Page 9

SILAS

A fter our visit with Dad, Josiah and I said our goodbyes and headed for home.

“Is there anything you want to talk about?” I asked Jo as we hit the highway.

His comment about Damien being “hot” had me wondering. And worrying. Josiah had several close friends, guys and girls, but he never mentioned crushing on anyone.

He would tell me, wouldn’t he?

I wanted him to know that I supported him. Loved him no matter what. Then I thought about the fact that I hadn’t even told him I was gay. I’d known for years and still, I kept silent. When would I finally stop hiding? Guilt gnawed away at my gut.

“Anything personal?” I continued.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, your comment earlier—” I paused, uncertain about how to phrase it.

“We talked about a lot of stuff this aft, Si, you need to be more specific.”

I quickly glanced at him and then back to the road ahead of me.

Here goes nothing.

“The comment you made about Damien… I mean, Coach Banning.”

Fuck, I had to stop doing that.

“Oh, that he’s hot?”

I nodded, shifting in my seat. Nothing in life prepared me for having frank talks with my brother about sex and sexuality. Still, it was my job to ensure that he was a responsible adult in every way, and that meant, even if the conversation was difficult, I had to do it.

There was a pause of silence, and I worried that maybe I’d chosen the wrong moment to bring it up.

“Don’t you think you should say something first?” he whispered.

“What do you mean?”

“I know.”

“Know what?”

Josiah sighed.

“I saw a text, purely by accident, on your phone, a year ago. A text between you and Darby. I know you’re gay. Or you’re bi? Or pan? Whatever, it’s cool.”

That blush that burned my cheeks yesterday was back.

“I am. Gay, that is. I was going to tell you,” I replied quietly. “I was, I don’t know, waiting for the right time. It’s not that I’m ashamed of who I am, but with hockey and your recent health stuff, I?—”

“It’s okay, bro. You don’t have to talk about it. I know you’re under a lot of pressure as it is. But I wanted you to know that I know. Not saying anything’s been bothering me for a while.” Josiah let out a sharp exhale. “Fuck, I feel so much better.”

At least one of us did.

“Jo—”

“I know, language.” He chuckled. “Anyway, it’s good. We’re good. You’re my brother, and I love you. I want you to be happy.”

I bit my lower lip and nodded.

“And back to your question, I think I’m bi. Or pan,” Jo stated matter-of-factly. “Pretty sure. I mean, I find girls and guys hot.”

“Okay. You’re not, I mean, we talked about this already, but, I mean, are you—” I fumbled for words like I’d never spoken before.

I gripped the steering wheel so tight I’m surprised I didn’t wrench it from the dashboard.

“Si, we’ve had this talk. I already know all I need to about sex. And being responsible. Trust me. And no, I’m not sleeping with anyone. I’m not ready yet.”

This time, it was my turn to let out a shaky breath.

“Good. Fine. You know you can ask me anything, and?—”

“Can we change the subject? Please?” Josiah interrupted.

“Thank fuck.”

“So, do you think your Coach is hot?” he returned.

I jerked the steering wheel, but thankfully, kept us steady.

“Okay, maybe now’s a good time to exit the highway,” Josiah pointed out.

And that’s exactly what I did, taking the next exit, and the slower, but safer, route three to get home.

“No more talk about my coach,” I insisted.

“Will he be there tonight?”

I nodded. “Of course.”

“Yasss.”

“Jo,” I warned.

“What? I can’t wait to meet him. And Jace and Axel, and Dane and the rest of the team.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t happen sooner.”

“You were trying to protect me. I get it.”

“How’re you feeling this week? The new medication?”

Even with surgery, Jo would probably be on meds for the rest of his life.

“I’m fine. A bit lightheaded, and I had a headache yesterday. The pharmacist said that’s common until I get used to it.”

“If the rally is too much, you can skip it.”

“No way. I’m not missing that for anything.”

“You can only come for an hour,” I reminded him.

“That’s fine. I’m meeting up with River at Parker’s house.”

“What’s going on there?” I asked as we entered the town proper.

“The usual Saturday thing,” he replied. “Ya know, pizza, video games, smoking.”

“Smoking?”

I hit the brakes a little too hard at the light.

“Kidding.” He chuckled. “I’ll leave that filthy habit to you.”

“I’m only a part-time smoker. And I’m too young for gray hair,” I quipped.

“And that beard.”

Four hours and one nap later, I showered and got changed for the rally. This type of event was not my jam, but considering our big win, I had to be there. Hopefully, not for long. My social battery got drained quickly.

My brother, on the other hand, was excited as hell.

He’d changed three times, finally settling for his baggiest jeans, a striped T-shirt, a blue button down—unbuttoned—and a black denim jacket.

He wore—stole—my favorite pair of Doc Marten lace ups and added a trucker hat to complete the look.

Josiah had style, which was more than could be said for me.

I stuck to my usual denims, a plain white T-shirt, and my leather jacket.

I gathered my hair up into a bun, ran some beard oil over my face, and decided that was good enough.

Since Jo had my boots, I slipped on a pair of running shoes and headed for the front door.

Then I remembered to grab my clean jersey and shoved it in my backpack.

We took a rideshare to campus, so that way, I could have a few drinks and not worry.

“When I turn eighteen, can I get a tattoo?” Josiah asked me.

Today was a lot. Me coming out to Josiah. And now this?

“It would be hypocritical of me to say no,” I replied. “I’m good, as long as your doctor okays it.”

“Yes!”

“Gray hair,” I muttered to myself.

Ten minutes later, we pulled up to the campus parking lot and hopped out of the car.

Finn was already waiting by the main gates. The campus was the busiest I’d ever seen it, even rowdier than welcome week. There was music playing, lights flashing, and I swore I heard fireworks going off.

“Hey, guys.” Finn smiled at us. “Wow, Jo, cool fit.”

“Thanks.” Josiah reached over and hugged my friend. “You look great too.”

“Pfft, this old thing.” Finn motioned to his black jeans and hockey jersey.

“Si, you should’ve worn your jersey,” Josiah added.

“It’s in my bag. I’ll put it on later.” I looked at Finn. “What’s the schedule for tonight?”

“Well, everything’s happening on the football field to start. The team’s supposed to line up here, and then we’ll all walk in together. Dane told me they’ll be press and pictures. Then, the rest of the night’s ours.”

“Sounds good.” I nodded. “Jo, are you okay taking a seat by yourself in the stands?”

He rolled his eyes. “I think I’ll manage.”

“Not appreciating the sarcasm at all,” I quipped, and reached for the brim on Josiah’s hat, tugging it down.

“Hey, don’t mess with my cap.” He chuckled and shoved my hand away.

“So, where’s?—”

I didn’t finish what I was going to say because suddenly Damien stepped into my line of vision, and for a second, I couldn’t breathe properly, never mind speak. My heart raced liked I was back in that game, chasing down the puck.

It’s exhaustion. I need more than a power nap.

Yeah, I needed a fucking week to sleep off… whatever this was.

Damien was dressed casual like me, in black jeans, a gray T-shirt, and a bomber jacket.

I cracked a smile when I spotted his battered combat boots.

He looked different and it wasn’t only the clothes, but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was.

Then I realized that he still had his sunglasses on, and it was dark out.

That must’ve been some night out he’d had in Chicago.

My imagination began to work overtime as I pictured Damien in that bar, getting sweaty, and for reasons that had nothing to do with hockey.

Fuck, this is bad.

Damien finally removed his sunglasses as he walked up to us. His deep blues weren’t bloodshot, but there were dark circles underneath. Then he offered a small smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling, which gave another shock to my system.

The closer he got, the more I fidgeted, until my brother elbowed me.

“Finn, Silas,” Damien greeted us with a nod and then pinned me with his gaze. “Nice night for a rally.”

Suddenly my palms were damp. I was used to him barking out orders on the ice, not making casual conversation. Was his voice always that deep and husky? Why was I noticing now? The longer I stayed silent, the more intense his stare became.

“Coach,” I returned, my voice cracking. Ignoring Finn and Josiah’s bemused stares, I cleared my throat. “This is my younger brother, Josiah.”

Damien offered his hand to my brother and Jo readily shook his hand.

“Nice to finally meet you,” Damien replied.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Mr. Banning.”

Finn’s phone rang. “It’s Dane. I’ll be right back.”

He stepped away from us to take his call.

“So, did Silas give you the game highlights?” Damien asked my brother.

“Yeah, and all the pics and video clips. Your win was impressive. I’ve never seen anyone deke like Jace and that last goal from Axel? Unreal.”

Damien offered his rare smile to Josiah. “Do you play?”

“Defense, like Si. But that was before I got sick. But I’m doing better now. I’m hoping to get back into it next year, for fun. I love it, but I’m not going pro like my brother.”

Damien’s eyes met mine, but I quickly looked away.

“Our season’s officially over but there’ll be a team gathering before we finish up the term. We make a day of it, with competitions and prizes,” Damien replied. “You’re welcome to join us, Josiah.”

“Thanks, I’d like that,” Jo returned and nudged me. “If it’s okay with my brother.”

“Uh, yeah,” I finally replied, my mouth dry. “Why not?”

Suddenly, Damien’s phone buzzed, and he glanced at it.