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DAMIEN

MAY—LAST TEAM GATHERING

L acing up my skates always gave me goosebumps.

It didn’t matter how many times I’d done this, hundreds, thousands—every time was like the first. I guess when you loved hockey like I did, that wasn’t surprising.

Whether playing or coaching, if I could get out on the ice, I was in my element.

It had taken two surgeries and two years of rehab to get my knee to ninety percent mobility.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough. I still went to physio twice a month and kept up my regular gym routine to maintain my flexibility.

I always preferred to be with my team, on the ice, during every practice.

But there were also times when I was nervous.

Sometimes, when I stopped short near one of my players, or when I got near the boards, my right knee pinged, like I was preparing for the worst. It would probably always be that way, and no surprise given the severity of my injury.

There was rehab for my leg and plenty of therapy for my mind too.

After tying my laces, I ran my hands over my Sutton U sweats, double-checking that my shin pads and knee protectors were properly in place. I stood up, grabbed my stick, and shuffled down the hallway until I reached the ice.

The team was already warming up, laughing, and joking around as usual.

I took a moment and looked up at the new banner that hung from the ceiling.

National College Champions .

Nothing usual about that. I still couldn’t believe it. Maybe that’s because, despite the win, I didn’t get a flood of offers to coach elsewhere. My ego took a hit. When you win that big, you expect big things.

Okay, I got several inquiries, but all from universities or colleges. Not from the league.

Not what I’d hoped.

Hope would have to wait. My job was to get that camp underway and angst about the next steps of my career later. Okay, I was angsting about camp too. All week, in fact. Not that I was concerned about it being a success. Not at all.

It was the fact that I’d be spending a lot of one-on-one time mentoring a certain d-man who kept me awake at night. A player that was getting under my own defenses far too readily.

There was no mistaking Silas’s form on the ice, after all he was one of the biggest guys on the team.

Like a magnet, my eyes followed every movement.

Then I spotted his brother Josiah, decked out in a Cougars jersey, skating alongside him.

The young man was far too pale and slim for his height, but then I remembered he’d been dealing with a serious health condition.

I didn’t know the details, and it was none of my business, but it had required Silas to take a year off school to take care of him.

And it was clear to me that Silas was a very protective older brother.

The sight of them skating together made me smile.

Their bond was undeniable and reminded me of my own siblings.

Silas had his eyes glued to his baby brother, gently passing Josiah the puck, and watching carefully as his brother took a shot on goal.

Silas slid around the back of the net and headed back my way.

Too late, Silas spotted me, and the icy aloofness I was known for, slipped.

Shit.

I stepped out onto the ice and ignored the urge I had to skate over to him.

Get it together for fuck’s sake.

“Okay guys,” I called out. “Our final ice time for the season. Are we ready?”

There were shouts and cheers.

“Good. Before we get started, let’s welcome our guest today, Silas’s brother Josiah. I expect nothing less than your best behavior.” I motioned to Josiah. “Welcome, Josiah.”

Everyone clapped loudly and Jo eagerly waved back.

“Okay, it’s competition time,” I added. “Who’s up for it?”

There were shouts and whistles this time.

“That’s what I want to hear,” I called out. “We’ll start with fastest skater, then hardest shot, stick handling, accuracy shooting, and finally, the passing challenge.”

The guys were fiercely competitive, even amongst each other. There was a lot of laughing and trash-talking, but all of it good-natured.

And an hour later, we had our winners.

Jace won fastest skater, no surprises there. Hardest shot went to Dane. Stick handling, Ethan. Axel won the passing challenge. And the last one, accuracy shooting, to my shock, saw Silas come out on top.

I had Josiah help me pass out the prizes.

Each winner got a gold medal and a fifty-dollar voucher from the local sporting goods shop.

When it came time to hand out Silas’s prize, Josiah motioned for me to offer it to him.

Instead of refusing, I slid the silly medal around Silas’s neck, and when I caught a whiff of his musky sweat, I tripped over my feet.

Silas’s hand suddenly grabbed mine, steadying me. It was the fundraiser all over again. Once again, my knees were about to give out on me.

“You okay, Coach?” he asked.

“Fine, yes, great,” I muttered and pulled my arm away. “Sorry. I guess I hit a rough patch or something.”

There was no problem with the ice; I’d tripped over my tongue.

Silas offered me a questioning look, which I ignored.

And shit, my hand was burning, but I figured it had to be from the cold.

It had nothing to do with Silas touching me.

I needed to layer up more the next time I came out here.

Gliding around the ice at a leisurely pace wasn’t the same thing as playing hard like these guys.

Shaking off my unease, I skated backwards and held my hand up.

“I want to thank every one of you for playing your very best this season. We had an ambitious goal, and we achieved it. Many of you are returning next year and you know what that means. The pressure’s on to keep our top spot.

For now, I hope you get to enjoy some much-needed rest this summer.

Have fun, but not too much,” I warned and paused as players chuckled.

“For those of you joining the camp, fair warning: it’s going to be intense.

But I’m sure come the fall, it will mean great things for you and for the team. Thanks, guys, you’re good to go.”

Players came up to me, one by one, to shake my hand before they headed off the ice.

Everyone except Silas. He skated over to his brother and gave me a wave before heading for the boards.

Relief and disappointment hit me, but instead of sitting with it, I put on a practiced smile and watched all the players leave until it was just me and the echo of my breathing.

I did a few gentle laps around the rink and tried to shake off this weird mood that had been building since that final game.

More questions whirled in my mind, questions I shouldn’t even be asking.

The answers that came to me didn’t help matters at all.

Silas

“That was rude, bro.”

“What?” I turned to Josiah as we headed down the hallway.

“You didn’t shake Coach’s hand like everyone else.”

“I’ll see him in camp in a few weeks, Jo.”

What else could I say? I didn’t dare think about Damien, never mind touching him again.

Bad enough I’d grabbed hold of him when he’d tripped.

The electricity that sparked between us was as heady as it was the night of that fundraiser.

And it was getting out of control. I was more than eager to get the fuck out of here.

What would’ve happened if he’d fallen on top of me?

The vision of the two of us, him lying over me, melted what was left of my brain.

“You’re acting weird, Si.”

I muttered a few choice curse words as we headed for the bench outside the locker room.

“I’m tired.”

I didn’t want to lie to my brother, but my thoughts about Damien, he didn’t need to know.

Josiah sat down on the bench and began to untie his skates. “Is that all?”

I nodded. “I’ll change real quick and then we’ll go grab a bite, okay?”

Jo nodded and pulled out his phone, tapping away.

When I stepped inside the locker room, I didn’t offer small talk.

Six of us: me, Finn, Ethan, Colin, Sean, and Dane were staying on for summer camp, and everyone else was busy cleaning out their stalls.

I headed for mine and quickly changed. I was a funky mess by now, but showering could wait until I got home.

I grabbed my backpack, Jo’s, his boots, and duffle bag, then made the rounds of the room, saying goodbye to the guys.

“It was great skating with your brother,” Jace offered with a grin. “Hopefully he can catch some of our games in the next season.”

“I hope so.”

When I stepped back out, Jo had his skates off and was sitting cross-legged on the bench with his feet under his thighs, perusing his phone.

“That was fast,” he said as he glanced up at me.

“I’m starving,” I replied and dropped his boots.

Jo waved his hand in front of his face. “You smell rank.”

I ruffled his blond curls.

“It’s no worse than your toxic bedroom.”

I got a raspberry for that comment.

After Jo changed into his boots, we headed down the hallway towards the exit.

“Thanks for letting me join you today,” Jo said quietly.

“Of course. I should’ve done it sooner. But with the winter season, I was worried.”

“I know.”

I could’ve invited him in the fall, but I was getting used to the routine of school and practice again. And I guess I wasn’t ready to answer questions about my family.

“You need to use the washroom before we head out?” I asked.

“I’m good.”

That was a relief. I noticed that Jo didn’t need as many bathroom breaks as he used to.

The surgery plus medication was finally offering him relief.

Too often, Jo had to plan out everything in advance and made sure he had access to a washroom.

Crohn’s was a literal pain in the ass. The teenage years were rough for anyone, but for someone with a chronic illness?

Try tough times a hundred. But my baby brother was strong, and nothing was going to stop him.

“You want to grab a bite at Boots ‘n’ Burgers?”

We didn’t eat out often, but this was a special day. To see Josiah on the ice again was something I’d never forget, an event worth any sacrifice.

“Oh yeah. Can I invite River to join us?”

“Sure.”

Josiah got busy texting his friend as we exited the rink.

The sky was still light; the horizon painted with pink and orange streaks from the sunset. Sutton was beautiful at any time of the year, but I liked it best in the spring when the mountains were bright green, and everything felt new and fresh.

“River’s busy,” Jo muttered.

Josiah’s face looked sad for a moment and then he shoved his phone in his pocket.

“Everything okay with you two?”

Josiah nodded. “Us, yeah. Him? Not so much. His parents have separated.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

“His mom moved back to New York a week ago,” Josiah whispered. “River might be moving with her in the fall.”

I put my hand on my brother’s shoulder. River was his bestie since grade school.

“You want to talk about it?”

“No. Not yet,” Josiah admitted with a shake of his head. “But thanks.”

“We haven’t discussed what’s going to happen if I get drafted. You and Dad moving with me.”

“I want to finish high school here and then go to college. I’ll be eighteen soon and I can take care of myself. And Dad. You’ve already given up a lot of your life for me, Si. It’s time to focus on you.”

“I haven’t given up anything.”

“You know what I mean. You don’t have a life outside of hockey, work, and school. You need to have fun too.”

“I have fun,” I insisted. “Hockey’s fun.”

“I mean going out with friends, dating?—”

“I go to parties with the team. And I don’t need to date,” I replied vehemently. “Not at all.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.”

“Are you looking forward to training camp?” Josiah asked, and I was grateful for the change in subject.

I nodded. “It’s gonna be hectic, but I’m excited.”

“Banning was watching you today.”

I stopped short and stared at my brother like I’d never seen him before.

“What are you talking about?”

“He was staring at you the whole time we were there,” Josiah replied with a shrug.

“He’s a coach, it’s his job to watch the players.”

“You know, you’re alike.”

“No way.”

What the fuck did me and Damien have in common except hockey?

Josiah ignored me and kept on talking. “He’s focused and intense. Dedicated.”

I didn’t need to hear a list of Damien’s attributes; I knew them already.

“Next topic, please.”

“You were doing the same.”

“What?”

“Staring at him.”

“Where else am I supposed to look?”

Josiah smirked at me.

“He’s not as ancient as I imagined either.”

“Again, thirty’s not old.” I insisted.

“That’s what I said,” Josiah replied with a grin. “Old, but not that old.”

“For that, you’re paying for lunch.”