Page 64

Chapter thirty-six

Cecilia

Sniff, sniff, sniff.

~ Three Weeks Later / Mid-April ~

It’s been six weeks since I left my home, six weeks without seeing Milo. Six weeks without my husband.

I wish I could say I’m doing better, but I’m not. I may not have had another meltdown since the car incident, but I’m still a mess. I try to put on a brave face around people, but it exhausts me more than anything.

I’ve been forcing myself to be more productive since I’m not working anymore and haven’t thought about what I’d like to do next. So I spend most of my days cleaning the house, which their housekeeper isn’t too happy about, claims I do it wrong.

I also make most of the meals for Morgan and Clay so that when they get home, everything is set. I also force myself to leave the house at least three times a week, where I go visit Emma and Aubrey.

Silas still texts and calls every day, not being persistent and begging, but simply telling me he misses me and loves me. Giving me little updates on him and Milo.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t look forward to his messages. I miss him so much, but I still don’t know if I can deal with his whole situation.

I also started looking for a place to rent. I’m grateful to Morgan and Clay for letting me stay with them, but I’m not their burden to take care of, and I know they miss their alone time. When Morgan found me looking at rentals on my laptop, she immediately shut that idea down and called Clay.

They don’t want me to leave, but they understand we all need our own space. So Clay is having the pool house remodeled and turning it into a one-bedroom apartment for me. I offered rent, but he just glowered at me until I took back my offer.

The Griffins made it to the playoffs as a wild card team, so today they’re celebrating at the Burkley’s house. I wasn’t too fond of the idea, but apparently Silas hasn’t been letting anyone in the house, and the only other option was Clay and Morgan’s home.

Even though Silas and Clay still aren’t talking, I know Silas will be here today. I’m sure he would rather be anywhere else, but as team captain he has to show leadership.

Normally, I would have left the house, found something to do while they have their fun, and then maybe snuck in later or spent the night elsewhere. But it turns out everyone is busy today.

Morgan is working with a client. Emma is having dinner with her boyfriend Tommy at her parent’s house, and Aubrey is having a study session with some classmates. So that leaves me stuck here because I’m not really in the mood to wander the streets by myself.

Clay tried to back out of the party when he found out I had nowhere to go, but I told him it was fine. That I’d just stay in my room and watch movies or read.

But now I’m getting hungry and thirsty. Actually, I’ve been hungry for the past two hours, but I’ve tried to hold it off. Now my stomach is just threatening to stab me if I don’t give it something yummy.

I decide to head downstairs and sneak into the kitchen to grab something. I can hear the team talking loudly and laughing, so I know the party is in full swing. They most likely won’t even notice I’m here.

Except when I make it to the kitchen, I don’t go unnoticed. The room dies down to soft murmurs, and I can feel all their eyes on my back. Fuck!

Greyson steps up beside me, lifting his arm to place his hand on my shoulder. I flinch before it even makes contact and glare while I tell him bitterly, “Don’t touch me, Grey.”

He lowers his head, hand coming down to his side but not giving up entirely. He never does. He still tries to apologize every other day, but I never answer his texts. “Cecilia... I just—”

I cut him off, no longer able to contain this anger, this rage bubbling inside of me.

“NO! I don’t want to hear a single word from any of you!

” I shout loudly, making the whole room go mute.

“And don’t you dare look at me like you feel sorry for me!

Because you are all to blame, every single one of you that was there that night is responsible for what happened!

Not just him!” I point in the direction of the backyard, knowing that’s where Silas is hiding out.

I tried to resist, but after thirty minutes, I found myself looking out the window and down at him from my room. He looked miserable… just like me…

My eyes grow misty while I continue my verbal assault. “You all saw it happen! You all watched him do it! And not one of you assholes tried to talk some sense into him. Not one of you tried to stop him.” The tears stream down my face, my vision blurring.

A silhouette appears by the sliding door, and I know it’s him. But I also know he won’t come inside. This is as painful for him as it is for me. A love like ours, when broken, never heals...

I turn back to all the faces looking down around the room. Not one of them dares to say I’m wrong. Because they all know they fucked up, it’s why they all look so guilty and feel the need to apologize.

They didn’t only let me down, but they let their captain down, too. He may be the one who always has their backs, but they should have had his that night.

“So please, just leave me alone. That’s all I’m asking. I don’t want to hear your excuses. I don’t want to hear how sorry you are. And I certainly don’t want to hear that you guys are here for me, because...” I chuckle sarcastically through my tears. “We all know that’s bullshit .”

Clay walks up to me at that moment and wraps one arm around me, the other going into my hair. The same way Silas used to hold me. I shake him off, needing an escape. “I’m sorry, I can’t be here right now. I... I need to...” I search for my words, unable to focus.

I feel lost. I am lost.

“I know, C. Go, it’s okay. I’ll check up on you later.” He takes my face with his hands and lays a kiss to my crown. I close my eyes momentarily, imagining someone else... someone I can feel staring at me.

When I open my eyes, they lock onto his. His greens seem dimmed, like life is draining from them... or love. I look up at Clay and give him the tiniest smile I can muster, then grab my purse and walk out. Leaving my heart on the ground.

From the moment I jump into my car and leave the house, I drive around aimlessly. I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing, and I can barely see through my watering eyes. I should probably stop on the side somewhere. I know it’s not smart to drive in this emotional state.

I find an open space along the sidewalk to park, then look at my surroundings. I’m in a more residential area, townhouses as far as the eye can see. I turn to look out my passenger side window and gasp.

I know where I am.

Somehow in my dazed state, my subconscious drove me to a familiar place. A place I’ve always felt welcome. Silas’s parents’ house.

Without thinking, I exit my SUV and walk around the car, up the stairs, and to the front door. Mira and John always insisted I simply walk in, that I’m family and there’s no need to knock. On autopilot, I twist the doorknob and walk in.

The minute I’ve closed the door, Mira appears from the kitchen and John down the hall. It then hits me what I’ve done. I shouldn’t be here. I’m not welcome here anymore, not with how things are between me and Silas.

“Oh, God. I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I’m here. I was driving, then I parked and saw your house, and I just came in. I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry. I’ll go.” My puffy eyes begin to tear up again while I speak.

“Oh, honey, come here. You have no reason to apologize. No matter what’s going on between you and my son, you’ll always be welcome here.

Why don’t we sit down and have some coffee?

Have you eaten? I could get out some crackers and cheese.

” Mira walks over to me and offers me a hug. One I greedily accept.

“No, I haven’t. But that would be nice, thank you.” I wipe my tears as Mira ushers me down to the living room.

John comes to my front and opens his arms wide, taking me into an embrace. “Hi, little one. We’ve missed you.”

“I know, I’m sorry I haven’t made a better effort at reaching out... it’s just been a lot since everything started.”

“We know, we understand, and we’re just glad you are here now. You two sit down and talk, I’ll get everything ready.” He gestures to me and his wife, then to the couch and walks away in the direction of the kitchen. We take our seats, and Mira clasps my hand between hers.

“How are you doing, honey? And don’t bother lying to me, I’ll know. You look like you’ve lost a little weight...” The comment isn’t said with malice, it’s simply an observation filled with worry.

“I’ve been better, but I’m still doing okay, I think.

I’ve been eating more and forcing myself out of the house.

It’s not easy, though. I had some freaky meltdowns in the first few weeks, but they seemed to have stopped.

” I take a deep breath as my voice turns to a quiet whisper.

“I just feel empty all the time... I miss him so much. But I don’t know how to deal with everything, and I hate myself for not being able to just accept it. ”

“I know you do, so does he. But you have every right to want some space from the whole situation. It’s a lot to take on, and if I were in your situation, I don’t think I’d be handling it as well.

” She brushes my hair behind my ear. “And for what it’s worth, Silas knows how upset I am with him.

I won’t punish my grandchild for how it was conceived.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t be mad at its father for how stupid and reckless he was. ”

She shakes her head with a sigh. “I was so excited to have grandchildren, but now with the circumstances, I feel guilty being happy about it. I really wish things were different and it was you...” Her comment makes me sob into my hands because I keep wishing the same.