Page 55

CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE

JADE

When I wake up, it’s dark again. I must’ve slept all day. My head is still pounding and my muscles still ache but at least the nauseous feeling isn’t as strong as before.

I turn over and see Garret lying next to me, wearing the clothes he was wearing Saturday night. He probably hasn’t left my side since I got sick. I kind of remember him helping me off the floor and I know I talked to him a little but I don’t remember what I said.

He’s sleeping now. He’s on top of the sheet with no blanket on him. I’ve got all the covers wrapped around me, yanked out of the bottom of the bed. I unwrap myself and place part of the blanket over Garret. Then I lay on his chest and fall back to sleep.

I have no idea what time it is when I wake up again, but bright sunshine fills the room. I look over and see that Garret is gone. I feel a little bit better so I get up to use the bathroom but my vision blacks out on the way there. I drop to my knees until it passes, then crawl the rest of the way and run right into Garret’s legs.

“Where are you going?” he asks.

I look up and see him wearing yellow cleaning gloves.

“I have to use the bathroom.”

“I just finished cleaning it so it’s all set.” He takes his gloves off and reaches under my arms. “You need some help?”

“Yeah, I blacked out.”

“You need to eat something. I made Jello and I have some soup if you want it.”

He helps me into the bathroom, then waits in the bedroom until I’m done.

“I think I’ll take a shower,” I tell him.

He comes back in and turns the shower on. “I’ll go in with you. You can’t shower alone. You can barely stand up.”

I’m so lightheaded I have to hold on to Garret as he washes my hair and then the rest of me.

Part of me can’t believe he’s doing all this. You understand love even more when someone’s there for you when you’re sick. I’ve never had that before. I’ve never had anyone help me when I was sick.

“I love you,” I say to Garret as he helps me get dressed after the shower.

He smiles as he tries to get my arm through the sleeve of my shirt. “I love you, too. But you’re really hard to dress. Undressing you is a lot easier.”

I laugh.

“I got you to laugh. That must mean you’re feeling better.”

“I feel better. I’m just weak.”

“I can fix that. I’ve got a whole assortment of get-better foods.”

“When did you go out?”

“I didn’t. I had Dylan go get them.”

“Harper’s friend?”

“Yeah. He’s a good guy. I talked to him at Nate’s apartment on Saturday. The game was kind of boring so Dylan and I went out on the deck and had a—” He stops before he says ‘beer.’ “Anyway, I think you’d like him.”

“Garret, I didn’t mean to yell at you about the beer. That had nothing to do with you. I was just tired and really cranky.”

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s get some food in you, okay?”

I nod.

He tucks me in bed and disappears into the kitchen, then comes back with soup, crackers, and Jello arranged on a tray.

“I can’t eat all that,” I say, eyeing the tray.

“It’s a sampler platter. Just eat what you can. For beverages, I have water, juice, Sprite, 7-Up, and those sports drinks that have electrolytes.”

“Any of those is fine.”

He comes back with Gatorade.

I take a few sips of it, then eat a cracker, and a few spoonfuls of soup.

“Okay, that’s all I can eat.”

“You didn’t even try my orange Jello. I worked really hard on that.” He smiles as he takes the tray away. “I had to boil water and everything.”

“Sorry. I’ll try it later. My stomach is full.”

“At least you ate something.” Garret sits beside me. “Are you going back to sleep?”

“No. I’m not tired right now.” I check the clock. It’s 10 a.m. “What day is it?”

“Monday. Why?”

“Don’t you have class now?”

“It’s canceled because the professor is sick. And I’m skipping my afternoon classes.”

“Garret, you can go. I’ll be fine.”

He kisses my forehead. “You still have a fever and you’re blacking out. I’m not leaving you until you’re better.”

I smile. “You’re an awesome husband. Have I told you that?”

He smiles back. “Once or twice. But I don’t mind hearing it again.”

I reach up and kiss him. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Do you want me to bring the TV in here?”

“Um, no. That’s okay. I kind of wanted to talk.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

I don’t want to tell him this, but I have to. I can’t do this anymore.

“I’m having trouble keeping up with my classes.”

“That’s why you’re dropping one. I checked online for how to do that and I already—”

“Wait. How did you know I wanted to drop a class?”

“You told me yesterday.”

“I did?” I have no memory of that. I wonder what else I told him.

“Yeah, and I told you it was a good idea. Anyway, I printed out the form you have to fill out. Do you know what class you want to drop?”

He doesn’t care that I want to drop a class? I thought he’d be mad at me or tell me I’m not trying hard enough.

“Um, I’m not sure yet. I need to tell you something else. I’m—” This is so hard to tell him. He was so proud of me for wanting to be a doctor. Everyone was, and now I have to disappoint them.

“Go ahead, Jade. You can tell me.”

“I don’t think I want to be a doctor.” I say it really fast, then shut my eyes so I don’t have to see his reaction.

“Then don’t be a doctor.” He says it so casually that I think I must’ve heard him wrong.

I open my eyes and stare at him. “What did you say?”

“If you don’t want to be a doctor, don’t be one. Do something else.”

“You’re okay with this? You’re not going to try to talk me out of it?”

“Why would I do that? It’s your life. Your career. You should do what you want to do. Something you have a passion for.”

“But being a doctor makes sense. I’m good at math and science.”

“So find a different career that involves math and science.”

“The problem is, I don’t really like math and science. I mean, they’re interesting to learn about, but—I don’t know. It’s just not what I want to do. And being a doctor means I’d be working all the time and I don’t want to spend my life at work. I don’t need to, now that I have money. It’s not that I don’t want to work. I just don’t want it taking over my life, especially if I’m in a job I don’t even like.”

I wait for Garret to respond. He doesn’t, and I get nervous again.

“What is it, Garret? Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“Because I’m trying to figure out why you do this to yourself.”

“Do what?”

“Make yourself miserable.”

“I didn’t say I was miserable.”

“Jade, I live with you. I see you every day. And since the first week of classes you’ve been miserable. I just didn’t know how to help you because you wouldn’t talk to me.”

“I didn’t say anything because I thought if I could just do better in my classes I could still go to med school.”

“But you just said you don’t want to be a doctor.”

“Yes, but I told everyone I would.”

Garret moves so that he’s sitting across from me. “Jade, you don’t have to do something you don’t want to do just to please other people. Nobody said you had to be a doctor. You can be anything you want.”

“But I don’t know what I want to do. And what if I make the wrong decision?”

He takes my hand and looks me in the eye. “Then you’ll try something else. You can try 10, 15, 20 different things. Just keep trying until you find something you like.”

“So you won’t be disappointed in me if I don’t go to med school?”

“I’d be disappointed if you did go, now that I know how you feel about it. Listen, Jade, if this really isn’t the path you want to go down, then drop two classes or three . Stop wasting your time studying calculus and organic chem. Spend the rest of the semester figuring out what interests you instead of suffering through classes you don’t even want to be in.”

“I don’t know. I’d have to think about that.”

“Then think about it. But don’t let other people affect your decision. Don’t worry about what Frank thinks or what Ryan thinks or Grace.”

“I don’t even want to tell them. I know they’ll be disappointed.”

Garret laughs. “Jade, do you know how much I disappointed my dad and my grandfather when I told them I wouldn’t take over the company? And they didn’t hide their disappointment. They made sure I knew how they felt. And that’s just one thing. I constantly disappoint them, especially my grandfather. If I did what he and my dad expected me to do, I’d hate my life. You can’t worry about what other people want. You’ll never be happy if you do.”

I’m so relieved Garret reacted this way toward my news. I feel a million times lighter. It’s like all that pressure I felt is gone. I didn’t think I had options. I was convinced I couldn’t change my mind about med school. I told myself I had to be a doctor to make everyone happy. I’m not used to making myself happy. I don’t even think about it.

“You know what?” I ask Garret.

“What?”

“Sometimes I forget what a great friend you are.” I smile at him. “You have really good advice. I should talk to you more often.”

He smiles back. “Yeah, you should.”

“Hey.” I pull on him to sit closer. “Thanks for taking care of me through this whole flu disaster.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Are you kidding? I don’t remember everything that happened yesterday, but I’m sure it was disgusting. You didn’t see too much, did you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You didn’t see me get sick, right?”

“Of course I saw it. I was in the bathroom with you.”

“Ugh.” I bury my face in my hands. “You weren’t supposed to see that. Now you’ll never have sex with me again.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’ll have that image in your head and you’ll never want to do it with me again.”

He laughs. “Where do you come up with this shit? I’m not sitting around thinking about you throwing up. I’ve already forgotten about it.”

“Really? Then I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“And as for sex, we’re doing it as soon as you’re better. It’s been way too long.”

“I know. This dry spell of ours has gotta end.”

“I think it’s time for you to transition to the couch. You want to go watch some TV? I could put a movie in.”

“I would love that. I’ve missed watching movies with you. I’ve missed doing a lot of stuff with you. This Garret-free month has really sucked.”

He helps me off the bed. “It ends now. We’re spending more time together whether you want to or not.”

“I want to.” I kiss his cheek. “I really want to.”

* * *

On Tuesday Garret goes back to class but he only has one class. The others were canceled due to so many people being sick. I stayed home Tuesday and again today because I’m still feeling weak.

As bad as it was to have the flu, I’m almost glad it happened. It forced me to stop working so hard and to figure out why I was doing it in the first place. Getting sick was like hitting rock bottom. I knew things had to change. And I knew I had to talk to Garret about it. Now that I have, I feel like everything’s starting to come into focus. Being a doctor was never right for me. I just couldn’t see that before because I was too busy thinking about what I should do instead of what I wanted to do. And if I hadn’t gotten sick, I’d probably still be on that path.

I’ve now missed three days of classes and although I’m a little stressed about it, it’s not even close to how stressed I would’ve felt before I got sick.

I decided to drop organic chemistry and the lab that goes with it, so technically that’s two classes. I filled out the paperwork this morning and Garret dropped it off for me. It was such a great feeling just filling out the form. If I wasn’t so tired I’d be doing a happy dance around the living room right now.

My remaining classes are chem 2, advanced calculus, and my psych elective. It’s a much more manageable schedule. In fact, I’m actually looking forward to class now instead of dreading it. I don’t like calculus but my chem class is okay and I really like my psych class.

Around 2, I decide to go to the coffee shop. After being cooped up in the house for days, I needed to get out for an hour or so. Plus, Sara went back to work today and I want to see her.

“Feel any better?” she asks as I sit on a stool along one of the long tables.

“I’m still tired.”

“Yeah, me, too.”

“I shouldn’t complain. You’re tired and you have to work and take care of a baby. How’s Caleb doing?”

“He’s better. Another tooth came in. With his chubby face and his partial teeth he’s starting to look like a Jack-o-lantern.” She shows me a photo. We both laugh.

“So what happened with your job interview? Did they reschedule it?”

Sara’s interview was on Monday but she was too sick to go.

“No, they hired someone else.”

“Sara, I’m sorry. I know you were hoping to get that job.”

She shrugs. “It’s okay. I’ll find something else. You want something to drink?”

“I’d take one of your smoothies.”

“What kind?”

“Surprise me. Make it a different one this time.”

She takes off and an older man joins me at the long table. He sits across from me a few seats down and puts his glasses on to read his newspaper.

I see this guy a lot. He’s usually in here the same time I am. He always wears casual pants, button-up shirts, and a tie, which is how a lot of the professors dress so I assume he’s a professor.

“Have you had this flu that’s going around?” He points to the front page of the paper. The flu is the main story.

“Yeah, I just had it. I got it last weekend.”

“I haven’t had it yet.” His eyes roam the front page, then he opens the paper and scans page two. “But it seems to be spreading around campus.”

“Are you a professor?”

He glances at me. “No. I’m a consultant. I’m working on a project for the college. Since I don’t have an office on campus I come here to work. Are you a student?”

“Yes. I’m a sophomore.”

“What’s your major?”

“Chem—I mean, I’m not sure yet.”

“It’s an expensive school to go to if you’re unsure about your major.” He scans his newspaper again.

“What do you mean?”

“Once you decide on a major you’ll have to make up all those required classes you didn’t take your first and second years. So you’ll probably be in school for five or six years instead of four. That’s a lot more tuition money.”

“I guess.” I get my phone out and check for messages. There’s one from Garret asking how I’m feeling. He asks every hour. I text him that I’m at the coffee shop.

“What’s your name?” the guy asks.

“Jade.”

“No last name?” He chuckles. “Your generation never gives a last name. I’m Walter Payson. I go by Walt. And you are?”

He looks at me, waiting for my last name. Do I tell him? For some reason I feel like I shouldn’t, but then it just comes out. “Jade Kensington.”

He sets his paper down. “You’re not one of THE Kensingtons are you? I know it’s a common name but given the cost of tuition at Camsburg, it’s a possibility.”

“No, I’m not one of those Kensingtons.” I’m not sure why I lied. The man seems normal but his insistence on knowing my last name raises a red flag. And I’m kind of getting a weird vibe from him.

Sara comes back with a dark blue drink. “Here’s your smoothie.”

I taste it. “Blueberry and banana?”

“And orange juice. Do you like it?”

“I love it. This might be my new favorite.”

Sara walks over to Walt. “Hey, Walt. You want the usual?”

He smiles. “Yes, but give me the blueberry muffin today. Thank you, Sara.”

She goes back to the kitchen.

I follow her in there. “Do you know anything about that guy?”

She whips around, startled. “What are you doing here? You can’t be back here. I’ll get in trouble.”

“Sorry. I’ll wait out there.”

When she comes out of the kitchen, I ask her again. “What do you know about that guy?”

“Walt? He’s one of my favorite customers.” She takes some milk from the mini fridge under the counter. “He always orders a muffin and coffee. He’s really nice to me. He asks about Caleb all the time. He has a grandson the same age.”

“Does he work at the college?”

“Yeah, he’s some kind of consultant. He’s only here for a few more weeks.”

So his story checks out. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. Sara makes him sound like a normal guy. I go back to the table to drink my smoothie.

The guy notices me there but keeps his eyes on his newspaper. “You ever wish you WERE that Kensington?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Do you ever wish you were part of that family? You know, the other Kensingtons.”

That’s a strange question but I answer it anyway. “No. I don’t.”

“They’re one of the richest families in America. Who wouldn’t want to be part of that? You’d have an endless supply of money.”

“I don’t need all that money. I don’t think anyone does. If I had that much money, I’d give most of it away.”

He peers out the side of his newspaper. “I find that hard to believe.”

I’m insulted by his comment. I see him eyeing my large diamond ring and I quickly hide my hand under the table.

“Why do you say that? Do I look like someone who’s materialist? Because I’m not. I grew up without—”

His eyebrows rise. “Grew up without what?”

“Never mind.” I’m not telling this guy about my past or anything else about me. I don’t know why he’s so interested anyway. I don’t even know him.

Sara brings him his coffee and muffin. “I warmed the muffin for you.”

“Thank you.” He folds his newspaper up. “How’s Caleb doing?”

Sara smiles whenever someone even mentions Caleb. “He’s doing okay. He had the flu, which is why I wasn’t here the past couple days.”

“That’s too bad.” Walt pulls his phone out of his shirt pocket. “I just got a new picture of Adam.” He gives her his phone.

“Aww, he’s so cute.” She brings the phone over to me. “Jade, look. Isn’t he cute? That’s Walt’s grandson, Adam.”

The photo shows a baby around Caleb’s age, wearing jeans and a blue hooded sweatshirt with baby sneakers.

“Yeah, he’s cute,” I say.

“His father is the basketball coach at a small college in Minnesota,” Walt says. “He likes to dress Adam the same way he does. Jeans and a sweatshirt. That’s what my son wears to work every day. It’s his dream job. He doesn’t have to dress up and he gets to watch basketball all day.”

Sara gives him his phone back. “I have some other customers to help. Enjoy your muffin, Walt.” She races off to another table to take an order.

Walt sips his coffee. “Adam is my only grandson. My son and his wife don’t plan on having any more children. People don’t have large families these days. I came from a family of 10 kids. I grew up on a farm in North Dakota and all us kids had to help out. We never had money. I left home when I was 16 to get a job so I could finally have some money. It was stupid of me to drop out of school, but when you want money you’ll do just about anything to get it. You know what I mean?”

The way he asked the question and the way he’s staring at me right now, I feel like he’s accusing me of something.

“I should probably be going.” I fish through my purse for my wallet.

“I didn’t mean to bother you. Don’t feel you need to leave on my account.” He picks up his newspaper and starts reading again.

I don’t have anything smaller than a $20 bill. Sara will insist on giving me change back but she’s with a customer right now and I don’t want to wait for her. I just want to leave. I drop the $20 bill on the table.

As I’m putting my wallet away, I feel a hand wrap around my shoulder.

“I got your text.” I turn to see Garret behind me. “What are you doing here? You should be home resting.” He leans down and kisses my cheek.

Walt’s eyes leave his paper and a smug grin appears on his face as he sees me with Garret. He recognizes Garret. He knows I’m one of those Kensingtons. I’ve been caught.