Page 107 of Dirty Hearts

“What did they say at the group?”

“They said me waking up at this time is something similar to the effects you experience with a phantom pregnancy. Jack, um… he used to, um… be more active at this time. I think if he were here, this would be the time when he wakes up. So, my mind programmed itself to get up at this hour.”

My heart was breaking all over again, but I held in my pain. “So, we would be up at this time?”

“Maybe. He’d be on solids now, so maybe he would have slept through the night and I wouldn’t be nursing as much. Maybe.”

He would have been nearly eight months old. “If he woke up at this time, I’d let you sleep. I’d take him downstairs, and we could watch kids TV.”

She gave my hand a gentle squeeze. Looked like talking like this was helping, although it was morbid. It was morbid and probably the worst thing but seemed to help.

“I think he would have lovedBarney, orSesame Street,” she offered up.

“Nah, those are for whimps. I planned to get him hooked onBiker Mice from Mars.”

My spirits lifted when she started to laugh. “Claudius,Biker Mice from Mars? That show is so old.”

“It’s fine. He would have loved it. He would have loved the trike I was going to get him for his birthday even more. Most parents get their kids cars for their sixteenth. I was going to get him a Harley.” I wiped away a tear that ran down her cheek.

“You planned that far ahead? Sixteen?”

“Of course. I planned to grow a beard too and get a red bandana to tie my hair back and look way scary in front of his friends.”

She gripped on to my shirt and started crying. “Will you come with me tomorrow? To the group,” she spoke through her tears.

Tomorrow…

Joe wanted me to be at the site tomorrow, all day. This plan was going down next week.

Today had been weird, and if I were myself, I would question the whole ordeal a little more. There was a guy there who made my skin crawl.

We’d met for meetings for this project a few times over the last few months, but I’d never seen this guy before.

Joe introduced him as Goliath. He introduced him to me and the two other guys who were in charge of various parts of this secret project.

The grunts who worked under us did not meet him.

The minute I met the guy, I didn’t like him.

Tall like the biblical giant with muscle like a military man. He looked like a mercenary, with his head shaved except for the mohawk going down the center. Looked like a fucking sav. Goliath had eyed me up like he wanted a challenge. Probably because I was the only guy of the three who looked like I could take him.

Tomorrow, I was supposed to get the finalized plans and go over them with my team.

“What time is the group, Doll?”

“Twelve.”

Good. Well, I’d go with Marissa and either be late for Joe tomorrow or not turn up.

He was the one who wanted me. If I was late or not there, he’d have to deal with it.

She needed me.

“I’ll be there.”

“Will you?” She lifted her head and dried her tears.

I cupped her face and pressed my forehead to hers. “I will be there, and we’ll go to whatever we need to, whatever helps us get through this time.”