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It falls from his lips as he pulls out quickly and scoots me into his arms, cradling me to his chest. I let the cries out now, let my emotions pour out of my body and wail in his arms.
“I’m so sorry, Minnie. I’m so fucking sorry. Fuck. Please, please forgive me... I can’t lose you. I can’t, I won’t survive it. I’m sorry, Cecilia. I’m sorry,” he repeats the words over and over again as I hold on to him, needing to feel him with me.
Pleading with whoever is up there that it won’t always be like this, that there will be an end to this pain. I just want my husband. I just want Silas.
~ The Next Day ~
We wake up later than usual, having stayed up most of the night. Silas held me in his arms until my tears stopped flowing. Then he carried me to the shower and washed us both as I stood there, heartbroken all over again. I thought I was ready... but Silas knew better. It was too soon.
After our shower, he placed me under the covers in bed and left the room to let Milo out, returning fifteen minutes later to find me crying once more. He got into bed and brought me to his chest, where I continued to sob until I fell asleep.
This morning, I don’t feel too great. My eyes are puffy from all the tears, and I have a headache.
But even with the events of last night, I don’t want to take a step back.
I don’t want us at square one again. So I push my emotions aside and stride over to my husband in the kitchen and hug him from behind.
“Hey,” he says quietly as he turns around to face me. “How are you feeling?” He searches my eyes, holding my face between his palms .
“I’m feeling better. Thank you for last night, and I’m sorry for my outburst...” I push my face into his chest.
He runs his hand down my hair soothingly. “You have nothing to be sorry about, Minnie. But I think we should hold off on that for now.”
“Yeah, I think that would be a good idea... you were right, I wasn’t as ready as I thought.” I let out a breath, exhausted with everything.
“We’ll keep taking our time, like we were doing before last night.” He kisses my forehead before we break apart.
The rest of the morning plays out normally. We eat, talk, and take Milo out for a walk together now that we seem to finally have peace from the media.
When we get back to the house, Silas goes to our home gym to work out.
Even though it’s his day off, he’s religious with his workout.
I decide to head into my home office and catch up on work.
It’s the weekend, but Amanda emailed me new requests for a client that she thinks I may be able to help with.
After some time, Silas pops his freshly showered head into my office. “I’m gonna get started on lunch. Any requests?”
I look up from my laptop and smile. He’s always so thoughtful and caring, I could ask him for something impossible and he would find a way to make it happen. “Surprise me.”
“You got it.” He winks and disappears.
It takes me another forty-five minutes to finish up my work before I shut off my laptop and join my husband in the kitchen. When I get to the island, the smell of buffalo chicken assaults my nose and makes my stomach growl.
“Mmm, that smells good,” I say, walking over to him and trying to peek over his shoulder. Trying, being the main word. I don’t even reach his shoulder.
“Buffalo chicken wraps. I dialed down the heat for you since I know you aren’t a fan of that.” He looks back at me and smirks.
“Always so thoughtful.” I turn and grab us two plates and a bottle of water each, setting them down on the island. The moment my hands are free, Sy’s phone starts ringing. I look over and notice his agent’s name. “Hun, your agent is calling you.”
Silas removes the chicken from the stovetop and turns to grab his phone. “Barry?”
Immediately, his agent starts spitting out words at lightning speed. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but he sounds animated. Silas frowns the more he listens. “Who?”
Barry answers, and Silas’s eyes shoot up to meet mine, panic taking over his features. I don’t know what’s happening, but by the look on his face and the tone his agent is using, I’m guessing whatever it is isn’t good.
“SHE’S WHAT!?” His voice rises loud, startling Milo from his nap on the kitchen floor.
Just then my phone begins to ping with notifications, one after the other. No... not this again...
My hands grow damp as I reach out for my phone with shaky fingers. Multiple notifications from social media are coming in. I look up to my husband before pressing on any, and the look I find guts me.
His face has drained of any color, his eyes look heartbroken and pained. I quickly tap on the latest notification, knowing full well that this will change everything.
A wail leaves my lungs when I read the headline. My hand comes to my mouth, tears blurring my vision. I shake my head from side to side aggressively. “No... no God, please. No. Anything but this.”
This can’t be true... it has to be a lie. I need him to tell me it’s not true.
But he doesn’t. Instead, he tells Barry to get in touch with his lawyer, and I fall apart at the defeated look on Silas’s face.
I shake out of my shocked state on a sob and run out of the room, up the stairs with my phone in hand.
I quickly dial the number I’m looking for, and luckily, he picks up on the first ring.
“Clay! Please come and get me. Please… I can’t be here anymore...” I cry through my words, praying he understands.
“I know, C. I’m already on my way. I’ll be there in two. Just hold on.”
I don’t bother saying more, simply hanging up and throwing my phone on the bed.
From downstairs, I hear Silas yell, “FUCK!!” And something smashing, then him stomping up the stairs.
I rush into the closet, grabbing my suitcase and a big duffle bag, then set them open on the bed. I’m completely distraught as I begin to throw things in, wiping furiously at my eyes to stop the tears from blinding me.
“No, please, Minnie. Don’t do this. We... we can get through this. We’ll figure it out. Please don’t leave.” He tries to grab my hand, but I pull away quickly, moving away from his touch to continue packing my things.
“I can’t, Silas. I can’t stay. I can’t do this anymore…”
“That’s not true, this doesn’t change anything. It’s still just you and me, like we promised. You said we were worth it, that you wouldn’t give up.” He follows behind while I move around, trying to stop me from shoving things in the suitcase and bag.
I stop what I’m doing and turn to him, hurt at his choice of words. “This changes EVERYTHING, Silas! I was able to look past the fact that you slept with her and that the whole fucking world knew about it. But this? This I can’t.” I press my hand against my heart that burns with pain .
“Jesus, Silas. You have no idea how hard it was for me! Every time I closed my eyes, I could see her face, I could see your lips against hers. You touching her the way you’d touch me.
I could hear her voice in my head every time I fell asleep.
.. and it nearly broke me.” My voice cracks as another sob falls from my lips.
“But I was able to move on from it because it was in the past. It would never happen again, and I would never see or hear her again. She was gone for good. But that’s not the case anymore, is it?
” My body shakes violently, I feel nauseous, and I just want to be gone from here.
Away from him and this life that’s killing me from the inside.
“Cecilia...” He tries to reach for me again, but I swat his arm away.
“NO, SILAS! It’s not! Because now she’s carrying YOUR child.
Something that should have been mine... and now she’ll be in our lives forever.
I can’t do that, Silas. I can’t live with a constant reminder of the night you ruined us.
I’m sorry.” I’m crying uncontrollably, watching the tears roll down Silas’s cheeks as he realizes that I mean every word.
That I’m done.
I turn my back to him, needing to look away. It pains me to see him like this as much as the news of that woman’s pregnancy does. And I know if I look at him for too long, I’ll break and change my mind.
But I can’t. If I stay, I’ll never truly be happy again. I’ll be resentful to a child that did nothing wrong. This wasn’t supposed to be our life... if things hadn’t gone south that night, it could have been me.
It was supposed to be me.
Clay shows up in the doorway at that moment, and I rush over to him, needing comfort and support, no longer able to do this on my own. My body crashes into his front as he circles his arms around me, one in my hair, the other at my back.
“I got you, C. I’m here now. Everything’s going to be okay, I promise,” he says into my hair as I weep in his arms, clutching his sweater in fistfuls. “Shh, it’s okay. You’re okay. Just breathe, baby. Just breathe. Once we pack your things, we can get out of here.”
I nod against his chest, unable to speak. He detaches my body from his and holds me at arm’s length, making sure I can look into his pale gray eyes. “Go grab what you need in the bathroom and your office. I’ll finish packing some clothes, then we can leave.”
I nod once more and hurry into the bathroom.
“Minnie, please...” Silas starts for me, but Clay steps in, blocking his path and view of me.
“Back off, Hayes. She wants to leave, so she’s leaving. Don’t try to convince her otherwise.”
“Fuck you! You don’t know what my wife needs!”
“ AND THIS IS WHAT SHE NEEDS!? To raise the child of your mistress as her own!? Or will it be shared custody, where she’ll have to face the woman that you cheated on her with every other week!
? Is that really what you want for her? Is that the life you want for Cecilia?
” Clay shouts back. “Or would you rather let her go, as much as it hurts, and give her a chance to be happy? Rather than staying in this relationship that will end up killing her?”
Those words are like a slap to my husband’s face. He drops to the bed, hands covering his face while his shoulders shake from his silent cries.
I force myself to look away and finish grabbing my things as Clay heads into the walk-in and proceeds to grab piles of clothes. We won’t be able to take everything, but it will be enough until I’m ready to grab the rest.
I leave the room and run down the stairs, grabbing my laptop and files from my office, and anything else lying around the house that I may need. I run back up and stuff everything in the duffle bag as Clay zips up the suitcase.
“We’ll be back for the rest another day.” He grabs the bag and the case and heads down the stairs. I follow quickly behind, and it only takes seconds for Silas to show up as well.
“I’m sorry, Minnie. I wish I could change this, make it all go away.
I’ll find a way. Please don’t leave me. Please, I’m begging you!
I don’t know how to do this without you.
I can’t do it without you... I need you, Cecilia,” he pleads desperately as I slip on my shoes and pass through the now open front door.
Milo comes to the door, and I turn around, bending to kiss his snout. “I love you, Milo. Be a good boy to Daddy, okay? I’m going to miss you, bud...” Tears fall onto his fur as I nuzzle my face into him, then let go and stand.
“You promised... you promised you’d never leave me...” Silas chokes out the words from behind me, but I don’t turn around. I can’t see him like this. Because I’m seconds from giving in, and I know, right now, what we need is space.
“And you promised you’d never hurt me...” I whisper loud enough for him to hear me.
I walk down the steps and make my way to Clay’s car. With my hand on the handle, I hear Silas call out, “Wait. Please, just wait. There’s something I need to know... that night, you said you had something to ask me... what was it?”
The question stops me in my tracks. I stay frozen for a moment, then slowly turn to him.
He’s still by the doorway, looking like his world just came to an end.
I take a deep breath, forcing my voice to steady enough to answer.
Because he deserves to know. And maybe once he does, he’ll understand why I have to leave.
I look up into his eyes. Even from this far away, I can see the devastation in them. It’s quiet, so quiet. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears, whatever is left of it.
“If you wanted to have a baby with me...” My voice breaks at the end, and I turn quickly, ripping open the door and falling into the seat, then shutting it quickly as Clay backs the car out of the driveway.
Through the windshield, I see my husband, the man who became my world. The man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, fall to his knees...
Table of Contents
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- Page 61 (Reading here)
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