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CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

JADE

My feet hit the sand and I take off running. I don’t even warm up. I just need to run. I need to feel the rhythm of my feet and arms working together. I need to feel my lungs gasping for air. I need to feel the burn of my muscles as they start to fatigue. I need to feel all of that instead of what I’m feeling right now, which is sad and confused and worried.

The day started out great, just like every other day since Garret and I moved in together last May. I can’t remember a single day when we haven’t been happy and in sync and excited to be together.

But today something’s off and it all started at that diner. As soon as the swim coach showed up at our table, Garret acted strange and uncomfortable. Then after we left the diner, he just shut down. And now he’s gone when we’re supposed to be spending the day together.

I don’t understand it. He’s worried about swimming tomorrow but I don’t know why he’s worried. He’ll easily make the team. He’s a super fast swimmer.

So is he mad about something else? Did I do something to piss him off and not realize it? I can’t think of what I did to make him mad. Is it because I talked to his coach? But why would he get mad about that?

I run faster, trying to do sprints but it’s hard to run fast on the sand and my legs are starting to hurt. I keep running, lost in my thoughts as I try to figure out what’s wrong with Garret.

I didn’t bring a watch and I forgot my phone, so I have no idea what time it is or how long I’ve been running. I’m guessing I’ve been gone for almost an hour, which means it’ll take that long to get back. I should probably head home, but first I take a moment to catch my breath.

I sit on the beach and look out at the ocean. I lie down and close my eyes and listen to the sound of the waves. It’s so soothing that I drift off to sleep.

When I wake up it’s not as hot out, the sun now hidden behind the clouds. I stretch a little, then start running back. After what seems like forever, I finally see our house. I’m exhausted. My feet hurt. My legs hurt. Basically everything hurts. Running on the sand is so much more tiring than running on pavement or a dirt trail.

As I approach the door, it opens and Garret’s standing there. “Jade, what the hell?” He pulls me inside. “Where have you been? I was freaking out!”

“Why are you yelling at me? I was only gone a couple hours.” I go in the kitchen and fill a glass with water and gulp it down.

“A couple hours?” Garret appears in front of me. “You’ve been gone for almost four hours, Jade. Four fucking hours! And you didn’t bring your phone!”

I check the clock on the microwave. Shit, he’s right. I have been gone that long.

“Sorry. I fell asleep on the beach. I must’ve slept longer than I thought.” I refill my glass with more water. I’m still kind of pissed at Garret for his earlier behavior so I don’t really care that he had to sit here wondering where I was.

Garret takes the glass from me and sets it on the counter. He turns me toward him, his hands on my shoulders. “Jade, I don’t think you understand. I was freaking out here. I almost called the cops.”

“You’re overreacting. I was just running.”

“Yes, and if we were a normal couple who didn’t have to worry about shit, then maybe I wouldn’t be so upset right now. But that’s not us. So I can’t have you run off like that and not tell me you’ll be gone for four hours.”

“We’re not normal?” I reach around for my glass and drink some more water. “What does that mean?”

“You know what it means.”

“No, I really don’t. I need to sit down. My legs are killing me.” I bring my water and take a seat at the kitchen table, putting my feet up on the other chair.

Garret picks my feet up, placing them across his lap as he sits down. “You know we have to be careful.”

“Why? You keep telling me it’s over. Are you saying it’s not?”

“It’s over. But I still worry. I don’t want them to try and—”

I set my glass down. “Try what? What would they try?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know. I’m just paranoid, I guess.”

“You told me you weren’t worried about it anymore. The week of our wedding you told me to never think about the organization ever again. You said we shouldn’t let them scare us or mess with our heads.”

“I know, and I’m not doing that. I just—” He looks down, rubbing his forehead. “I just worry about you.”

“Why?” I take my feet off his lap and set them on the floor. “What are you not telling me? Did they threaten to hurt me?”

He looks at me again. “No. That’s not it.”

“Then what is it?”

He’s quiet and it’s scaring me. I’m so sick of the organization and I’m tired of Garret not being able to tell me anything about them.

“Tell me, Garret. You’re not keeping secrets from me. Just tell me why you’re so worried about me.”

He stands up, running his hands through his hair. “Because I love you, okay? That’s why I’m worried. Because I don’t want anything to happen to you. So you can’t just fucking disappear for hours at a time without your phone.”

“Why else are you worried?”

“Isn’t that enough of a reason?”

“There’s something else. I can tell. You think they’ll come after me. You think they’ll do something to me to get back at you for not going along with their plan.”

He walks in the kitchen and leans back against the counter, staring down at the floor.

“Garret. Is that true?”

He sighs. “Yes.”

I get up and go stand in front of him. “Why? What happened? Did your dad tell you something? Are they planning something?”

Garret shakes his head and pulls me into him. “No. I just—” He sighs again. “I can’t stop thinking about it. I know my dad said this is just what they wanted. To make me live in fear, always wondering, always thinking they’ll come back. And I know I said I wouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I think about it, Jade. I think about it all the time. I don’t give a shit what they do to me, but I won’t let them do anything to you. I can’t. It’s my job to protect you and I feel like I can’t do a good enough job. I can’t be with you 24/7. I can’t always be there to make sure nothing happens.”

I look up at him. “You don’t have to be. I’m fine. Nothing will happen to me. I can take care of myself. I did before I met you and I can now.”

“Before you met me you weren’t involved in this. Now you are.”

“You said it was over. So why do you keep acting like it’s not?”

“I know it’s over. I know I should stop worrying. But I don’t trust them, Jade. They waited 12 years to go after my mom. Twelve fucking years. They waited until my dad was married and had a kid and 12 years had passed. He thought she was safe. And then they killed her.”

He holds me closer, taking deep breaths.

“How long have you been worried about this?” My cheek’s against his chest and I can hear his heart beating really fast.

“Since we got married. Actually, before that. Since Roth showed up at the restaurant that day.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because this is my thing, Jade, not yours. I’m letting them fuck with my head and I need to get over it. And I’m trying to. I really am. But I haven’t been able to yet.”

“Garret.” I speak softly. “They did that to your mom because your dad is a member. You’re not. You never will be. They’re not coming back for you. Your dad asked Roth and he admitted he only showed up at the restaurant to scare us.”

“I know all that. But I also know what they’re capable of. I know the type of people they are. And I don’t trust them.”

I pull back and look at him. “What are you saying? You really think they’d do something?”

“I think I just need more time to accept the fact that they won’t. The whole thing is still too fresh in my mind. Maybe now that we’re married and living in this town I’ll get over it and accept that they’re not coming back and that this really is over.” He lifts my chin up and our eyes meet. “But until then, would you please not run off like that without your phone? And without telling me how long you’ll be gone?”

“Yes. Sorry. I didn’t mean to be out that long.”

His eyes remain on mine, his face serious. “I love you. So much. I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to you.”

“Nothing will happen.” I pull back but his arms remain around my waist. “Garret, I need to shower. I stink. I can’t believe you’re able to be this close to me without gagging.”

“You’re sweaty, but it’s not that bad.” He gives me a kiss.

“Could you help me? I’m really tired after running for that long. I can barely stand up.”

“Can I help you shower?” He smiles. “Yeah, I could do that.”

He follows me to the bathroom.

“You know what?” I ask as he turns the shower on.

“What?” He peels the clothes off my sweaty body.

“I think we just had a fight.”

“It wasn’t a fight. It was a disagreement followed by a discussion.”

“It was a fight.” I undo his belt and shorts and let them fall to the floor.

He’s still smiling. “Okay, I guess it was a fight.”

“Which means we need to have makeup sex. Shower makeup sex.”

“I don’t think we’ve done that before.” He strips off his remaining clothes and follows me into the shower. He grabs my hips and hauls me into him. Then he lifts me up and against the wall and puts his wet mouth over mine, his tongue pushing past my lips. Whenever we have sex after he’s angry, he’s more forceful and aggressive in the way he touches me and kisses me, like he is right now.

He pushes inside me and I gasp.

“Too rough?” he asks, his eyes aimed directly at mine.

I smile. “No.”

“You want more?” He smiles back.

“Way more.”

He continues, and the makeup shower sex is awesome. But I still feel like something is off with him. He isn’t telling me something. I don’t know why he thinks he needs to hide stuff from me. He should be able to tell me anything. So why is he doing this?

Later, as we’re eating dinner, Garret’s phone rings. He checks it and ignores the call. It rings again as I’m cleaning the dishes. This time he answers it.

“Hey. I can’t make it.” He listens, then says, “Maybe some other night. See ya.”

“Who was that?” I close the dishwasher and dry my hands on the towel.

“Just some guy I met today.”

“At school?”

“Yeah, at the gym.”

“What did he want?”

“He invited us to a party tonight. I told him we couldn’t make it.”

“Why can’t we go?”

“Because we don’t go to parties.” Garret walks over to the couch and sits down.

“Just because we didn’t go to parties at Moorhurst doesn’t mean we can’t go to them here.” I take a seat at the end of the couch, facing him.

“Jade, parties are just a bunch of people drinking. And you don’t drink.”

“You don’t either. Do you?”

“I meant to say ‘we.’ We don’t drink. Therefore we don’t go to parties.”

I tuck my legs into my chest, wrapping my arms around them. “Garret, you can drink. I don’t care.”

“Yeah, you do. But it’s fine. I don’t need to.” He turns the TV on and starts flipping through the channels.

“Hey.” I stretch my leg out and nudge him with my foot. “Can we talk about this?”

His eyes remain on the TV. “What’s there to talk about?”

I don’t like his tone. He sounds angry. What’s his problem today? It’s like he got up on the wrong side of the bed.

“Garret, what’s going on with you?”

He doesn’t answer. He found a sports show to watch and now he’s not listening to me. I sit next to him and take the remote, turning the TV off.

“I was watching that.” He tries to get the remote but I hide it behind me.

“Tell me what’s wrong. You’ve been acting weird all day and I don’t like it.”

“Nothing’s wrong. Can I have the remote back now?”

“On our wedding night, you said I could kick your ass if you’re being a bad husband. Well, I’m officially kicking your ass.”

“Why? I didn’t do anything.”

“Are you kidding me? You stormed out of here after we got back from the grocery store, then you yelled at me for getting home late from my run, and now you’re mad because we’re not at some party.”

“I’m not mad about the party. I didn’t want to go. I already told the guy that, so I don’t know why he’s calling me.”

“Who is this guy?”

“Kyle something. I don’t know his last name.”

“Why is he on campus so early? Is he from around here?”

“He’s on the football team. They get here early for practice.”

“Was the whole team at the gym?”

“No, just him.”

“Why don’t you want to go to his party? Because of me?”

“Jade, why would we go to a party with a bunch of drunk people?”

“Not everyone drinks. And even if they do, it doesn’t mean they’ll get drunk.”

“This is college. Everyone drinks. Everyone gets drunk.” He reaches behind me for the remote but I bury it under the pillow.

“Garret, I want us to do normal things that college students do. Just because we’re married doesn’t mean we have to sit at home watching TV every night. This isn’t Moorhurst. I can go to a party without having to worry about running into Blake or Ava or Sierra. We have a fresh start here. And I think we should get out and do stuff.” I pick up his hand and thread our fingers together. “And if you want to drink now and then, I’m okay with that.”

“Can we stop talking about this party?” He raises his voice. “I don’t want to go. Just drop it.”

I give him a moment to calm down. Why is he getting so angry? We’re just having a conversation.

“I don’t want you to be mad at me for missing out on stuff, or. . . or regret getting married when we did.”

“Jade.” His voice softens and he pulls me over onto his lap. “I’ll never regret that. Don’t you ever think that. I love being married to you. I don’t care if we sit and watch TV or go out somewhere. It doesn’t matter what we do. I just want to be with you.”

“Are you sure?” I smile a little.

“I married you, Jade. I’d say that’s a pretty permanent way to say I want to be with you.”

“So you’re not mad at me?”

He kisses me. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“I don’t know. I just get this feeling that you are.”

“It’s not you. I’m just tired from the move. I guess it put me in a bad mood. I’m over it now. Let’s just watch a movie.” He lifts me off him and sets me on the couch, then gets up and goes to the metal stand that holds the movies. “You pick.”

“Can it be a scary one? Like a horror movie?”

“Whatever you want.” He stands there, waiting.

“Let’s watch Carrie. The original, not the new one.”

He shakes his head as he takes it from the rack. “I don’t get why you like these movies. Don’t they give you nightmares?”

“No. Never.”

He puts the movie in, then slumps down on the couch. It’s clear he’s dreading this movie.

I kiss his cheek. “We can watch something else.”

He puts his arm out. “Get comfortable. It’s about to start.”

I sneak into my spot under his arm. “Thanks for letting me pick the movie. I know you hate this one.”

“I won’t be watching much of it.” He kisses my forehead. “You’ll be asleep in five minutes and then I’ll turn it off and watch sports.”

“I’m not going to fall asleep. I’m wide awake.”

“Good.” He slides farther down on the couch, making my spot under his arm even cozier. “Enjoy the movie.”

“I will.” After the first few minutes I feel myself dozing off, then jerk awake.

“You still awake down there?” I hear Garret laughing.

“Yes. Why?”

“Just checking.”

My eyelids get heavy and I can’t help it. I fall right to sleep.