Page 14 of Dirty Hearts

Does feeling him like he’s watching me count?

Claudius Morientz. Just thinking his name sent a jolt to my heart. I didn’t know how it could be that a man who I’d shared so much with was no longer part of my life.

He hadn’t truly been part of my life since that horrible day seven years ago when Marissa was killed.

Four years ago, when I last saw him was…

Well, I couldn’t explain it other than to say that it was like I’d found a version of him and lost him all over again. Worse than before. It was the day I’d stopped feeling what was left of my heart.

I hadn’t been the same since.

“I didn’t see him, but it felt like he was there. Somewhere.” It was a whole week ago, but that confliction hadn’t left me.

Every year it was a little different. That feeling I got when he was nearby was different. This time had been intense, but it was crazy. Maybe it was just my imagination or me wishing he was there. Not seeing him was for the best.

Better if I didn’t see him, maybe not ever again.

“Maybe he wasn’t there,” Kelly offered, her voice soft and cautious.

I nodded. “Yeah. Maybe I just want closure.”

“Maybe you should go see him and get it.”

Sure, because that would be the most sensible thing to do. I just wanted to avoid him as much as he wanted to avoid me. Besides, Claudius wasn’t any old guy.

He was the don of the Chicago mafia.

Jesus…

Ten years ago, when I’d first met him and his brother right here in this restaurant, I knew the man was trouble. He was the kind of guy you just knew to stay away from. But he’d worked his charm on me and charmed me out of my sense and dignity.

He’d made me love’s fool and cast me aside because my sister was a better fit than me. All that happened, and I’d never learned my lesson.

“I can’t do that.” I shook my head.

“Why?”

“Do you seriously expect me just to go to his office? And say what?”

“Just go see him. Air out the shit from the cupboard and move on or…”

“Or what?” I frowned at her.

“You know, Ava, you’ve been jonesing for this guy for as long as I’ve known you. You know he’s not exactly my favorite person. The situation with him and Marissa is the stuff theNational Enquirerwould love to get their hands on. But a part of you likes him.Still.”

“No. I’m good. Let’s drop this. We’re just talking about crap that doesn’t need to be discussed. We have a lot to do. These recipes aren’t even close to being ready, and I’m still waiting to hear about the property.”

My one-year anniversary of owning the restaurant was a month away. I wanted a whole new menu designed for that week, and I wanted to announce the plans I had to take the business to the next level. Another branch here in Chicago, and then I’d set out to opening a chain in all the major cities, starting with New York, then on to LA.

I had big dreams. Dreams that took up all of my time. Time I wouldn’t waste thinking about a man who’d never wanted me.

Kelly released a slow sigh then frowned. “Fine… let’s talk shop. Malaguetas and basil are a good idea. However, I don’t think you should use the habanero chilis in the Bolognese. It’s too hot. You’ll spoil the flavor.”

“What about scorpion chilis? I want it to have that fiery kick.”

“That could work. Just a dash though.”

“It’ll need a tad more than a dash for the recipe I want.” I wanted hot with flavor. Good, my mind had already started thinking about the ingredients I’d written down to try out the recipe.