Page 32 of Fathers of the Bride

“I think all the really old churches are in undesirable neighborhoods,” Pudge said. Then she added in a whisper, “And Catholic. We’re not Catholic, that I’d remember.”

“Let’s look for something nice in Bel Air or Beverly Hills,” Lissa said.

“Kelly has already decided—” Miles tried again.

“What about venues for the reception?” Pudge asked. “Then we can look at nearby churches.”

“I’m thinking the Ebell, if it’s available,” Lissa said.

“I don’t know. What about Calamigos Ranch right here in Malibu?”

“We’re having the wedding in our backyard,” Miles said. While he managed to get out a complete sentence, he was thoroughly ignored. “It’s what Kelly wants.”

“Didn’t the Musks got married at Calamigos Ranch?” Lissa asked.

“I think so,” Pudge said.

“I just said—”

“Topanga? What about Topanga?” Lissa asked.

“Oh, that’s a possibility.”

Out of the corner of my eye I could see my ex getting redder and redder, about to blow. I had a terrible feeling where this might be heading. I attempted to think of a way to change the subject. Politics? Bad idea. Sports? I knew nothing. Television?

“Hey, did anyone hear they’re thinking of rebootingGilligan’s Island? They’re trying to get Kristen Wiig for Gilligan.”

Lissa glanced at me like I was an annoying gnat and said to Pudge, “You know we might need a ballroom—”

“Backyard,” Miles spit between clenched teeth.

“I actually think Kristen Wiig would be brilliant as Gilligan,” I said, though I thought no such thing.

No one heard me though, as my ex was screaming, “Backyard. BACKYARD. BACKYARD!”

11

Miles Kettering-Lane

And then,Pudge and Lissa brought up the wedding, making a series of ridiculous suggestions about where to have it. Andy just stood there not saying a G.D. word. Well, that’s not exactly true. For some reason he began gushing about Kristen Wiig when he should have been screaming, “No, no, no!” at those terrible women.

Finally, I calmly pointed out that our daughter wanted to get married in our backyard. Just like her fathers had. And that the wedding was definitely going to be in our backyard. It had already been decided.

Bradley came in from the deck, asking, “Is everything all right? I thought I heard yelling.”

“No one’s yelling,” I snapped, then calmed myself. “I just casually mentioned that Kelly has always wanted to get married in our backyard. That’s all.”

“Oh, that couldn’t possibly work,” Bradley said. “I’m sure you have a nice backyard, but it’s too small.”

“It has four terraces,” I pointed out. “Four.”

Then I did the unthinkable and asked Andy, “How many people were at our wedding, dear?” I hadn’t meant to add the ‘dear’ at the end, but no one seemed to notice.

“One hundred and eighty-six,” he said.

“All in our backyard,” I pointed out.

“It’s nearly three quarters of an acre, when you add the terraces together,” Andy said.