or strategy.

I never was. It could be all banter, some laughs, and great sex, but there’s more to this, at least for me.

She’s just… I wish I knew what was going on in her head.

Maybe that’s why she gets so quiet. She’s afraid of disappointing me when she says she’s not interested.

It’s Ethan Díaz who has her attention, not Jared Collins.

“Alli! Jared!” Serena’s voice cuts through the noise of the bar, and I look up to see her and Tyler weaving their way through the crowd. Tyler gives me a nod as he wraps an arm around Serena’s waist, pulling her close like he’s afraid someone’s going to steal her away.

Protective of her always.

“Hey, you two.” Serena grins, her eyes bright as she pulls Alli into a quick hug. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Alli says, giving her a tight and long hug that looks like it’s been long overdue.

When they break apart, Serena’s eyes lock on us, filled with curiosity and a hint of satisfaction, like she’s been waiting for this moment. Before I can say anything, she smirks.

“I always knew this would happen.”

I shake my head, letting out a low laugh. “Of course you did.”

But the truth is, she’s not entirely wrong. We did happen, just not in the way either of us ever planned. It wasn’t a big romantic gesture or some picture-perfect moment.

It was messy. Complicated. And now, I’m not even sure what to call it.

Serena crosses her arms with a smug look. “You know, you two have this… energy. I could always see it, even if you two were blind to it.”

Alli shifts beside me, her smile tight. I just shake my head, laughing it off. Serena’s been pushing this narrative for years, ever since that summer when we were sixteen. Not that she knows the full story. Hell, even I don’t know what to make of it.

“You and your conspiracy theories,” I joke, trying to steer the conversation into easier territory. Tyler’s smirk from the corner of my eye doesn’t go unnoticed.

He shrugs. “She’s not wrong, though.”

Serena elbows him, but she’s watching us closely, as if trying to piece together something we haven’t even figured out ourselves yet. Alli keeps her focus on her soda, swirling the cup around like it holds all the answers to her anxiety.

“Honestly, it’s just nice seeing you two together,” Serena says, her tone calming, like she’s finally putting down the matchmaker role. “You both deserve to be happy.”

Alli’s head snaps up, caught off guard by Serena’s warmth. “Yeah, it’s… been good,” she replies, but her voice wavers at the end.

Tyler clears his throat, breaking the moment. “Babe, didn’t you need to use the restroom?” He gestures toward the back hallway.

“Oh, right!” Serena links her arm through Alli’s with a pleading smile. “Come with me?”

Alli hesitates for a split second, but then nods, letting herself be whisked away. As they walk toward the long line, she glances back over her shoulder at me, her eyes filled with something I can’t name.

“So,” Tyler says, breaking the silence as he leans against the table. “How’s your mom doing, Jared? Haven’t heard much from my aunt about her.”

The question lands like a sucker punch to the gut. I don’t talk about her, not with anyone, really. But Tyler’s the type who won’t let it go, especially since his aunt works as her social worker. Small world.

“She’s…” I pause, the words sticking in my throat. “She’s fine. Still in rehab.”

Tyler nods slowly, but I can tell he’s not buying it. He crosses his arms, leaning in just a little. “Fine, huh? You sure about that?”

I exhale, raking my fingers through my hair. “What do you want me to say, Ty? Rehab isn’t exactly a walk in the park. It’s not easy for her.”

Tyler doesn’t flinch. “Yeah, I get that. But are you okay?”

The question throws me off. I wasn’t expecting him to ask about me. It’s always about her—how she’s doing, what’s next for her, when she’ll be out. No one asks me how I’m holding up, and I’m not sure how to answer.

“I’m fine,” I say automatically, my go-to response when I don’t want to get into it.

But even I don’t believe it. The truth is, it’s been hell.

And it’s not something I want to unpack right here, with the smell of cheap beer, people bumping against us here and there, and the sound of laughter packing the air around us.

“I know she hasn’t called you lately or shown up for the last few appointments.”

“I’m used to it. It’s fine, I’m fine. ”

“Man, you don’t have to pretend with me. I know it sucks. She’s still your mom, no matter what she has or hasn’t done.”

I inhale sharply to keep my emotions in check, but the truth slips out either way.

“I don’t even know if I want her to come around anymore.

Every time she does, it’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

One minute, she’s trying. Next, I don’t hear from her.

It’s like I’m the only one trying to maintain this relationship. ”

My eyes find Alli, who has moved onto the dance floor with Serena. Alli looks over her shoulder again, her eyes meeting mine briefly before she turns back. Something in the way she looks at me makes my chest tighten—like a silent invitation, a tether pulling me closer even when she turns away.

Tyler gives me that look again, the one that says he understands more than I want him to. “You still care about her, though. I know you send her money every now and then. Now that is a son who cares.”

I grit my teeth, the frustration boiling over. “What choice do I have? She’s my mom. But how many chances can I give her before I just… stop?”

Tyler leans back, giving me a moment to breathe. “Just… don’t shut people out that easily, man. Especially Alli.”

“I’m not shutting her out,” I say, though deep down I know it’s not completely honest.

Tyler shrugs, unconvinced. “Sure.”

I glare at him, frustration bubbling up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He gives a slow shake of his head. “You remember how long it took for you to open up to me? It was like pulling teeth just to get you to admit you weren’t okay. If it took that long for us, how easy do you think it’ll be for Alli?”

I know Tyler’s right, but hearing it laid out like that makes it sting. I haven’t even fully figured things out with myself, let alone let someone else see it.

Tyler continues, “If you’re not careful, you’re gonna lose her.

And not just her.” Our eyes stray over to the girls who are having the time of their lives on the dance floor, seeing each other after being apart for months.

“Alli has been there for Serena since they were kids. They’re thick as thieves.

You think Serena will ever forgive you if you hurt Alli? ”

I run a hand over my face, frustrated. “It’s not that simple.”

“It never is,” he agrees, “but that’s the thing with people who care. They’ll stick around, but you’ve got to let them in at some point.”

I fall quiet, his words plunging deep where I can’t escape.

Letting people in on my problems is something I’m not used to.

I’ve been keeping everything bottled up for so long, trying to deal with my mom, the pressure of football, and the constant expectation to be fine when I’m anything but. It’s exhausting.

“I’ll try,” I mutter, knowing that’s the best I can give him right now.

Tyler’s silent for a beat, then pats me on the back. “That’s all anyone’s asking.”

As his words settle in, I glance over at the dance floor, where Alli is lost in laughter with Serena.

The sight wrenches at something inside me, a reminder of what it feels like to be unguarded.

Maybe opening up isn’t as terrifying as I thought.

Maybe it could actually lighten the load I’ve been carrying.

“Thanks for tonight’s therapy session,” I say, the sincerity in my voice surprising even me.

Tyler pats me on the back again, harder this time, flashing a grin. “Thank me by buying me a drink. I don’t hand out sessions for free that often.”

I let out a low laugh. “Asshole.”

“Nah, just thirsty.” He shoots me a smirk before nodding toward the dance floor. “And while you’re at it, stop staring at Alli like she’s gonna vanish into thin air. She’s not going anywhere. We’re not in Infinity Wars.”

My eyes zero in on her. She’s laughing with Serena, her body swaying to the music, completely at ease. But then her gaze shifts, locking with mine. Her smile falters for the briefest moment, a flash of uncertainty crossing her face before she quickly covers it up. But I catch it. I see it.

And it’s only then I realize I’m not letting her slip away.