Page 43

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

JADE

“What did your dad mean by ‘other things’? What was he talking about?”

Garret and I walk back inside and sit on the couch.

“He’s installing a security system for us.”

“Why do we need one?”

“Because once word gets out that we’re Kensingtons, we’ll be a target for criminals. They’ll think our house is full of expensive shit, like jewelry and electronics. So my dad’s setting up cameras and an alarm system.”

“You really think someone might try to rob us?”

“The other day I saw a guy driving by our place. He was going really slow and when he saw me watching him, he drove off. It seemed suspicious.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I wasn’t sure what he was doing. I thought maybe he was just looking for an address, so I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to scare you. But Jade, you’ve gotta be more careful. You need to stop running by yourself and you need to always lock the doors and windows when we’re gone and whenever you’re alone here. I know you like the windows open but keep them closed unless I’m home with you.”

“You didn’t tell me to do that last summer.”

“Because you had Sean and Harper next door. Someone was always around. Now we’re alone out here. Most of our neighbors are gone, so we’re basically by ourselves. You know, now that I think about it, this seems like a bad place to live. Maybe we should move to an apartment where there are more people around.”

“I’ll just keep everything locked, like you said.”

I don’t agree to stop running because I think Garret’s being overly cautious. Even though our neighbors next door are gone, the houses a few down from ours still have people living there. And the beach usually has people on it, so I’m not really alone when I run.

“I have something else to tell you.”

I groan. “Do you have to say that every time you give me bad news?”

“It’s not bad news.”

“It still makes me nervous when you announce that you have to tell me something. Just say it.”

“My dad gave me some money. A lot of money.”

“He can’t do that. He’ll get in trouble.”

“He found a loophole that allows me to have it. And this money isn’t really his. It kind of is, but not really. It’s the insurance money he got after my mom died. He kept it in a separate account ever since he got it and now he wants me to have it.”

“How much is it?”

Garret reaches in his pocket and hands me a check made out to him for $2 million.

“Wow. That’s a lot of money.”

“It’s not even close to what my inheritance would’ve been. And it’s a lot less than I had in my trust fund.”

“It’s still a lot of money, Garret.”

He takes the check and stuffs it back in his pocket. “I’ll go put it in the bank today.”

“We don’t have a bank here. So you’re opening an account?”

“Yeah, I’ll have to. I’ll just go do it right now. It shouldn’t take long. You can stay here.”

“But I have to sign stuff, don’t I?”

His eyes shift to the floor and he doesn’t answer. It takes a moment but then I get it.

“You don’t want me on the account.”

He looks up at me, his brows raised. “Are you okay with that?”

“Um, yeah. I guess.”

“I just thought since your trust fund and credit card are only in your name, I would get an account of my own.”

“I could ask Grace to add your name to those accounts. It’s not like I was intentionally leaving you off them. I just didn’t think about it.”

“That’s okay. You don’t need to do that.”

This money conversation is causing tight knots to form in my stomach. This is the first time we’ve really addressed the money issue and I wasn’t ready to do it right now.

“Garret, I’m okay with you having your own account, but I get the feeling there’s a reason behind it. Like you’re not telling me something.”

He doesn’t say anything.

“You’re mad that I’m the one paying for stuff, right? You liked being the one with money and now you don’t like that I have it.”

“It’s not that, Jade. I’m happy you have money. I just want some, too.”

“You already have it. What’s mine is yours.”

“It’s not the same as having my own.” Garret sounds calm, but I see his chest rising and falling.

“Why not? What’s the difference?” I hear the anger in my tone and I need to get control of it. I don’t want to fight about this, although I think we already are.

“Because I need my own money.” Garret’s voice is raised. “Don’t you get that?”

“No. I don’t.” There’s that angry tone again. I can’t seem to stop it. “Is this some sexist guy thing? The girl can’t have money? Only the guy can?”

“I told you. I don’t care if you have money. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have it, too. And yeah, maybe I feel like less of man when I can’t buy you anything. Or when I have to ask permission to do so.”

“I’ve never once made you ask permission for money. You take cash out of the ATM all the time.”

“Yeah, and you always check my pockets for the receipts, like you want to make sure I didn’t take out too much.”

“I clean out your pockets before I do laundry. I’m not checking your stupid receipts.”

“Jade, I’ve seen you look at them. You don’t just toss them in the trash.”

“So? I’m not allowed to do that?”

“You do it right in front of me! I get the message, Jade. You’re telling me not to spend too much.”

“I’m not telling you anything. I’m just looking at a damn receipt!”

“It’s not just the ATM receipts. I feel like I can’t buy anything unless it fits within your approved price range. I went all summer without buying stuff because I knew if I did you’d tell me I spent too much.”

“That’s not true.”

“You can’t even buy yourself anything. You agonize over even the smallest purchases. You have millions of dollars, Jade. You just need to buy shit and stop worrying about how much it costs.”

“I’m not used to having money, okay? So yeah, it’s hard to spend it. And I’m sorry you think I’m trying to control your spending. I’ll never do it again.”

“You won’t have to, because I have my own money now. I’m not using that ATM card or the credit card. They’re all yours.”

“They’re ours . We’re married, remember? We don’t have his and hers.”

“Married people can have separate bank accounts. This isn’t a new idea and it doesn’t say anything about our relationship. It’s just separate accounts. That’s it.”

I get off the couch and pace the floor because I need to move. “Why do you need $2 million? You told me the night of our wedding that you didn’t care about expensive watches and clothes and all that other stuff. Did you change your mind? Did you decide you need a $50,000 watch or a better car?”

“No!” He stands up. “I didn’t ask for $2 million! That’s just what some insurance company thought my mom’s life was worth! I don’t even want the fucking money knowing that’s where it came from. But it’s my only option if I want my own money. So I took it, okay? I would’ve been happy with a few thousand. I just needed something that was my own. I’m sorry if you think it’s wrong of me to want my own money but it is what it is. And I know I didn’t earn the money so it’s not really mine but—it’s not yours.”

That last statement hits me hard. I never knew he felt this way. I thought he was okay with how things were. And now I find out he’s been hiding his feelings from me.

I stop pacing and look at him. “I can’t believe you went all summer and didn’t say a word about this.”

He goes to the kitchen and takes his keys from the counter, then walks to the front door. “I’m going out. I’ll see you later.”

“Wait!” I meet him at the door. “We’re not done here.”

“Yeah. We are.” His tone is gentler now, his voice quiet. “We’re both angry. We’re not ready to talk. I need to calm down. And so do you.”

I nod, unable to find the words that will make him stay. I don’t want him to leave. I need him here. I need him to stay. So why is he leaving?

I feel my throat getting dry and pressure building behind my eyes as I try to hold back the tears. But then one slides down my cheek.

Garret notices and gives me a hug. “We’ll talk later, okay?”

“Yeah.” I whisper it.

He kisses the top of my head, then lets me go and takes off. I hear the car engine and the sound of him driving away.

Another fight. This past week it seems like all we’ve done is argue. We went all summer without a single argument, but then we moved here and everything changed.

I feel myself slipping into the old Jade. I fight it. I really do. But the feeling is overwhelming. The trust I thought I’d built with Garret feels like it’s crumbling into pieces. He keeps saying he’ll be honest with me, but then he hides stuff from me, like he doesn’t trust me enough to tell me. And truthfully, I hide stuff from him, too. Why are we doing this? Why are we hiding things from each other?

My mind is racing and it’s making me jittery. I can’t be here right now. I need to get out and move. I need to run.

I race into the bedroom and change into my running shorts and a t-shirt. I grab my shoes, keys, and phone, then go back to the living room and straight out the door. I sit on the steps and put my shoes on, then take off sprinting down the beach.

My feet keep sticking in the sand and my legs are already aching, but it’s the type of pain I crave. The type I need to take over so the emotional pain melts away, or at least gets buried so deep I can’t feel it anymore.

I run and run, and soon I’m at the place where I was the other day when I was late getting home. But instead of turning around, I keep running. Garret would be mad if he knew I was out this far, but at least today I have my phone. Not that I would answer his call right now. I can’t talk to him yet. I need to figure out what’s wrong first. Not what’s wrong with him, but what’s wrong with me.

I don’t know why I’m reacting this way. It’s just money. I don’t care about money and I know Garret doesn’t either. Yes, he likes money, but I believe him when he says he would’ve been fine with a few thousand dollars. He just wanted some money that was his own.

Now I get why he kept insisting on finding a job last May. We had just moved in together and one day I found him looking online for jobs. I asked him why he wanted a job and he said he just thought he should get one. I told him I didn’t want him to, that he didn’t need to. But he did need to. He needed his own money. I just didn’t understand why.

I’m still not sure I understand it. But maybe I don’t have to. Maybe I just need to accept that he feels this way. It’s not like I don’t have my own hang-ups about money. I have plenty of them. Garret’s right. I do check his ATM receipts. And if it were the other way around, and it was his money and he was checking my receipts, I’d be mad, too.

I stop running and sit down on a large rock jutting out of the sand. I get my phone out. I need to talk to someone about this. And I can’t talk to Harper. She doesn’t know about my trust fund or that Garret lost his.

I could call Frank, but he’ll worry if I tell him Garret and I are fighting. And I’m not sure what advice Frank could give me. When he was married, he and his wife didn’t have any money to fight about. Whatever money they had went to pay bills.

The only other person I could call is Grace, but I don’t think she’d understand the situation. She and Arlin always had money. They both came from wealthy families. She was just as wealthy as him when they met.

I find her number and call her anyway. She always has good advice. Her phone goes straight to voicemail.

Damn. I really need to talk to someone.

I scroll through my phone, stopping when I see Pearce’s number. Before I can figure out why I’m doing this, I call him. He answers on the second ring.

“Hello, Jade. Did I leave something at your house? I tend to leave sunglasses lying around.”

“No, I um. . . I just wanted to know if you had a minute to talk. I know you’re busy so if you can’t, that’s fine. I probably shouldn’t have—”

“Jade, go ahead. I have plenty of time. I’m at the airport and my pilot is ill. I’m waiting for his replacement and it could be a while.”

What am I doing? I can’t talk to Garret’s dad about this! Why did I call him? Now I don’t know what to say. I could just tell him to have a safe trip and hang up. Or I could tell him the truth.

“Jade? Are you still there?”

“Yes.” My heart’s beating really fast and I’m tempted to just say goodbye and end the call. But for a reason I can’t explain, I change my mind. “I wanted to talk to you about that check you gave Garret.”

“I’m guessing it caused some issues between you two.”

“Yes. It did. And he left and now I’m not sure what to do.”

“What do you mean he left?”

“He was mad and he won’t talk to me when he’s mad.”

“It’s not just you. He does that to me, too. His mother did the same thing. She needed time to calm down before she’d talk to me. It’s frustrating, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. It’s really frustrating. I just want to talk it out and end it.”

“I’m the same way.”

I’m so relieved at how this is going. Pearce’s voice is calm and soothing and I feel myself relaxing.

“I assume Garret wants the money in his own account,” Pearce says. “Is that why you’re fighting?”

“Yes. That’s part of it.”

“He’s not doing this to hurt you, Jade. Or to exclude you. It has nothing to do with you, at least not directly. I don’t mean for that to sound harsh. I’m just trying to explain where my son is coming from. He loves you. He loves you very much. And he has a strong need to take care of you. It’s what men do when they love a woman. I know that may sound sexist but Garret doesn’t mean it that way. He respects women and he respects you more than anyone. You have more money than you’ll ever need and Garret knows that. And he’s okay with it. But he also needs money that is just his own. If he wants to buy you roses, he doesn’t want to have to use your money for that. Or maybe he wants to take you to dinner and doesn’t want to have to charge it on Grace’s card.”

I sit there quietly, taking in what he’s saying. He’s right. Garret wants to take care of me. It’s important to him. He’s old fashioned that way. He knows I’m capable of taking care of myself, but he still feels the need to take care of me. And this past year, I’ve learned to let him do that. It’s hard for me. I’m all about independence and being strong and not relying on anyone, especially a guy. I used to think it was sexist for a guy to even hold a door open for me, like he thought I was too weak to open my own door. But Garret doesn’t think I’m weak. He tells me all the time how strong I am and how I can do anything. So he doesn’t do this stuff because he thinks I can’t. He does it because it makes him happy. He likes opening a door for me or taking my hand when we cross the street. And he likes surprising me with things like flowers and chocolates. That’s just how he is.

Pearce continues. “Jade, Garret didn’t take the money because he wants to go out and buy himself expensive things. He’s not like that. He’s never been one to flaunt his wealth. But he might want to use the money in other ways, such as investing in the stock market. He’s always been interested in finance and last year he built up a portfolio of investments that was doing quite well. But then it was taken from him. I’m sure he wants to try investing again. Or someday he might want to use that money to start his business. But if his business or his investments didn’t do well, he’d feel bad that he used your money.”

“I hadn’t thought about that, but yeah, that makes sense.”

“Jade, I’m sorry if I caused problems by giving him that check, but I really felt that Garret should have it. If you two decide you don’t want it, I’ll take it back. But I want you to consider what I said before you make a decision.”

“I don’t want him to give it back. It’s his, and I want him to have it. That’s not what this is about. I mean, it kind of is, but it’s really more about him not telling me how he felt.”

“Well, that’s something you’ll have to work out yourselves. But Jade, keep in mind that all couples struggle with this, not just you and Garret. Spouses don’t always tell each other everything.”

“Yes, but this is something we should’ve talked about. It’s important. It’s not something he should keep to himself. All summer, he acted like he was okay using my money. Why would he do that? Why wouldn’t he tell me?”

“Because he couldn’t fix the situation. And if he can’t fix it, there’s no use complaining about it. He was broke all summer. He had no choice but to rely on you. He told me he tried to get a job.”

“Yeah, and I told him not to.”

“You probably should’ve let him get the job.”

“I know that now. I just didn’t understand why he thought he needed one. That’s why he should’ve told me how he felt.”

“He’s not good about expressing himself when he feels weak or vulnerable. That’s why he didn’t tell anyone about his shoulder.”

“I’m his wife. He has to tell me this stuff.”

“He will. Just give him time. He’s still young.” Pearce pauses, then says, “Jade, how did you feel when Garret was the one with money back when you had none? How did you feel when he was the one always paying? I’m just curious.”

“I didn’t like it. Actually, I hated it. I felt like I had no control and—”

Wow. Pearce should be a psychologist. It just hit me that Garret is feeling the same way I felt last year.

“I think you’re ready to talk to Garret,” Pearce says.

“I am. Thank you for talking to me. I feel a lot better now.”

“Anytime, Jade. And on a less serious note, if you ever need a laugh I have plenty of stories about Garret to share.”

“Are they as funny as his candy for kisses business?”

He laughs. “Yes, his childhood was full of stories like that.”

“Then we’ll definitely have to talk later. I need to go. I’m probably like six miles from home right now and I have to run six miles back.”

“You’re running?” His tone turns serious. “Alone?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m on the beach.” I look around. “I’m not sure where exactly. The beach goes on forever so it’s easy to lose track of where you are.”

“Go home. Right now.” His voice is stern, forceful.

“Yeah, I’m going. I’ll see you later.” I’m about to hang up but then I hear his voice again.

“Jade, wait. Is there anyone near you? Are there people on the beach?”

“No. I’m pretty far out. I’m way past where the houses end.”

“Where’s Garret?”

“I told you, he left. I don’t know where he went.”

“Are you running back now?”

“No, I’m walking. I can’t run and talk at the same time.”

“Then I’ll let you go, but keep your phone on. And start running.”

“Um, okay. Bye.” The phone is silent. “Pearce?”

He hung up without saying goodbye.

That was odd. My phone call with Pearce went great and I was feeling really good, but now I feel like he’s hiding something from me.