Page 23

DAMIEN

A fter we showered, Silas wanted to relax in bed but unfortunately his stomach had other ideas. And I could only ignore the loud growling for so long. Typical hockey player; food always came first.

“Sorry,” he muttered, his cheeks unusually pink.

“I guess I better feed the beast.”

He retaliated by pinching my ass and kissing me senseless.

When he finally let me go, I rummaged through my closet and threw him a pair of my basketball shorts and a T-shirt. He only took the shorts. Not that I was complaining. Having him wander around my home half-naked was a memorable sight.

We headed for the kitchen, hand in hand, like we did this every night.

I grabbed a pepperoni pizza from the freezer and popped it in the oven.

While that was cooking, I located a bag of tortilla chips and a container of guac, which Silas promptly finished in record time.

Okay, I was starving too, and I did my share of eating.

We kissed and flirted in between bites of salty chips and when the pizza was ready, I cut one slice for myself and gave him the rest. Silas insisted we split it in half, but I refused. He needed the calories more than I did.

Afterwards, I snagged a couple of beers, and we made our way out to sit on the deck.

Silas couldn’t have more than one beer, since he had to drive home later.

Not that I wanted him to leave tonight. We’d only started seeing each other and I was ready for an overnight.

If that didn’t tell me how far gone I was for him, nothing would.

“Do you like living in Vermont?” he asked me as we sat in front of the firepit, his fingers interlocking tightly with mine.

The only time we’d let go of each other was to get changed.

Holding Silas’s hand felt heady, incredible. Even with Eloise, holding hands was something I could take or leave. She often complained that I wasn’t attentive enough as a lover. Not in bed, not out of it. I didn’t touch her enough; I was always lacking in affection. Maybe she was right.

Or maybe it wasn’t me, but me with her.

“I do. Even when I move on from this job, I think I’d like to keep a home here. A vacation escape.”

He nodded. “You want to coach pro, right?”

I didn’t see any sense in holding back.

“I do. That’s my dream. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved every minute of coaching at Sutton, and I’ve learned a lot. But I miss the excitement of the professional league. To put it bluntly, nothing compares.”

Silas gave me an eager smile. “Can you tell me about it? The games, the traveling, the media. Did you love it? Do you miss it?”

“I loved most of it. When things were good, they were very good. Playing with guys at that level and for huge crowds gave me a kind of high that’s difficult to explain.

It’s very addictive. A total rush.” I paused, thinking about my past. “The traveling wasn’t my favorite, to be honest. I liked visiting cool cities, but by the end of the season, all you want to do is stay in the same bed for a month.

Plus, I’m a light sleeper and depending on who you room with, it can be fine or a total nightmare. ”

“No kidding. Ethan snores like a chainsaw. Even with headphones, it’s freaking loud.”

“Yeah, I don’t miss that. Or the media attention.

They love it when you’re doing great, but they also pounce on you when things get rough.

You gotta develop a thick skin and have a dedicated agent who has your back.

And yes, sometimes I miss it fiercely. Being on that ice, the rush, the freedom.

When my accident happened, well, I had to start everything over, rebuild from scratch.

” I sighed and met his gaze. “Sorry, that sounds dramatic.”

“It’s not. I can’t even imagine.”

I gripped his hand tighter.

“It wasn’t the shock of ‘one day I was on the ice and the next day I was in the hospital.’ Like I said, it was losing the day-to-day routine with my teammates and what I thought my life would be.

It’s taken me a while to come to terms with the fact that any career in hockey isn’t linear or stable.

Not hockey, not anything. Life is full of unexpected surprises, and you have to be prepared to pivot.

Looking back, I wish I’d had the ability to play longer, but inevitably, a player’s career is limited.

At least I’ve found something that keeps me active in the sport I love. ”

“And I, for one, am so grateful that you’re here. Your passion for the game is what resonates with every player on our team.” Silas squeezed my hand. “You’re the best coach I’ve ever had.”

“Stop.”

“It’s true, Damien. I told you before, no one has ever pushed me harder or made me want to prove myself more.”

Guilt made my stomach clench hard.

“I wasn’t completely convinced you belonged with the Cougars at first,” I admitted. “It wasn’t personal. I make calls based on what I see and my experience.”

“I know that. I was coming back after a year off, and yeah, I was pissed that you didn’t have faith in me, but you didn’t know me. I had to earn your trust over time, and vice versa.” He paused. “Although, sometimes it still feels like you’re unsure about my potential.”

One thing I admired about Silas, he didn’t evade the tough conversations.

“It’s not that. You’re a great defenseman, and you’re getting better with every game.

But you’re also dealing with a lot of family responsibility.

And you’re twenty-two. The odds of you being drafted at this age, or later, aren’t great.

I don’t want to see you make the same mistake I did, putting all your hopes in making it pro. What if it doesn’t happen? What then?”

“I know all that, Damien,” Silas replied and nudged my shoulder with his. “I do. And your worry is appreciated but not required. I’ve already told you that no one and nothing will stop me from trying.”

If Silas did make it, and I made it back to coaching in the league, where would that leave us?

Jesus, I was getting way ahead of myself.

But the fact that I was thinking about a future with him made me pause.

What would be the point in starting something that already had a deadline?

Then again, I knew that life was short, and you had to grab your happiness wherever you could find it. No one was promised tomorrow.

“How are we going to do this?” I whispered.

“What?”

“We have to step back into that rink for training and this—” I paused and pointed between us with my free hand. “This interplay is not happening when we return to campus. We go back to our strict roles; I’m the uptight coach and you’re the smart-mouthed player.”

“So, nothing’s changed. You’re still gonna ride my ass hard,” he added with a smirk. “Only, in addition to doing it on the ice, you get to do it naked. And maybe I can return the favor.”

I let out another laugh. God, I was doing a lot of that around him.

“Fuck me, I’m in so much trouble,” I replied and took a long pull of beer to cool myself off.

“That is, if you’re interested in riding my ass. Or having me ride yours. Is anal something you want to explore?”

I choked on my beer and nearly showered the deck.

Silas lifted my hand and kissed the knuckles. “Too blunt?”

“No.” I cleared my throat and stared at him. “I like your forthright attitude. It’s honest and that’s important to me. But I don’t know how we went from a discussion about hockey practice to?—”

“Anal.”

“Yes.”

My face was on fire. Silas leaned over to kiss me. This man incinerated my normally icy control and turned it into dust. I couldn’t help but smile against his lips.

“That was quite the change in topic.”

“Not really. I can’t help but think of sex anytime I’m near my smoking hot hockey coach,” Silas quipped and waggled his eyebrows.

“Seriously, are you going to be able to concentrate on the ice?” I asked. “Am I?”

“We can compartmentalize. We’re professionals.”

“I’m a professional,” I corrected. “You’re a student.”

Goddamn it, Banning, you’re fucking your student.

“I’m the oldest one on the team, and I’ve got more maturity than the rest of the guys combined.”

“True.” I chuckled at that comment.

“I have faith in us,” he stated.

Something about the serious tone in his voice had a shiver racing through my body. Ignoring my deeper emotions, I gave him a sceptical look, and a hint of my usual glare. He kept grinning at me.

“Don’t give me that Banning glare around the guys, Damien. It gets my dick hard.”

“Fuck.”

“Yes, back to sex, I prefer to top, but I’m vers,” Silas admitted. “I’ve only bottomed a few times. It takes trust. But I’d like to explore that with you. If that’s something you want.”

“I’ve never bottomed. I’ve had anal but—” I paused.

“But you topped? With that guy, in that threesome?” he bit out, his eyes intense.

His jealousy, because that’s exactly the reaction Silas was giving off, was hot as hell.

“I did.”

Looking back, that night was exciting and wild, and yet the memory of it now didn’t stir anything inside me.

Silas inhaled sharply. “All joking aside, I don’t need anal to be satisfied. A lot of times I’m happy with handjobs or blowjobs or frotting. It’s all good.”

I nodded, relieved.

“Then we’ll see what happens. I’d like to… try.” I licked my lips. “But I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep. Or disappoint you.”

Silas claimed my lips and silenced any further comment.

“You could never do that,” he whispered.

“We’ve only known each other as coach vs player, not lovers. How do you know?”

“I just do,” he insisted and punctuated the remark with another heated kiss. “I know the man that you are, Damien. Once you’re committed to something, like the team, you’re all in. I hear it in your voice, I witness it in your actions, and I see it in your eyes. I’m the same.”

It was scary how well he knew me already. And that we were alike in so many ways. Suddenly, I was vulnerable like I hadn’t been in years. That knowledge should’ve sent me running, fast and far. Instead, I wanted to slide onto his lap and kiss him breathless, right here under the stars.

“Do that,” he demanded.

“What?”

He tugged my hand. “Get on my lap and kiss me.”

Holy shit, I’d said that out loud?

Without pause, I got up and straddled his waist, and Silas, in turn, gripped my ass in his hands and pulled me in as close as we could get.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in to take possession of his mouth.

One steamy kiss led to another, and another, until our moans filled the quiet night air.

Staring down into his eyes, the puzzle that was my personal life, the one I’d been trying to figure out for years, finally clicked into place.

“So, it turns out I’m bisexual,” I whispered. “Wow, I think that’s the first time I’ve ever claimed that out loud.”

He smiled and clutched me tighter.

“Welcome to the Sutton U Queer Club, baby.”