Page 8

SILAS

THE NEXT DAY

T he plane ride home was quiet. No surprise, given that everyone on our team was hungover, me included. Even Banning had his sunglasses on and was passed out cold in his seat.

Huh. That was a first.

I’d thought about checking out that bar, Moonbeam, last night but decided that no, I didn’t want to be anywhere near where Coach was. What he was doing at a queer bar was none of my business. And I sure as hell didn’t want him to know mine.

Even with that, I couldn’t help but wonder, had he picked anyone up last night?

Was he gay? Bi? Why was I so fucking curious?

Chill, who cares? I don’t.

I’d blame my weird mood on being frustrated and exhausted. After all, I was up all night.

No, unfortunately it wasn’t because I got laid.

I’d hit three bars and still, it was a total shutout.

At the last bar, there was one guy who made serious eye contact, and I was stoked.

Unfortunately, when he approached me, he talked my ear off when the last thing I wanted was conversation.

Then he leaned over to kiss me, and I backed off.

He had a confident air that should’ve had me saying yes, but kissing was way too personal for me, and never with a hookup. Hard no.

My rejection had him backing up faster than a hockey player near soft ice.

No one else caught my attention, and I was so annoyed with myself. Since when was I so picky? I reasoned it was because my adrenaline was crashing. By two a.m., I was done. All I wanted was my hotel bed and sleep.

I headed back to my room, broke, still horny, wiped, and dehydrated.

I chugged a couple of bottles of water and threw myself down on my bed.

I didn’t even have the energy to jerk myself off.

Finn was dead asleep in his bed, and I envied him.

As tired as I was, sleep eluded me, and I lay there until I saw the sun peeking out from behind the heavy curtains.

I was a zombie throughout breakfast, grunting responses to my teammates instead of speaking in full sentences.

Despite the euphoria from our win, my attitude was the same on the ride to the airport and on the plane.

I knew there’d be a lot of school celebrations when we got back, so I needed to save my peopling for that.

We landed in Vermont in the afternoon, and the bus ride to Sutton took longer than usual given all the weekend traffic.

I’d had a mind to stay in Burlington, to text Darby for a meetup, but I wanted to get home to see my family more than anything.

We’d gone through enough hard times over the past decade, and when there was a celebration to be had, they deserved to share in it.

Moments before we disembarked from the bus, Coach got up and motioned for our attention. His hair was uncharacteristically messy, his black RayBans still perched on the end of his remarkably straight nose (for a former hockey player). Why I noticed all this was beyond me.

Must be the hangover.

For some reason, I was dying to see his expression. I’d never seen him less than put together and knowing that he was probably rocking dark shadows and bloodshot eyes like me made me want to laugh out loud.

Fuck, did I need a nap or what?

“The school’s throwing a rally tonight, starting at eight, in honor of the Cougars win,” Banning announced, his voice hoarse. “Go home and get some rest first. I’ll see you guys on campus later.”

Then he stepped off the bus and Jace took his place.

“And don’t forget the black-tie firehall fundraiser next Saturday!” Jace added as we stood up and grabbed our shit. “Everyone’s gotta be there.”

Finn and I were due to help out at the event too, thanks to Coach volunteering us. Then I remembered that Kirkland was going to be there giving the keynote speech, and my mood improved exponentially.

I headed down the aisle and tapped Jace’s shoulder.

“What do you need from me that day?” I asked him.

“If you and Finn can arrive at the venue at four to help us set up the silent auction items?”

“Got it.”

“And you have to wear a suit,” Jace reminded me with a grin. “No leather jacket.”

I rolled my eyes and nodded. “I get it. I promise.”

“You gonna crash out this aft?”

“Not yet. I’ve got to pick up my brother and go visit my dad first.”

“That’s cool. Are we going to meet them sometime? Are they coming to the fundraiser?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I mean, my brother’s seventeen. Jo’s probably already got plans for next weekend that don’t include hanging out with his older brother. And my dad, well, he’s got health stuff.”

“Oh, I’m sorry about your dad,” Jace offered. “Maybe another time?”

“Maybe.”

“Bring your brother to the rally tonight. He can hang out with us.”

I nodded but left it at that. It was one of the rare times I mentioned my family.

I’d confided in Finn, of course, who’d met my brother, and in Kayden, who’d made Sutton U bracelets for the entire team and, as per my request, several for Josiah.

But I had a hard time talking about my situation with the rest of the guys.

I wasn’t sure they’d understand or maybe I was worried they’d feel bad for me.

Or think I wasn’t giving hockey my all. Either way, that’s how I dealt with it, by keeping it to myself.

Like my sexuality.

I hated showing any kind of vulnerability and in hockey, you get used to staying stoic, and pushing forward, pushing hard, no matter what. There was no time for second guesses or doubt. Not from teammates or from myself…

I texted Josiah, stepped off the bus, and headed for my truck. The gray pickup was used when I bought it and it wasn’t much to look at, but it was paid for, so it was all mine.

After picking up my brother, we drove straight to see my dad.

The care home that he’d lived in for the past two years was set on the west side of Sutton and had views of the mountains and nearby lake.

Since spring was finally here, the day sunny and surprisingly warm for Vermont, we arrived to find many of the residents outside.

The home was once a hotel, refurbished to meet hospital standards, and had a lot of acreage, including a garden and terraces for residents and visiting family.

I spotted my dad right away. I got my size from him, along with brown eyes and blond hair, his now turning gray.

My father got around in a wheelchair most of the time, but he could use a walker when he wanted, and for short periods of time.

He was fighting hard to get his mobility and his speech back, but I knew that it was going to take years.

Watching him take tentative steps, the walker in front of him, his nurse by his side, I had an overwhelming feeling of pride.

Pride and frustration. I wanted everything to be like it was for him in the past; to hear him laugh and joke around, to have him skate alongside me and Jo.

But wishing and reality were two different things.

Still, he was here, and that’s what mattered.

When he spotted us, I waved, and though his mouth barely moved in response, his eyes brightened. He started in our direction, moving faster, much to the obvious concern of his nurse, Mandy, who kept urging him to go slow.

“Good afternoon, Silas, Josiah,” Mandy greeted us. “Tobias is fighting fit today. Determined to outwalk me.”

“I can see that,” I replied and looked at my dad with a grin. “You’ll be back on the ice with me and Jo in no time.”

The s sound came out of Dad’s mouth like a whisper, as he tried to say my name. It was faint, but I heard it. I bent over to give him a hug, and my father let go of his walker. His grip wasn’t strong like it used to be, but it still made me happy. Jo leaned over and did the same.

“Let’s sit down out here somewhere,” I suggested. “I’ve got lots of pictures from the game to show you.”

“Silas, why don’t you and Josiah take your father over to the picnic table?” Mandy offered. “I’ll go get his wheelchair in case he needs it coming back.”

“Thanks.” I nodded and glanced over at the nearby table.

It was only another ten steps or so to get there.

Nothing for me and Jo, but a marathon for my dad.

I stood on one side of him and Jo on the other, making sure Dad was steady enough but not wanting to intervene unless necessary.

The determined look in my dad’s eyes told me he was going to make it to the table, and he didn’t want help.

Understanding his need for independence, I walked slowly, and looked over at my brother, who smiled knowingly at me in return.

It took us a few minutes to get what should’ve been a few seconds away.

When we reached our destination, I took hold of my dad’s arm to steady him, and Josiah turned the walker around seat first. Once my father was settled at the head of the table, I sat down on one bench with Jo opposite me.

I pulled my tablet out of my backpack and began to scroll through the media shots that the school had already posted.

“These aren’t in any particular order,” I started and placed my tablet in front of my family. “Have a look through.”

Josiah began to swipe and tap on the pictures.

“Wow, cool shots. God, that first goal was something. Jace is awesome,” Jo exclaimed. “And here’s one of Axel.”

After a while, my dad reached his right hand out and tapped the screen, then pointed a shaky finger at me.

“You like that one, Pops?” Jo remarked and turned the tablet back to me. “He’s right, it’s a good one. And is that a smile on your face, bro? I’m shook. Who knew you still had teeth?”

“Ha ha.”

“The guy with the black hair, that’s your coach?”

I nodded and swallowed hard. I’d talked about my teammates, but not so much about Coach, except to gripe about extra practice. But that was it. And with Josiah’s immune system being more susceptible during the winter season, I hadn’t allowed him to come to games to meet the team.

“Damien,” I replied. “I mean, Banning. Coach Banning. You’ve heard me talk about him.”

“You usually call him Coach. So, Damien, eh?” Josiah looked at me inquiringly and then back at the photo of me dousing Coach. “He’s pretty hot. For an old guy.”

My dad’s right eyebrow moved. Both of mine hit my hairline.

“What?” Josiah smiled innocently at us. “I only speak the truth. Like I don’t notice attractive people? I’m almost eighteen. Please.”

“Jo—” I started.

I guess it was time for us to have another one of those talks.

“I said, for an old guy.”

“He’s only thirty.”

“Like I said.” Josiah chuckled.

I was going to give him my finger but caught my father’s disapproving gaze.

“Moving on,” I insisted.

Josiah glanced at the tablet again, swiping. “Hmmm.”

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing.” Josiah grinned. “Only, you and Damien , I mean, Coach Banning, seem to have a glaring contest going on.”

“Hilarious.”

“OMG, is that Selwin Kirkland from Chicago?” Josiah squeaked.

“It is. Thank God we didn’t know ahead of time. He stepped onto the ice afterwards to congratulate us and everyone on the team went nuts,” I explained. “I got to shake his hand and talk to him. He’s friends with Banning. They used to play together.”

“That’s so cool.” Josiah paused. “Wait, you mean Banning, as in the defenseman for Chicago who wrecked his knee five years ago?”

“Yeah. That’s him.”

“How did I not know that he’s your coach?”

“I think of him as Coach,” I muttered.

I was such a liar.

“Now that it’s spring and my health is stable, can I finally come with you and meet the team? Like, before you graduate?” Josiah smirked.

Sarcasm was a family trait.

“I think I can arrange that. In fact, we have a rally tonight. You can come for an hour.”

“Yes!” Josiah turned to my dad. “Look at that. Si’s going to be playing pro one day with guys like Kirkland.”

My dad nodded and brought a shaky hand over to tap mine, then he motioned for the tablet, so Josiah put it in front of him. Dad slowly tapped on it, typing slowly. Once he was done, he looked up at me.

Proud of you. Both.

I smiled back at him. “I’m proud of you too.”