Page 108 of Dirty Hearts

She pulled back, out of my hands, and looked at me but then her gaze dropped to the rose and she stared at it for a while.

“You shouldn’t have to do this.” She shook her head.

“Do what?”

“I’d love for you to come with me to the group. It would be nice to have you there, but everything else is… Claudius you don’t have to stay with me. You shouldn’t. We can’t live like this. You can’t.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’m here.”

“As long as you’re here, you’re stuck in the past and there’s no need for it. I’m not pregnant anymore. You should just… go be with Ava. Tell her what happened. Tell her everything. I’m too weak to do it. It doesn’t matter anymore if she hates me. I have nothing left to lose.”

I held her gaze, unable to stop myself from feeling worse for her.

Go be with Ava…

The time for that had passed. It was in the past and I’d be an absolute son of a bitch if I really was to take up that offer.

“No. I’m not going anywhere.”

Something sparked in the depths of her eyes.

“I won’t get better Claudius. I…can’t get over losing Jack. I don’t know how I could. Every time he moved inside me I loved him, I loved him every day, every minute of every day. Every second. Now he’s gone. I can’t move past that and it’s not fair for you to live in this place of misery of me when you be happy.”

“Marissa, I feel the same. I may not show it the way you do, but I can’t get over losing him either. I won’t leave you in misery. I’m going to be here.” I took the rose from her and placed it in her hair. Her expression softened when I did that. “We’ll get through it together, and… find happiness together.”

She dried her tears and that smile came back. It was small, barely there, but it lasted longer than last time. “Do you think we could?”

I nodded because I didn’t fail at anything. The other thing I knew was… she loved me. I knew that. She loved me and she was broken. I couldn’t abandon her, and I could continue to try.

“Next year this time, when we look back, I want us to be a different couple.”

“Next year.” She said that like she wished for it. “Do you think we could be? Next year with you feels like a dream my heart wants.”

“Yes. We’ll have it,” I promised.

The spark was in her eyes again, and there in this connection we’d formed.

As I leaned forward to press my lips to hers it felt real. The emotion and feeling that propelled me to do it felt real. It was the first time I’d felt that. With her.

* * *

Present day…

We never got next year.Shenever got next year.

A week later, she was killed.

I played that memory over and over again in my mind as I rode to Luc’s.

It was late, midnight late, but I knew he wouldn’t mind.

After Dante, Gio, and I left Four Peaks Quarry, I’d gone to the old house.

The house Marissa and I had lived in. I’d kept it and leased it to a family who were still living there. It had been around six years now that they’d lived there.

They seemed to be gone for the day. I sat in the park opposite the house and just stared at it. That was my attempt to cool off.

That was when the memory came flooding back in my mind. The memory of the first time I’d truly bonded with Marissa. It felt like I did, like something changed in my mind and my heart. Something that fueled me to try to make my marriage work.