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Chapter thirty-four

Cecilia

The truth hurts… doesn’t it?

~ Two Weeks Later ~

Things between Silas and I have been going pretty well since we adventured out and seem to be slowly getting back to normal. Although we haven’t been intimate in any way, and I’m not ready for that, either.

I know it’s hard on Silas, but he also understands and doesn’t pressure me. Since our dinner date, Silas has been surprising me with gifts every day. Even when he’s on the road, I receive a delivery of some kind.

I love how much effort he’s putting in, and I feel myself falling all over again. I guess that’s not entirely true, I never fell out of love with Silas. That light was simply dimmed for a short while, but now I feel it glowing brighter and brighter with every day that passes.

I finally started working again and that has been something.

The first few days weren’t easy by any means.

As expected, there were reporters outside my work in the morning and at night, harassing me and following me to my car.

On the third day, when one very determined idiot tried to climb into my car by the passenger side, Silas lost it.

Since then, I’m no longer allowed to take my car to work. Instead, I have a personal driver named Walter, who drives me to and from. He walks me into the building, and when I finish my workday, I’m instructed to wait inside until he arrives at the door.

I wasn’t too thrilled at the idea, but I’m also really grateful. And Sy promised that once everything dies down and they give up on trying to get the inside scoop, I’ll be allowed to drive my baby again.

Then there’s also inside the office space. I had a few co-workers question how things were going or give me their opinion on the matter, and on Silas. Thankfully, Emma shuts them all up pretty quickly every time, but it still sucks having everyone’s nose in my personal life.

Other than that, the rest has been tolerable.

I’m thankful for Amanda, who’s been extremely accommodating to the circumstances.

She’s only been making me do in-office tasks that don’t require any contact with the actual clients.

It’s a blessing because I’m still not fully ready to face everyone so openly.

We’re currently at home, having just finished dinner with Clay, Morgan, Emma, and Aubrey. None of the other guys have been around the house yet, even if they’ve all messaged me to check in, to which I haven’t answered any.

I think Silas may have told them to give me some space because before the whole debacle, they were always stashed at our place, even without an invitation.

The only player that has been allowed in our home is Clay, not that Silas necessarily invited him in, but Clay wasn’t taking no for an answer. He’s become my rock through these dark times.

The girls were all amazing, and I’ll forever be indebted to them for everything they’ve done, but with Clay, it was different.

It was as if he knew exactly what I needed without me having to say a word.

And the fact that he was willing to throw away years of friendship for me made our bond grow even stronger.

The two men are still in cold territory and hardly speak to each other. Silas tries to engage in conversations every once in a while, but Clay just ignores him most times. It’s weird, I hadn’t expected Clay to take this so much to heart. But I think some part has to do with guilt.

He did admit in the first few days when we were alone that he felt guilty for leaving Silas at the bar and not dragging him back to the hotel like they had planned.

All I could do in that moment was to wrap my arms around Clay and let him hold me.

It was my way of showing him that it wasn’t his fault, and I never once blamed him for what happened.

Apparently, Clay isn’t the only one who feels guilty, and that would be Grey. Greyson has been blowing up my phone since the morning the news came out, and I’ve been ignoring him since.

He’s apologized a million different ways, even went as far as sending me flowers to the house.

Which Silas threw out immediately. I’m not sure how their friendship is going, but between me and Greyson, it’s nonexistent.

I know it’s not technically his fault, but the fact that he was there and encouraged my husband to get wasted really hurts.

With the history Greyson and I have together and the friendship we had managed to make out of it—despite the weird beginning—I would never have thought he would be the one to play a part in what could have possibly been the end of my marriage.

“I know I’ve already apologized to each of you, but I want to say how sorry I am again. What I put you guys through while I was processing everything wasn’t fair.” I look at my friends who sit by me on the couch, with Clay in the recliner.

Silas is out at the moment, walking Milo around the block. He had been a bit neglected in the beginning while we were trying to get past everything. And with the media lurking around, Sy didn’t feel secure enough to wander out on walks with our pup.

But now that things are slowly dying down and I’m back to a somewhat normal state, he’s taken up taking him on multiple walks a day and spoiling him rotten for being so compliant during our hard times.

“Sweetie, you don’t have to keep apologizing. You needed us and we were there, just like we all know you would do the same for us in a heartbeat.” Morgan places her hand on my right thigh with that motherly look in her eyes. She’ll make a great mother someday with how caring and calm she is.

“Still, you all missed out on work and used up all your free time to take care of me.” I turn to Aubrey sitting to my left.

“And you, you stopped going to your classes so that you could be here in the morning with me. You shouldn’t have had to do that.

I don’t want my personal life to affect your future.

” I take her hand in mine, feeling completely at fault.

“It’s okay, really. I wanted to help and offered. Ever since I moved here, you’ve done everything to make me feel a part of your circle. It was my way of paying you back for that.” She smiles and blushes. This girl can’t hide her emotions even if she tried. It’s adorable.

“Well, now you all make me seem like a bad friend for not being more involved,” Emma declares from her spot beside Brey, crossing her arms over her chest and pouting.

I shake my head at her attitude and smile. “Stop, you’ve been helping, too. Yeah, maybe you weren’t here as often. But you also took on all my extra projects at work, and that isn’t something small.”

She thinks it over, then unfolds her arms and plays with the ends of her hair. “That’s right, I did do a lot. Come to think of it, I would say I did much more than all of you.”

We all laugh at her comment, knowing full well she’s only half joking. When I look around and see my friends laughing and smiling, even Clay is shaking his head with a smirk, it makes me realize how much I missed this .

“Anyway, tell me what’s been going on with you guys this past month. I’ve had enough focus on me, I feel like I’ve missed out on stuff,” I say, looking at all their faces.

“Well, the new owners moved into the condo yesterday, and I’m finally seeing an end to unpacking. Although Tommy is losing his mind over the amount of clothes that I have and is talking about turning one of the guest rooms into a closet just for me,” Emma offers as news.

“Wait? You sold the condo and moved in with Tommy?” I watch her in disbelief. Emma frowns and looks at Morgan and Aubrey, then turns back to me.

“Umm, yeah. We moved in together after the holidays, and I had a buyer for the condo the next day... I told you this three weeks ago,” she says with caution, like I’m a wounded animal.

Wow... I guess I really was out of it. That makes me feel even more like a horrible friend.

I look down at my hands in my lap. “I’m sorry I’ve really been a shitty friend to all of you,” I tell them in a quiet voice.

Silas walks in the front door before anyone has time to answer. He removes his boots and coat, then tugs off Milo’s leash and wipes his paws with a towel we leave by the door. He then walks over to the back of the couch and passes his hand through my hair. “Hey.”

I gaze up at him with a small smile, still feeling bad for what I put people through as I was trying to make my way through the fog. “Hi.”

Instantly, his brows furrow, and he studies my face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, everything is fine. I promise.” I try to sound genuine.

I can tell he doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t push, either. Instead, he simply nods and tells me he’s going to take a shower and to find him if I need him.

“Okay, enough with the pity party. I want to know everything that happened while my mind was AWOL.”

~ One Month Later / March ~

Things have been getting better and better between me and Silas, I feel like we’re finally back to normal. Minus the sex, of course, but I think that may be coming around, too.

Every time Silas passes his hand along my back or cuddles me during the night in his sleep, I get these tingles everywhere. I’ve also found myself staring at his lips or watching him undress a lot lately.

Silas came home this afternoon from another away stretch, and I’m happy to have him back, I missed him during the week he was gone. I was also really anxious, which is something I hate admitting.

Every time he goes away, my mind goes back to that day, and I find myself staring at my phone all night, waiting for something to show up. I know it’s not healthy, but I can’t help it.

The girls all tell me it’s normal to have some trust issues still, and Silas has been doing everything possible to ease that worry. Like calling and texting me every chance he gets or heading to his room the minute he can leave the arena and FaceTiming me to show me.