Page 15

DAMIEN

“ Y es,” I replied without hesitation. “For a while.”

Silas was blunt but spot on. Years ago, I would’ve avoided the difficult questions.

Not anymore.

Instead of heading for the boards, and taking a break myself, I glided forward again.

“It wasn’t only losing my job, the one thing I loved to do, it was everything else that followed,” I admitted, not knowing why this was all spilling out of me, and to Silas of all people.

I didn’t like to talk about my injury or the aftermath it caused.

Even though my therapist insisted that I had to.

Staying silent meant giving my fears power.

If I wanted to move on, I had to own my past. “I didn’t realize that some people in my life were only there because of my job, and the money and fame that came with it.

Going from a pro player in the best season of my career to never playing again in the blink of an eye was shocking to say the least. You find out real quick who your true friends and family are. ”

Silas wiped his face again, put the towel aside, and skated towards me.

“I’m sorry.”

I shrugged. “It’s life. Sometimes you’re dealt a shitty hand. And despite the pain, you gotta find a way to keep going.”

“Don’t I know it,” Silas returned. “My mom passed away when I was thirteen. Cancer. Then a few years later, Josiah got sick, and Dad had a major stroke. I’ve been working my ass off to keep our family together ever since.”

“I didn’t know,” I replied. “I mean, not all of it. I’m sorry, too. I lost my mom when I was six, so I get it. That kind of loss changes you forever.”

Silas nodded. “Trust me when I say that I know what’s important in life. Going pro isn’t going to change that. And even if it doesn’t work out, I’ve got a plan. Hockey might be my ultimate dream, but it’s not the only one.”

I had dreams too, but none of them seemed within reach anymore.

Or maybe I was too busy working to think about it.

I thought Eloise and I would have kids one day, a family to call our own.

But that shattered too when she left me.

I didn’t want to put my heart out there again, not for anyone, for what?

Only to get it crushed again? No thanks.

I’d been so fucking na?ve when I looked back.

Did she even love me? Or had she been playing me the whole time we were together?

So much of our relationship depended on my career, my money, and my celebrity.

I’d never make that mistake again. A broken heart wasn’t worth the pain.

I glanced at Silas, so young, and yet much more mature than I was at his age. He had his priorities in line, even if they came with a side of sarcastic attitude. The guy had a lot riding against him, but he kept on fighting. Every day that passed, I admired him more and more.

“That’s good. At least one of us has their shit together,” I finally replied, my voice hoarse.

The longer I stared at him, the harder my heart raced, and my hands began to tremble.

“You’re an amazing coach, Damien. And that’s something to be proud of.”

Why did he have to keep using my first name? I liked it way too much. No, more than that. I was becoming addicted to it.

“I’ve had four coaches since I started playing, and none of them pushed me like you do,” Silas continued.

“I mean that in the best way. You challenge me. That’s what I need.

Other coaches ignored me because I wasn’t a star player.

They didn’t want to spend the time to help me get better.

They didn’t see me or my potential. But you do. ”

I was paying too much attention to Silas and that was the problem.

“Thanks. But you’ve gotta admit, we had a rocky start,” I confessed.

I wasn’t sure if Silas was the right fit for the team last September. I still wasn’t sure or maybe that was envy talking. He had a shot and mine was done. Shit, I hadn’t realized I was thinking that way. And I was glad he’d proved me wrong.

“I’m still part of the team. The team you took to the championship. And I think it only gets better from here.”

I nodded, touched by his words. Why did Silas make me feel like I was standing under a spotlight? His chocolate brown eyes never wavered from mine and having all that attention on me was heady.

Oh God, where the fuck were the rest of the guys? This break needed to be over. Now.

“I think you’re right,” I replied, swallowing past the lump in my throat. “But we won’t get there if we don’t get to work. If you want to become the best, you need to improve your communication. Especially with your defensive partner.”

“I think I’m doing a pretty good job right now,” he pointed between us.

Silas gave me a wicked grin, and I forgot that we were talking about hockey.

“With your teammates,” I corrected. “On the ice.”

“I’m here to learn, Coach. Teach me all your tricks.”

“No tricks,” I replied as I plucked one of the pucks with my stick. I passed it to Silas, and he skated off with it. “It’s all about eye contact and body language.”

“Oh, like when I’m trying to hook up with a hot guy?” he announced, then skated up to me, in the face off position.

What did he say?

“Damien?”

I couldn’t speak.

“I came out to the team at the fundraiser,” Silas continued, skating off to circle around the net and then back to me again. “I meant to let you know as well. Not that you’d have any issue with me being gay, I know that much by now. It’s more like FYI.”

“Well… um… thanks for telling me.”

My gaze clashed with his, and fuck, what else needed to be said? Every rational thought in my brain was gone. Zapped. Selwin’s teasing about the way Silas looked at me reverberated in my head, but I shut that shit down.

Don’t go there.

“You were talking about eye contact and body language,” Silas continued, staring at me. “Tell me more.”

My mind veered off hockey and went straight to sex. Fuck, Silas wasn’t the only one who was sweating hard. I pulled one glove off and wiped my face, willing myself to calm down.

I looked around but the rest of the guys were still nowhere to be seen.

“Uh, yes.” I shoved my glove back on and forced my body to move. “Don’t… don’t get so involved in chasing the puck that you ignore what your teammates are signalling.”

That sounded right, but who knew? I was surprised I could speak at all.

“Are you okay?” Silas asked me, skating closer.

I nodded.

“I’m good. Everything’s great.”

“Sometimes I’m too blunt. Did I startle you by coming out like that?”

“You didn’t,” I insisted. “It’s fine.”

You’re fine, but I’m not. I wish I had courage like that.

My confession to Selwin had cracked open the door to all the “what if” scenarios about my sexuality, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to close it again. Or, that I’d know what to do if it turned out I was bi.

Silas and I stared at each other for a long moment, neither one of us looking anywhere else.

His gaze burned through my reserve and the only question that kept replaying in my head was why now? Why him?

“Hey, Coach!”

I jolted and turned around to find Dane on the other side of the boards.

“Yes?”

“Someone’s waiting by your office. A woman named Eloise. She said she needs to talk to you.”

Talk about timing. What the fuck was my ex-wife doing here?

“I’ll be right there. You get the rest of the guys and continue with the drills.”

Dane nodded and stalked off.

“Eloise… is that your wife?” Silas asked as he slid beside me, shoulder to shoulder.

Too close. The smell of his sweat had my heart thumping harder.

“Ex, yeah.” I paused and stared at him. “Wait. How did you know that?”

“I read up on your time in the league. Sounded like you two had a nasty split.”

“You could say that. Eloise loves the spotlight,” I admitted. Silas knew more about me than I knew about him and being vulnerable normally made me hold tighter to myself. For some reason, though, I kept on talking. “She only contacts me when she wants something. Money, usually.”

“That’s cold. And it confirms why I don’t do relationships.”

“For once, we agree on something.”

Me and my big mouth. Why was I unloading all this to one of my players? The word “inappropriate” came to mind but it was too freaking late.

Do something. Change the topic.

I pointed to his head.

“Can I borrow your helmet?”

“You need protection that badly?” He smirked.

“You have no idea.”

Leaving a chuckling Silas behind, I headed for the boards, put my guards on, and wandered down the hallway to my office.

Sure enough, Eloise was standing there, leaning against the wall in one of her designer pantsuits, her phone in hand, her face an unreadable expression.

Her brunette hair was shorter now, styled in a chic bob, and conversely, her nails were longer and painted a vivid coral red to match her lipstick.

There was no doubt she was a beautiful woman, but outward appearances didn’t tell the whole story.

During the divorce proceedings, and to this day, Eloise harped on the fact that I was the sole cause of our breakdown.

I disagreed. Sure, I played my part. I was in a deep depression after my accident, and there were many times when I couldn’t communicate with her about how I was feeling.

I owned that. But to be fair, she only ever asked me when I was going to go back to hockey, not if.

Like I hadn’t wrecked my future along with my knee.

I was the one who was in constant pain, enduring surgery after surgery, and I was the one who had to deal with the fact that my career as a player was done.

Yes, I was a cold asshole at times, but I was hurting.

The shock of the injury lasted long after I was carted off the ice.

It was months and months of denial, anger, and finally, therapy.

Unfortunately, her concern was never about my health, it was about losing her status as a WAG, and the bank balance that came with it.

Six months after I shattered my knee, when she finally realized I’d never return to the ice, she was done. With me, and our marriage.

And I thought I was cold…

“What are you doing here?” I launched the first shot.

“Nice to see you too, Damien.”

“I wish I could say the same. My question stands, what do you want?”

She pushed off the wall and stalked towards me, a cloud of her signature scent, Black Orchid, hitting me. I’d never been a fan, and I felt like I was choking.

“I have news I wanted to share. In person.”

“I’m honored,” I snarked.

She put up her left hand, and I was blinded by the huge diamond on her ring finger.

“Rick and I are getting married.”

“I can see that.” I sighed in relief. “Congrats.”

Rick Platt, her boyfriend, now fiancé, played offense for New York.

He was a cunning forward with a killer instinct and a wicked slapshot.

When Elois left our marriage, she moved out of our house and into Rick’s.

In hindsight, I was pretty sure they’d been having an affair long before we split, but I didn’t care to dig into it.

My lawyer thought I was nuts, but I didn’t want to go down that route.

All I wanted was Eloise out of my life for good.

“This doesn’t mean you’re off the hook when it comes to alimony,” she reminded me. “At least, not until I’m officially married.”

I gritted my teeth. “Of course not.”

“But I wanted you to know before it hits the press.”

“You could’ve called.”

Eloise shrugged and crossed her arms.

“I was in Maine visiting my brother, and since I was headed through Vermont on my way back to New York, I figured it made sense to stop by,” she added. “And I was also curious to see where you’d ended up.”

She glanced around the dimly lit hallway. The forest green paint on the walls was peeling and the usual musty smell of the rink couldn’t be denied. Her eyes told me she was slightly less than horrified at the humble surroundings, even though her face didn’t move an inch.

“This is quite the departure from the league,” she muttered. “But I guess any job’s better than nothing, right?”

“I’ve got to get back to the ice. I’m running a summer training camp.”

“Sounds boring as hell.”

“It’s not. But then again, you never understood the sport, did you? Just the attention that came with it.”

“So?” she snapped. “I’m not the only one who enjoyed the spotlight.”

Did I enjoy the accolades? Hell yes. But it wasn’t the reason I played. And it wasn’t any of her business anymore. I’d had enough of this conversation.

“I hope you and Rick will be happy,” I offered.

“We are. He’s renewing his contract with New York for another two years.”

“Good for him. He deserves it,” I replied.

“Don’t be jealous because your hockey career is over.”

I shook my head, which was now throbbing like a motherfucker.

“I’ve got a new direction in coaching. One that I’m very good at. One that I enjoy. We won the national college championship. I’m very proud of that fact.”

Eloise reached into her pocket and pulled out a huge pair of sunglasses, sliding them onto her nose.

“I’ll send you an invite to the wedding,” she stated. “We’re buying another home upstate and we’ll have the ceremony there.”

“Thanks, but I think I’ll pass.”

She sighed dramatically. “Can’t you at least be happy for me?”

“I am, I said so,” I insisted. “Can’t you do the same for me? Maybe this isn’t as glamorous as the pros but it’s still hard fucking work. And I’m damn good at my job.”

“Your leg looks better. I could hardly see any limp.”

“I’ve worked my ass off in physio for years.”

She nodded and pursed her crimson lips. “I better get going.”

“Next time, a call will suffice,” I replied curtly. “ If there needs to be a next time.”

“You’re still an asshole, Damien.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”