Page 47 of Dirty Hearts

I was going to ask her to marry me. That was where I’d start and take it from there. I wasn’t Luc or Henry. They had their heads screwed on the right way.

All I knew was kill or be killed, but I’d change things up for her.

No, I wasn’t about to become some schmuck and hand in my pass to the life I lived now, but there were ways of doing things.

Well, I didn’t have to think about that now.

The door opened, and I readied my gun.

Who the fuck could be coming in here at this time?I came here to be alone.

Raphael wasn’t known to come back here, and his men wouldn’t either.

I shared this office with Luc and Henry. As far as I knew, both were with their women.

Henry popped his head in and grimaced when he saw me.

“Jesus, I was hoping I’d be wrong.” Henry smirked.

“What the fuck do you want?” I snapped at him.

“Checking you’re okay,” Henry said in that good-natured way that irritated the shit out of me.

The fucking prick was a mobster just like me, but he managed to do everything. He managed to be one of the good guys, had a beautiful wife who loved him like he was her heartbeat, and they had kids.

How foolish of me. I was trying to be like him. I was trying my hand at trying to be like him. I was an idiot to think it would work.

“Get out,” I barked.

Instead of going through the door, he came in and pulled up a chair.

“Luc’s looking for you.”

“I don’t want to speak to anyone. You guys can just fuck right off.”

Henry knew what had happened. God damn, it was he who went with me to pick the fucking ring. He said the princess cut diamond was Ava to the T. The ring looked like I had it made for her, which was exactly what I wanted to do. But then we saw the ring.

It was sitting there gleaming, glistening, sparkling. Calling to me. Telling me I should give it to my girl. My Angel Doll.

“Claudius, you have to get yourself together. You can’t just sink into this person you’ve become.”

“Henry, my girl just left me. She went to Paris believing I didn’t love her.”

“I don’t get why you didn’t just tell her.Fuck,man, why don’t you just call her now and tell her, or get on a damn plane and go see her?”

All good ideas I’d already contemplated. But I couldn’t do it. “I can’t.”

“Why the hell not?” He shook his dark head and widened his large brown eyes. He was a man of logical. He was good with that shit. He could move from A to B easy because it seemed like the natural way to go, while it looked like the rest of us skipped over the path and tried to make our way back to what made sense from the beginning.

“I didn’t tell her because she wouldn’t have gone, and if I get there… I don’t know… I don’t want to mess things up. I’ll mess things up, Henry. She’s better off without me. I would have stopped her from going. That’s selfish. That’s fucked up.”

His shoulders slumped, and he stood. “I can’t tell you what to do. I’ll tell you this though. It’s better for her to know you love her than not. What’s fucked up is you not doing anything.”

I started laughing. The booze was getting to me.

“It’s all wonderful, all good and well for you to say that, St. Henry. You hypocrite. I’d bet if you were single, you wouldn’t say that shit to me. You’d tell me to grab a few whores and forget Ava. That’s what you’d say.” I took a big gulp of the vodka, and it seared my throat.

“You know what, Claudius? I most probably would tell you that. Maybe that’s the advice you’d also get from Luc. But I’m not single. I’m married, and my wife’s an angel to me, just like your girl is to you. It’s not about what I’d say if things were different; it’s what I’m saying now. And I know I’m right.”