Page 132 of Dirty Hearts

I’d always been a part of the crew.

Epilogue

Ava

* * *

Ten months later …

It was the first time since Marissa’s funeral that Claudius and I had stood at her grave together.

Normally, I’d visit her grave at least once a month. In the past I aimed for more than that. Sometimes it was painful because I couldn’t believe she was gone. Other times were me honoring her. I’d bring flowers of different colors. Something symbolic for what she’d wear at that time of year. Flowers and a card.

Since the day Claudius told me the truth I found it hard to visit and I hadn’t been since that day.

Now I stood here with him, I felt bad that I hadn’t been, but him being here offered something that steadied my soul and I felt that thing I’d wanted for the last ten months.

A release.

A release from the hurt I felt knowing how Marissa betrayed me.

It was because of him.

I hadn’t come all these months because I thought it would be disrespectful to come here bearing such angst for the dead. It couldn’t be good. Not especially with the way she died.

We met Ma and Pa like usual. They came back from Italy two days ago for this. This time they left Claudius and me alone.

All the time we stood here with them I battled with that inner turmoil. It made me want to be the way I used to be when I came here, but part of me hung on to what she did to me.

However, it wasn’t until my parents left that I felt that release.

Claudius, knelt down and placed a white rose on her grave. Then he stayed there for a few minutes just looking.

She may have done a lot to me, but it was him that she wronged the most. She pretended to be me, and seduced him to sleep with her and got pregnant.

Claudius presented this ruthless person to the world. Everyone knew who he was, but there was another side of him that showed the greatest compassion.

He’d stayed with her even when he didn’t need to.

He forgave her. He forgave her… so I could too.

He stood up and looked at me.

“I should leave you two to talk,” he began. “It’s not the same if I’m here. It never was. She’d want to talk to you alone.”

A tear ran down my cheek. He reached out, caught it and placed a kiss on my forehead before leaving me.

I watched him walk down the path until he turned to go through the grove of trees and I couldn’t see him anymore.

That was when I returned my focus to the grave and the lightness from the release filled me.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been by. We had our differences when you were alive, but we always talked to each other when we were upset. Marissa. I can’t lie, you really hurt me. What you did really hurt me. It’s hard to be upset with you because it’s not fair. What happened to you was so much worse than my feelings. I was hurt deeply, and I’m still hurt, but I love you too much to stay mad at you forever. So I forgive you. I forgive you. I’ll see you next week.”

I set down my lilies and blew a kiss to her.

That was all I had to say today. Next week when I came back I promised myself I’d be in a different mood.

Walking back to the car I saw Claudius and my heart lifted. He was my future. Finally and I couldn’t wait to be his. Our wedding was just six months away.