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CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

GARRET

I can’t sleep. I’ve been up all night thinking about how it’s going to feel to not have swimming in my life. I mean, yeah, I can still swim, but if I’m not competing on a team, then what’s the point? I’ve been on a swim team every year since I was 12 and I’m not ready to give that up.

The other reason I can’t sleep is because I keep thinking about Jade. I was a total ass to her today for no reason other than my shitty mood. I can’t do that to her. I can’t take my anger out on her for something she has no control over and knows nothing about. And I have no idea why I reacted that way about the party. I was practically yelling at her when she was asking about it which was completely out of line.

She would’ve gone to Kyle’s party and she would’ve tried to have a good time. And she would’ve done all that for me. She keeps thinking that because we’re married, I’m missing out on stuff.

I don’t know why she thinks that. I never tell her I feel like I’m missing out on anything. It’s true that I’d like to be more social but it doesn’t need to be at a party. I’d just like to find some people we could do stuff with, another couple like Sean and Harper. But I’m not sure if Jade’s ready for that. She didn’t have many friends in high school and she’s not really comfortable around new people. I’m hoping she’ll make new friends here, but it’s going to take a while. She doesn’t take rejection well, so if she tries to make a friend and the person turns her down, there’s a good chance she’ll give up trying. Then she’ll say she doesn’t need friends and spend all her time doing homework and running.

Speaking of running, she nearly gave me a heart attack when I couldn’t find her this afternoon. Who the hell runs for four hours? And if she insists on running for that long, she needs to at least tell me that and tell me where she’s going. And she needs to bring her damn phone!

I know I sound overprotective and some might say controlling, but I feel like I have to be. I have to keep her safe. Right now, this thing with the organization doesn’t seem final. Having Roth show up last July makes me think he has something planned. Maybe he doesn’t and maybe I’m just being paranoid. But Jade’s safety comes before anything else and if she, or anyone else, wants to think I’m being overprotective or controlling, I don’t give a shit. Until I know for sure they aren’t coming after her, I’m keeping a close eye on her.

“Garret?” I feel Jade’s hand on my back. “Why are you up?”

“I was getting some water.” I hold my glass up. It’s 3 a.m. and I’m sitting at the kitchen table in the dark.

“Are you coming back to bed?”

“Yeah, in a minute.”

She sits next to me. “I’ll just wait. I can’t sleep in there alone. That movie freaked me out.”

I laugh. “You feel asleep after the first few minutes.”

She leans her head on my shoulder. “Yeah, well, the first few minutes were really scary, okay?”

I kiss her forehead. “Let’s go to bed.”

As soon as we’re in there, she tangles her arms and legs with mine and falls asleep within a couple minutes. I eventually fall asleep, too.

In the morning we go to campus for my swim team tryout. I just want to get this over with. I know the outcome.

“You sure you don’t want me to go with you?” Jade reaches up to kiss me. “I love watching you swim.”

“I know you do, but not this time. Some other time, okay?”

“Okay. So I’ll meet you back here at noon.” She holds her phone up. “It’s on and fully charged.”

“Good. You going anywhere besides the bookstore?”

“I might check out the library. I’m not sure yet. If you get done early, just call and we’ll meet up. Love you.” She kisses me again, then takes off for the bookstore.

I trudge over to the pool, nerves balling up in the pit of my stomach. I go in the locker room and quickly change into my swim trunks.

When I get to the pool, Keith is waiting with a clipboard and a timer. Great. Like I’m not already nervous enough? He can’t even let me get some laps in before he starts timing me?

“Garret.” He smiles. “You’re right on time.”

“Yeah. Can I do some warm-up laps first?”

“Of course. Go ahead. I have to make a phone call. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

I stretch a little at the edge of the pool. My shoulder feels okay right now. After the bench press yesterday, I thought for sure it would ache when I got up this morning, but it didn’t.

I dive into the pool and do some laps. The water feels good and I start to relax. Maybe this won’t be so bad.

About five minutes later, Keith comes back. “You still warming up? Don’t feel rushed. If you need more time, just say so.”

“No, I’m good. What should I start with?”

He gives me the choice so I pick the backstroke. I swim to the end of the pool and back, then repeat that a few more times. I’m moving fast and my shoulder feels fine.

Keith stands at the edge of the pool. “That’s excellent, Garret. Great form.”

“How was my time?”

“It was good.”

“What was it?”

“Let’s not think about times right now. Let’s focus on form. Try the breaststroke next.”

Good? He describes my time as being ‘good’? That means it sucks. Shit. I need to go faster. I do the breaststroke up and down the lane twice.

“Also very good form.” Once again, Keith doesn’t mention my time. “Show me the butterfly. Eight laps.”

My shoulder is starting to ache but it’s tolerable. I take off, doing the butterfly, which is my least favorite stroke because it’s my weakest stroke.

“A few form issues to work on,” he says, “but otherwise very good. Freestyle next?”

“Sure.” I do the crawl, going as fast as I can. The ache in my shoulder is really bothering me now and it’s pissing me off. I try to ignore it and swim faster.

When I’m done, I see Keith sitting on the bleachers, writing something on his clipboard.

“Come on over, Garret.”

I grab my towel and meet him on the bleachers.

Keith sets the clipboard aside. “You’re an excellent swimmer and I’d love to have you on the team.”

My heart pounds harder in my chest because I sense a ‘but’ is coming.

“But I can’t let you on the team with an injury.”

“I don’t have an injury.” I sit up straighter. “I feel fine.”

He nods. “I know this is hard. I’ve been in your shoes. I had an injury my junior year. Unfortunately it never recovered enough for me to compete again.”

“That’s not me. I promise you. I’m fine.”

“I know you think you are, but I can see that you’re not. Your form is off and I can tell it’s from your shoulder.”

“You just said I had good form.”

“You do, but then it changes when your shoulder starts bothering you.”

“I’m just tired from the move. Let me try again next week when I’m more rested.”

He sighs. “I talked to your father. He told me about your injury last year.”

I feel myself tensing up. “Why did you call my father?”

“I always call the parents when I’m considering someone for the team.”

“And he told you I had an injury?”

“He didn’t offer it up. I asked him and that’s when he told me.”

I wonder what exactly my dad told him. He couldn’t tell him I got shot. He must’ve made up some story.

“What did he say?” I ask him.

“He didn’t have much time to talk so he didn’t go into details about your injury, but he said you healed quickly and didn’t finish your physical therapy appointments.”

“I didn’t need to. Like I said, I feel fine.”

“You don’t need to lie to me. I understand what you’re going through. When I injured my shoulder, I did just what you’re doing now. I tried to ignore the pain and hoped it would go away. But it didn’t. It just got worse.”

I get up from the bleachers. “So I didn’t make the team. I got it. Thanks.”

“Garret, I didn’t say that. I’d like to have you on the team, but I’d like you to see a specialist first and see what’s going on with your shoulder. If the doctor gives you the okay, then I’ll have you join us for practice and we’ll go from there.”

“Just forget it. I want to compete. If you don’t think I’m good enough, then I guess we’re done here.” I walk off toward the locker room.

“Wait.” I hear him trailing behind me. “Just hear me out.”

I turn around. “What?”

“I’m not one of those coaches who puts their guys out there when they’re in pain. And I don’t shoot them up with painkillers or anti-inflammatories just so they can compete. I care about the guys on my team. I have two sons in high school who are also swimmers and I treat my guys here at Camsburg like I treat my own sons. Their health is more important than winning. I know a lot of coaches would disagree with me on that, but that’s how I feel. I want you to see a specialist. I have someone I can recommend. His office is in the next town over, about a half hour from here. Maybe he’ll say you just need to go back to physical therapy. If so, then let’s get that started and we’ll get you on the team.”

“So if I do physical therapy I’m on the team?”

“Let’s see what the doctor says first. Sound good?”

“Sure. Thanks.”

“I’ll send you his information. Try to get in to see him next week, then call me and let me know what he says. And if I don’t hear from you, I’ll be calling you myself. I really want you on the team, Garret, so I hope it works out.”

I go in the locker room, not sure how I feel. Keith is a good guy and I didn’t mean to yell at him, but I’m annoyed that he called my dad. I’m an adult and I’m married, so having him call my dad makes me feel like I’m 13 again. But at least my dad didn’t make a big deal out of my shoulder. Then again, he has no idea how much it’s been bothering me because I’ve hidden it from everyone.

I’m actually kind of relieved Keith is forcing me to see a specialist. I sure as hell wouldn’t do it on my own, but now I have an excuse. Maybe this doctor can fix my shoulder and I won’t have to think about it anymore.

I call Jade. “Hey, I’m done.”

“How’d everything go?” She sounds excited for me and now I have to disappoint her. Again. I’ll tell her later.

“It was fine. Are you still at the bookstore?”

“Yeah, I’m still here.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes.” I hang up and change back into my clothes.

Jade’s shopping for a laptop. There aren’t a lot of stores in this town so she’s hoping she’ll find a laptop she likes at the campus bookstore. They have a good selection and they give students a discount.

I see her when I walk in. She looks totally confused as she tries to compare the spec sheets.

“Need some help?” I come up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her cheek.

“I don’t know which one to get.”

I lean over her shoulder and glance through the specs. “Get the more expensive one. It has more memory and it’s faster.”

“But it’s $300 more.”

“Jade, you have plenty of money. Just buy it.”

“Grace is making me charge it on that credit card she gave me. She reminded me last week. She said she already got Sadie and her sisters new computers.”

“Then get the more expensive one. Grace can definitely afford it.”

“I feel bad making her pay for it. It’s a lot of money.”

Jade still does not understand that a lot of money to her is not a lot of money to people like Grace. The laptop Jade wants is $2000. That’s nothing, but to Jade it’s like $200,000.

“Jade, I guarantee Sadie spent way more than that on whatever computer she bought. I also know that Sadie racks up thousands of dollars a month on her credit card buying clothes and shoes. I’m sure her sisters do, too. Besides, Grace doesn’t see the bills. They go to whoever manages her money for her.”

I reach around Jade and grab the sales slip for the laptop and head to the register.

“Where are you going?” She races up behind me.

“I’m buying your computer.” I hand the slip to the girl at the counter.

“I have to go to the back to get it,” the girl says.

I nod and she takes off to the back of the store.

“Garret, I’m not sure I’m getting that one.”

“You’ve been here for an hour and you narrowed it down to those two you were looking at. So do you like that one or not?”

“Yes.”

“Then you’re getting it. Decision made. It’s a good laptop. You’ll love it.”

Even though she’s worth millions now, Jade has a hard time spending money, which makes every decision monumental. So I’ve found it’s easier to just intervene once I know what she wants. I can almost always tell when she wants something, but getting her to admit it is next to impossible. I’m working on it, but for now I just need to take charge or a decision would never be made.

The sales girl returns with the laptop. Jade swipes her credit card and we leave.

“That was easy.” I take Jade’s hand as we walk to the car. I’m in a much better mood than I was earlier, which is odd because I was just told I didn’t make the swim team. But I feel like Keith actually gave a damn and really wants me to get better so I can be on the team. And I like that. It’s refreshing to have a coach care about his team more than his wins.

“I didn’t think it was easy,” Jade says. “I found it kind of stressful.”

“Then it’s a good thing I stopped by. You would’ve been in there all day.” I open her door, then put the laptop in the trunk and get in on the other side. “I think we should get some sandwiches and take them to the park. What do you think?”

“That sounds fun. Where are we getting the sandwiches?”

“I’m sure there’s a deli around here somewhere.”

She reaches over and puts her hand on my mine. “Are we celebrating that you made the team?”

“No. I just wanted to eat lunch at the park.”

“But you made the team, right? I mean, obviously you did. You were the best swimmer at Moorhurst until you got hurt.”

I don’t want to explain this in the car, so I pretend to put all my attention on the road. I spot a strip mall that has a sandwich shop and pull into the parking lot. “Let’s try this one.”

We get our sandwiches and some chips and soda and go to a park that’s attached to the public beach.

While we’re eating lunch, Harper calls Jade and they talk for a good 10 minutes. The two of them talk constantly, almost as much as when we were neighbors.

Jade says goodbye to Harper and sets her phone down. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to talk for so long.”

“It’s okay. I was just checking out the views.” I say it just as two girls in bikinis walk by. And yes, they’re hot.

Jade hits my arm. “Garret!”

“What? I was talking about the ocean.”

She rolls her eyes at me.

I toss out our trash, then come back and sit on top of the picnic table. It’s time to tell Jade what’s going on with me. I don’t want to wait any longer.

“Jade, I need to tell you something.”