Page 71 of Fathers of the Bride

“Yes, I know I’m all over the Internet. Kelly told me.” Of course, I hadn’t bothered to look. Surprisingly, I had little desire to see myself flung into the Pacific.

“Well, what are you going to do about it?” Pudge said.

“I don’t know. What am I supposed to do about it?”

“Issue a cease and desist. Issue a hundred of them.”

“Now Pudge, you know it’s not Miles’ fault, don’t you?” Jeffery asked.

“What do you mean it’s not his fault? He’s the one who jumped off the pier.”

“I didn’t jump. I was thrown. The elephant—”

“Potato, patah-to. You upstaged us. And that’snotokay.”

“Let’s unpack that,” Jeffery said. “Why is it not okay?”

“The party was supposed to be about us.”

“The party was supposed to be about your son and future daughter-in-law.”

“Well, yes, that’s what I meant.”

“It’s not what you said.”

“God, you are the word police.”

“Do you feel compelled to make everything about you?” Jeffery asked.

Pudge was livid. Lissa stepped in and asked, “What’s the secret to this iced tea? It’s so good.”

“Cherry juice,” I said, though it was actually my own combination of cherry juice, apple juice and tiny bit of raspberry. I wasn’t going to give away all my secrets.

After taking a few deep breathes, Pudge said, “Miles, we spent a great deal of money on that party—”

“What did we say about the money talk?” Jeffery asked.

“…we went to lot ofeffortfor the engagement party and then, between Kelly and Avery abandoning us and you jumping off the pier—”

“I was flung—”

“Not to mention, Raj proposing to Andrew. Well, no one remembers anything else about the party.”

I wondered if that was a bad thing. They were staring at me, so I said, “Am I supposed to apologize?”

“We want in,” Pudge said.

“In what?”

“The wedding,” she said. “We want to help.” She turned to Jeffery and asked, “Is that better?”

He shook his head. “It’s obvious you think that because Miles is gay you can simply bully him.”

“You don’t know that. You can’t read my thoughts.”

“It’s your behavior I’m talking about.”

“What are you saying? This morning I was just a racist. Now I’m a racistanda homophobe?”