Page 54

Chapter thirty-two

Cecilia

Magical croissants.

It’s been two days... two days of hell. Silas comes home today, and I don’t know how I feel about that. Right now, I feel nothing.

Everything has shut off since that phone call. Emma showed up yesterday and hasn’t left since. Morgan and Aubrey, either. They’re all missing work for me... because of me. So am I, but Em talked to Amanda, and she gave me the week off to sort through things. I don’t even know what to sort.

Everything’s a mess.

What am I supposed to do? Morg and Em offered for me to stay with them, but I don’t know if that’s what I want. Right now, I just want to be alone. I know they’re just trying to help, but nothing can truly help.

They’re all worried about me. They try to feed me, make me drink water, anything. But I don’t accept it, I don’t touch it, even if they leave it by my side. I’ve been sitting in the same spot for two days, I can’t move. I don’t want to move.

I sit in the little nook by the window, looking out at our backyard.

The backyard where we got married, where we promised to love each other forever…

to never hurt one another. The yard where we talked and laughed, where we made love under the stars.

.. now it just sits there, like me, void of any joy.

I haven’t cried since the call, either. I don’t want to cry anymore. I don’t want to feel anything.

I haven’t talked, that’s what scares them the most. They’re worried I’m shutting down. That I’m not coping and living the grief. I don’t want to live it, what good will it do? I’ll cry some more and feel the pain all over.

No, this is better.

Emma appears at my side, I see her from the corner of my eye, but I don’t look her way. I don’t acknowledge her. “Babe... you need to eat, this isn’t healthy,” she says softly while stroking my hair.

When I don’t answer, she sighs heavily and places a hand over mine. “We’re only trying to help, Cece. You don’t have to block us out like this. We’re here for you, don’t forget that. Okay?” She pats my hand, then stands and walks away.

Milo lifts his head from my lap and looks at me with a small whimper, then nudges my hand with his nose and lies back down.

In the distance, I hear doors slamming shut, then the beep of a car door locking. Another beep. They’re here. He’s here...

I see the girls stop whatever they were doing and turn to me, then look back at each other. Emma stands by the side door that leads to the garage, and Morgan goes to the front door where Clay is entering at that moment.

She rushes into his arms as he cradles her head and kisses her. Aubrey comes to my side and takes my hand. I don’t move. I don’t look, but my heart rate doubles in speed, and my body begins to tremble.

I’m not ready to see him... I’m not ready.

The side door finally opens, and the room’s energy instantly shifts. Silas drops his bag on the floor and takes a step in my direction. But Emma stops him, putting herself in his way.

From the angle I’m in, I can see them, but they probably think I’m staring off into space ahead of me. My mind is so lost and empty that it picks up on everything around me, even if I don’t stare directly at it.

“No. Leave her alone. You have some fucking nerve even showing up here,” Emma spits at him.

“This is my house,” he replies, seething through his teeth.

“Yeah! It is. And that right there”—she points back in my direction—“is your fucking wife. Yet, it didn’t stop you from sticking your dick in another woman,” she shouts in his face. “So if I want to stop you from coming into your own home to protect her, you bet your ass I will.”

Everything happens so quickly from there. Morgan leaves her husband’s arms and marches over to Silas before he has time to react. She pulls her hand back and smacks him hard across the face.

Emma’s eyes grow wide, and Clay’s jaw hangs open. Morgan gasps loudly and brings her hands to her mouth, like she can’t believe she did that. Then a small cry comes from her, and Clay takes her in his arms once more.

My husband’s eyes are red and watery, like he’s been crying for some time and is about to break down again. He doesn’t even touch his face where a red handprint is quickly forming, he just hangs his head in defeat.

“I know, okay? I know I fucked up. But I’m trying to fix this. It’s the only thing I can do. The only thing I want to do. So please, just let me see her...” he says mournfully.

Emma looks my way, then back at Silas before sighing and stepping aside, giving him room to come to me. It dawns on me now that Milo hasn’t gotten up to greet his dad, like he knows he’s responsible for my state and is sticking by my side.

“How is she doing?” Clay asks in a hushed voice to his wife and Em, completely ignoring Sy’s presence.

“Not good. She hasn’t eaten or drank anything. She hasn’t left that spot since, only got up twice to use the bathroom, and she won’t talk to any of us... I’m worried, Clay. She seems completely gone...” Morg whispers, emotions lacing her voice.

Silas stares at me from where he stands, looking completely crushed. He finally starts to move in my direction slowly, as if he’s afraid if he goes any faster, he might scare me off. As if I’m a broken animal, filled with fear...

He’s right, it’s how I feel in this moment.

When he gets close enough, Milo lifts his head and looks at him but doesn’t make any further attempt to see his owner. Aubrey squeezes my hand one last time, then lets go and stands, stepping away but not going far. She’s been so quiet, I forgot she was even there.

That’s how numb I am, I couldn’t even feel her holding my hand.

He takes a final step and reaches his hand out toward me, to take my now abandoned one. “Minnie...”

I flinch when his hand gets too close, pulling mine closer to me. I flinch at the name he always calls me. I flinch at his voice, the voice I love so much that it hurts to hear.

He withdraws his hand quickly like I’ve just burned him and takes a step back. I can see his soul shattering through his eyes, I can feel it. I hate that I’m doing this to him. I don’t want to hurt him, even after everything that’s happened.

But I’m not ready, he can’t touch me, not now... not yet. I thought I’d cried every last drop from my body, but somehow, a single tear slips out and rolls down my cheek as I turn my gaze to him.

“Fuck, baby... I’m... I’m so sorry...” His voice breaks and he collapses to his knees.

Everyone is quiet and watching us. There’s not much to see, only two people whose hearts have been ripped out brutally. Two people whose world broke apart in one night.

Clay walks over to me and kneels beside me. He brings his hand up to my face, wiping away the tear, then cradles my head into him. I don’t flinch at his touch, I welcome it. And I see the effect it has on Silas that I accept his friend’s touch, but not his .

I hate it...

“Hey, baby. How are you holding up?” he tries, but I don’t answer. “Do you want to come stay with us for a little while? We’ll get a room set up, and you can stay as long as you need,” he whispers into my hair, but by the way Silas’s eyes plead with me, I know he heard.

My gaze hasn’t strayed from his since I dared to look at him. I can’t look away, no matter how bad it hurts to see him.

Clay is still waiting for an answer, and I don’t know what to do.

Being here hurts... but Silas is still my husband, he’s still the man I love, and I believe him when he says he wants to fix this.

If I stay, I know it will be hard and painful.

But if I leave, it feels like giving up, like running from the problem.

Even if it seems like this feeling will never fade, that I may never be able to trust Silas again, I can’t just walk away. I need to try. I refuse to believe that what we had—what we have — isn’t real. I know it is. I still feel it deep within me.

I know Silas loves me. I’ve never doubted it for a second, even after what he did. Couples go through this often, and some make it out on the other side. And with the type of love Silas and I share, I know we can. I have to believe that we can.

It won’t be easy. I’ll need to make an effort. I can’t stay in this state forever... I’m just not ready yet. But maybe me staying will show Silas that I am willing to try, that even if it’s small, there is still hope.

I shake my head slowly against Clay’s chest, rubbing it from side to side, letting him know my decision. I see Silas’s shoulders relax a bit as he lets out the breath that he’d been holding in.

“Okay, but if at any point you change your mind, tell me. I mean it, C. Day, or night. You call me and I’ll be here in five minutes to pick you up.” He pulls my head away and takes my face between his two big hands, forcing my gaze to his.

He looks over my features, staring into my eyes.

“But I’m only letting you stay here under one condition.

You need to promise me you’ll eat. Every day.

And not just a cracker or a single grape.

It’s the only way I’ll allow it. If I find out you aren’t eating, I’ll come back and drag your ass out of here and force-feed you.

Do you understand?” he says with a stern expression, no room for negotiations.

I nod my head once, and that seems to be enough to convince him. He brings his lips to my forehead, then pulls back. “I’ll be back to check on you after tomorrow. Try to rest.”

He stands and turns to Silas, who’s still on his knees, pointing a finger in his face. “Make sure she fucking eats! And don’t stress her out. If she doesn’t want you touching her or talking to her, you don’t talk to her, and you certainly don’t fucking touch her!”

Silas squares his jaw, glaring at Clay, clearly unhappy with Clay telling him what he’s allowed and not allowed to do with his own wife, but eventually he nods. Clay runs his hand down my hair and offers me a small smile, then walks over to the girls.