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Chapter forty-seven

Silas

A beautiful silver lining.

The nurse—Jen, she said her name was—takes me up a few floors and down a few hallways until we reach a set of double doors with the words ‘ Neonatal Intensive Care Unit’ written above them.

She pushes them open and walks into another short hallway that leads to a second double door, where a woman stands with a shirt that reads ‘ N.I.C.U’ . When she spots us, she walks over.

“Hi, Mr. Hayes. My name’s Kimberly, I’m the one who’s been taking care of your son. We’ll head inside in just a moment, but I’m going to need you to put a gown on first, then wash your hands thoroughly with the antibacterial soap by the sink.”

While I’m finishing up washing my hands, Jen tells Kimberly to buzz her when I’m done here so that she can bring me to my wife. I follow Kimberly through the doors and into the NICU.

The space is quite the contrast to the rest of the hospital. It’s so quiet. The only sounds are the buzz and beeps of machines, and a slight murmur of voices from the people in the unit. The lights are also dimmed, giving this relaxing, nighttime ambiance.

We pass by a few incubators and open little beds, some carrying babies and others empty.

Kimberly brings us to the far end of the unit where a single incubator with a monitoring screen and other machines resides.

It’s separated from the rest by a tall rack that holds all sorts of linens, making it feel like a private room.

“We thought it would be best to place him back here. We understand how fans can get and don’t want your time with baby to be interrupted when you or mom are here. It will give you guys a little more privacy this way.” She smiles warmly, then reaches the incubator that holds my son.

“Hi, baby. Look who’s here. It’s Daddy.”

I look down at my son through the thick, clear plastic. He’s so small, with wires all around him. Fear must show on my features because Kimberly immediately reassures me.

“He’s perfectly fine. This is all normal, it’s to help us monitor him and make sure he’s safe and healthy.

I know it looks scary, but it’s only to help him.

” She smiles again. “You see those stickers on his chest that have wires attached to them? Those are chest leads, they track his heart rate and the number of breaths he takes. The little bandage on his foot is to measure his blood oxygen levels. The little mask over his nose is a ventilator to help him breathe, which is completely normal. Most babies that come in here need it at the start,” she says calmly.

She then points to a tiny tube that goes into his mouth. “That’s to feed him since he’s still too small to be bottle or breastfed. But I give this little guy about two or three weeks, and he won’t need it anymore.”

She goes on, naming the rest of the things attached to him, explaining what they do and what everything means.

Then she tells me how things work in the NICU and that Cecilia and I can see him whenever we want, which is reassuring to hear.

I hate that our little guy will have to stay here for a while.

But it’s what he needs, and his health is all I care about.

“He’s so small.” It’s all I can think to say in this moment, because he is. I’m pretty sure he fits in my hand. Yes, I know I have big hands, but that’s beside the point. He’s still smaller than I expected.

“I know it looks that way, but you can’t forget that he’s also here a lot sooner than planned, so his tiny frame is completely normal.

I know you can’t tell, but of all the babies I’ve seen come through here at thirty-two weeks, he’s the biggest. Your boy definitely takes after you.

” She giggles lightly. “Would you like to hold him?”

My eyes turn to saucers while I look from her to my baby boy, then back to her. “I... I’ve never held a baby before, and I don’t want to hurt him.” I take a step back as if she might throw him in my arms, even though he’s still in his warm little nest.

“He’s not as fragile as he looks. These little ones are warriors and so much stronger than we think. I promise it will be fine, and feeling and smelling you will only help him heal faster. I’ll place him on you, and I’ll stay by your side the whole time. You have nothing to worry about, okay?”

I nod, still frightened, but she said it will help him, so I need to do this. “Okay.”

“Good, take off your gown and shirt and sit in that chair right there. I’m going to place him on your bare chest. We call it the kangaroo care, which essentially means skin-to-skin contact.

It’s proven to be very healing for them, which means they get to go home sooner.

It’s also a great way to bond with your new baby. ”

I do as she says and settle into the recliner that’s placed beside the incubator. A minute later, Kimberly comes over carrying my son, who’s still attached to the monitors.

She instructs me to recline the chair so that he’s really lying on me. Then she lowers and places his tiny body in the fetal position against my chest, placing his arms and legs properly and turning his head to the side.

She then takes a warm blanket and puts it over his body and under my arms. Taking my hands, she places them on him, one cradling his little butt and the other resting on his back.

I look down at my son, completely amazed that Cecilia and I created this little human.

A love I never knew existed fills me from the inside.

Something so pure it takes my breath away.

My heart and soul are no longer mine. They all belong to him now.

Every beat, every breath I take, it’s all for him.

My son.

My throat constricts while I fight back my emotions, but no matter how hard I try, a lone tear still falls from my eye when I lean in to kiss his little head that’s covered with a tiny blue hat.

“We don’t even have a name for him yet, we couldn’t decide on one...” It’s a thought that pops into my head when I notice the name tag on the side of the incubator written, ‘ Baby Hayes’ .

“That’s okay, there’s no rush. You still have time to think of something.

A lot of parents actually wait until the birth to choose one, it just comes to them suddenly,” Kimberly says softly from beside us as she watches with love in her eyes.

But I can tell it’s not directed at me, it’s the image we give that touches her.

“My husband was one of the security guards that helped you guys leave the arena. When I heard your wife was in the hospital, I texted him to see if he could pass the message some way.” She smiles tenderly.

“I know it wasn’t really my place, but if I were in a similar situation, I would want someone to try and reach out to my loved ones, even if it’s a stranger. I can’t wait to tell him that you’re all okay,” she says, and I feel a new sense of gratitude toward her.

Not only is she taking care of my son, but she also tried to help get the message to me.

I don’t know if she really is the one responsible for our GM getting that call or if it was someone else.

But in this moment, I don’t care. She made a selfless act for a perfect stranger, and I’ll have to find a way to repay her and her husband. As well as all the others that helped.

“Thank you.”

She grins and looks down at my son. “A new life for the New Year. It’s a beautiful way to start the year. ”

I chuckle in response. “We should have seen it coming. It seems the first day of the year has a meaning in our relationship. The day I proposed to my wife, the day I nearly broke us… and now, I get to share my birthday with my son.” I may be oversharing with this woman, but she clearly knows who I am, so she most likely knows about our story.

“I’m glad that whole fiasco got cleared up, I’m sorry you and your wife had to go through that. But think of it this way. The good”—she nods to my sleeping boy—“erasing the bad.”

She’s right, we won’t ever think again about everything that happened to us. We’ll only remember the good it led to, the good we got out of it. Our son. “A silver lining,” I say.

“A beautiful silver lining.”

I spend about an hour with my son lying on me as I whisper little words into his ear. By the end of our cuddle session, I’ve come up with a name and pass it along. I know I should probably wait for Cecilia and check with her, but I think she’ll like it once she understands what it means.

As promised, Jen shows up at the entrance when I’m ready to leave. “Mom’s been transferred to a private room. She’s still asleep for now, and it might take a little more time before she wakes up. Do you want to go to her now, or do you want to go back to your family first?”

“No. I want to see my wife, please.”

Two minutes later, I’m finally seeing my wife for the first time since yesterday afternoon. I walk into the spacious private room and find Minnie fast asleep in the middle of the bed. She looks peaceful with a serene expression on her face. Pure innocence.

She has a bandage around her forehead and another on her left shoulder. As well as one on her lower stomach from the emergency C-section that I can’t see beneath her gown and cover.

I haven’t seen her doctor yet. But from what Jen told me; she has stitches on the left side of her forehead from splitting it open in the crash. And she has cuts on her shoulder from the windows shattering that only needed cleaning.

I haven’t looked to see if there are videos online of the crash yet, but apparently, she was lucky to make it out with so little scars.

I’m terrified to look and see how bad it was.

.. even if she’s here now, safe and sound.

Just knowing she was in that car alone and unprotected when it happened will kill me to see.

I sit down in the chair beside my wife and brush a few strands of hair away from her face before taking her hand and leaning in to kiss her cheek .