Page 106 of Dirty Hearts

I’d blurred the lines of the past and decided to move forward.

I crouched down in front of her and tilted my head to the side. “Marissa, if you want me to get you that ice cream you like, just say so. Pretty certain there’s a place open at this hour. If not, I’ll steal it.”

She looked surprised by my answer. The other day, I’d put a spin on her words too, and it worked. She’d said something similar about me leaving.

“What?”

“You said leave soon. The only thing I could be leaving at this hour to get is ice cream.” She’d loved ice cream when she was pregnant with Jack.

Jack. That was what we named him. She liked the name. I did too.

In her second trimester she’d get through a few tubs of Ben and Jerry’s a week and I was proud to say I was the kind of guy who left the house at two a.m. to get it for her when she’d craved it.

She just stared at me, and I felt an ounce of triumph when the hint of a smile tipped the corners of her mouth. She only smiled when she was with Ava. Not for me or anyone else. Sometimes she barely looked at me, and when she did, it was with some element of embarrassment. Like she thought I pitied her.

“You’re a really good guy. You know that?”

“God, don’t let anyone hear you say that, Doll. They’ll think Claudius Morientz went soft,” I sneered, and she actually smiled, but the smile was gone just as quickly as it had appeared.

I stood and sat behind her, settling myself so she could sit between my legs and rest her head on my chest. This was us being intimate. It was all I could do. All I could offer.

Crazy, definitely. We seemed more like roommates, rather than husband and wife.

What man had a marriage without sex? Me, that’s who.

But… I couldn’t. Not yet, and she knew it. She knew I couldn’t get past the one and only night I’d slept with her after she fooled me into thinking she was Ava. I tried but, the memory wouldn’t leave me and it wasn’t exactly the kind that was easy to forget.

We’d been together for close to sixteen months. One year and four months. Married for ten of those months and this was us, sitting like this with me holding her.

Maybe one day it would change.

“I went to a support group today… for women like me.”

She’d never told me she had any kind of plans like that.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Doll? I would have gone with you.”

“You were busy, and I didn’t want you to do any more than you’re already doing for me.”

“You make it sound like I’m doing all kinds of things for you. But I’m just here.” I chuckled.

“Exactly, you’re here for me.”

“Marissa, you know I’m the rebel in my family, right?”

She glanced up at me. “I’m going to say yes.”

“Good. So, you know I never do anything I don’t want to do. No one tells me what to do, and I’m the fucking boss of me.”

“Yeah… that sounds like you.”

“Good. Then you know I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. So, don’t shut me out or think I wouldn’t go with you to a support group.” I meant that. I truly meant that, and I hoped she knew it.

She looked back at me with appreciation.

“Capisce?”

“Capisce.”