Page 31 of Fathers of the Bride

“That’s not true. I had a boyfriend in college who was a psych major. He did all his homework on me.”

“That’s not therapy, it’s malpractice.”

“Maybe I should go get him?”

“Your college boyfriend?”

“Miles.”

“You want to follow Miles to the bathroom?”

“Maybe if we had a moment alone...”

“You might not survive.”

Lissa was back with Dr. Fefferman’s card. Raj took it with an elaborate thank you and then asked, “Whereisthe bathroom?”

“Raj, no,” I said.

“I’ll just be there casually waiting when he comes out.”

“There are three bathrooms on this floor—one off the den, a powder room near the front, and then one for the help in the kitchen—and then there are four upstairs. Each bedroom has one.”

“Did you see which way he went?”

Lissa and I pointed in opposite directions. I was sure the direction I pointed in was wrong. With a sniff at me, Raj followed Lissa’s suggested direction.

Not knowing exactly what to say, I asked, “Have you always lived in Malibu?”

“Oh heavens, no. We used to live in Beverly Hills. But, well, divorce—I just couldn’t live in Pudge’s house nor could she live in mine so, we sold those houses and bought these.”

“And is your house decorated in all-white as well?”

She made a face that suggested she didn’t care for the all-white decorations and then said in a pointed way, “No. Everything inmyhome is ecru. Much more practical.”

I failed to see how but certainly wasn’t going to say so. I was struggling to make more small talk when Miles re-appeared.

“Are you alone?” I asked.

“Of course, I’m alone. I haven’t needed someone to take me to the bathroom since I was a toddler.”

And then Pudge was upon us. “Oh my God, men and their tiny balls.”

“Excuse me?”

“Golf! I couldn’t take one more second listening to them talk about swings and pars and which tiny balls are the best. Wait. Did you think I meant—” She guffawed. “That’s one thing I’ve always loved about gay men. Filthy minds.” And before we could object or even react, she went on. “All right. We need to talk wedding. Have the kids set a date?”

Miles glanced at me. “Not that they’ve told us.”

“How about…a Christmas wedding!” Pudge squealed. “Wouldn’t that be just wonderful. What religion is Kelly?”

“None,” I said. “We’re not religious people.”

“And I don’t know that a holiday—” Miles started but was quickly interrupted.

“Perfect!” Pudge squealed. “We’re protestants. I forget which kind, though. Haven’t been to church in a decade. Maybe two. But don’t think I don’t believe in God. God is at the center of my life, so much so I never think of him. Ha!”

“If it’s going to be a Christmas Wedding it has to be in a church. What’s the oldest church in L.A.?” Lissa wanted to know.