Page 111 of Fathers of the Bride

“Oh, you called me Andrew. That’s so sweet.”

It was a long-standing joke between us that I never called him Andrew. He’d never allowed anyone else to call him Andy. Only me. It had always been my way of taking him down a peg. Which was important since I always felt he was a few pegs above me. Like right now.

I glared at him.

“I was going to tell you tomorrow. Or after the wedding. Or at least after ceremony.”

“Tell me what?”

“We’ve got another show. On Explore!” He lowered his voice and said, “It’s calledWedding Wars. The pitch is two families compete to make the perfect wedding for their children.”

“You said ‘we’. What does that mean?”

“Well, you’re a producer this time.”

“But I don’t know anything about producing.”

“And, you’re going to be the host, the emcee, the whatever.”

My heart leapt, I couldn’t believe it, another show! Now wait a minute—

“But I’m stilltoogay.”

“No. The CEO of Explore! is a closet case. He actually wants you to be gayer.”

“Gayer? I have to be gayer? How?”

“Darling, you don’t have to be anything but you. I’m writing that into the contract. Your sexuality and gender expression are completely under your control. They can’t give you notes on those things.”

“You mean, I could go full on Charles Nelson Reilly and they can’t say a word?”

“Not a peep.”

I may have squealed. “I could kiss you!”

“Please do.”

I kissed him. Quickly. Then I stepped back and said, “There’s something I’d like to say—”

“The two of you have to come with me.” It was Martha, standing next to us looking white as a sheet.

“What’s happened?”

“I don’t know exactly. Everything’s very confusing.”

We followed her into the house. She led us to the den off the living room. In the small room where we kept all the presents there were far too many people. The Lincoln-Collinses, Avery, Jeffery and Raj. Raj was streaming.

Jeffery was next to Pudge, who had put her head between her knees, he was saying, “Breathe, just breathe.”

“I can’t breathe. I can’t—”

“What’s the matter, Pudge?” I asked.

Looking up at me, her mouth gaped open, but no sound came out.

“Everything is going to be okay,” Avery said.

“Oh my God, what’s happened?” I said. “The look on your face is terrifying me.”