Page 33

I park my bike outside St. Mary's, steadily taking the steps up to the entrance and wondering if I’ll burst into flames.

The building is beautiful, one of the oldest in the city, or at least that’s what Corey told me.

Just a few weeks ago, we helped fix the place up with a new kitchen so they could run a soup kitchen out of it.

The door creaks when I push it open, and thankfully, when I look inside, there ain’t no one here. Stepping through the door, I take a few steps up the aisle and slip into a pew, resting on my ass and wondering what I do now.

I can’t take back what I did, even if I could, I wouldn't want to. I was wrong about me and Millie. We do fit, we feel right together. Now I just have to find a way of coping with the guilt.

“Dev, isn’t it?” I look up when I hear a voice, and see the cheery woman who was in charge of the kitchen project smiling at me. “It’s good to see you came back.”

“Oh, I ain’t, um…I don’t belong here.” I laugh, getting back on my feet.

“Sit back down, son.” She stands at the end of the pew with her arms crossed.

“Something brought you through those doors today. I can’t promise you much, but I can assure you that this is a place where you’ll always belong.

You don’t have to be a member…” She looks at the patch on the chest of my cut wisely.

“... or a regular visitor; the Big Man always got a seat for someone who's in need.”

“I don't know why I came here, it’s stupid.” I pinch the bridge of my nose to try and hold in my emotions. I don’t deserve all the happiness I’m feelin’ right now, not when I think about the price that’s come with it.

“It may feel that way, but sometimes that's how He works.”

“You sayin’ God is stupid?” I look up at her and smile cleverly.

“He’s a man, ain’t He? He’s bound to cause us some confusion.” I huff a laugh at her and shake my head.

“I guess I came here because I feel like I need to explain myself to someone. I was hoping that my brother could hear me.” I laugh at how pathetic I must sound.

“He died a month ago, and I’m not much of a believer, but I’ve kinda been holdin’ on to the hope that there's a Heaven ever since,” I admit.

“I see.” The woman nods her head knowingly as she sits beside me.

“I really need to explain something to him. Something I’ve done. I need him to understand me, and I need him to forgive me.”

“You know, you didn’t have to come here to do that; you can talk to your brother anytime you want.” She sits beside me and places her hand over mine. “What I believe is that those we love never leave us.”

“I just need him to understand. I need him to know that I’m sorry for everything.” My voice weakens as my tears break through.

“Look, honey, I don’t know what you did, and I never met your brother, but the fact you came here, looking for that forgiveness, proves how much he meant to you. If it were you who had left this world and the people you loved behind, what would you want for them?” she asks.

“I’d want them to be safe and happy.” I think of all the things that I wanted for him. And what I want for her.

“Do you think your brother would want the same for you?”

“You don’t understand. I’m taking the most important thing he ever had for myself. I’m betraying him in the worst possible way, and I can’t stop because I think I’m in love with her,” I admit to this woman I barely know, what I can’t even admit to myself.

“And do you make her happy?” she questions.

“Up to now, I’ve made her nothing but sad, but I’m starting to believe that I could.

Hell, I wanna,” I confess, looking at her apologetically when I realize what I just said.

I keep thinking back to how things were when I woke up with her beside me, knowing she was mine, made all that pain and anger inside of me go silent.

“And can you keep her safe?”

“That’s the one thing I can guarantee. I’d die before I let anyone hurt her.” I don’t know how serious this woman thinks I am, but I mean every word I say.

“Then why is this a betrayal? Maybe you're looking at it all wrong.”

“She was his before she was mine.” I shake my head.

“And he’s not here anymore, despite how hard that is to accept.

This life has to move on without him. You have to move on, but that doesn't mean you leave him behind. Take him with you. Love her the way he’d want her to be loved.

Let yourself be happy and don’t feel guilty for it.

” She squeezes my hand. “Love is a gift, the greatest one He gives.” She looks up to the altar and smiles.

“I’ll leave you alone now. I’ll be in the new shiny kitchen if you need me.

” She slowly stands up and winks at me before she moves on.

“What’s your name? I’m sorry, I forgot,” I call after her, feeling a little embarrassed. She was so grateful to the club for what we did here, and treated us all so kindly. I should have remembered it.

“Detra, darling, and I’m here for you anytime you need it. Just like he is.” She raises her warm, brown eyes to the ceiling before disappearing through the door to the kitchen.

I sit and think for a while about what she said, and although it feels kinda stupid, I decide to take her advice and get everything I came to say off my chest.

“You know I’mma take care of her, right?

” I keep my voice low, as I pretend that he’s sitting next to me and can hear.

“I tried to do the right thing, I tried to warn her away, but you know how she is. You always told me it was one of the things you loved most about her.” I laugh to myself.

“See, I was listening. I always listened to the things you said.”

I slide my palms over my jeans to wipe the sweat off them and take a breath.

“I don’t wanna hurt her, Corey, and I swear to you my only intention is to make her happy.

I was so sure for so long that I’d never be able to do that for a person, not even for you, but she makes me believe that somehow I can.

And more than anything. I want to.” I look up at the ceiling through my tears.

“You gotta trust me on this one, bro, I’ve ignored my gut for too long.

I’m listening to it now and I’m hoping you can forgive me for what I’m gonna do.

” I use the back of my hands to wipe away my tears as I stand up and make my way to the door, and as I open it, a gust of wind pulls through, wrapping around me, but instead of giving me a chill, it’s warm.

I look back over my shoulder and see Detra standing at the altar with a coffee in her hand and a smile on her face. I nod my head at her to let her know that I understand, before heading back down the steps and getting on my bike.

I’m glad I made that visit to St. Mary’s as I park up my bike and head inside the clubhouse. A lot of what Detra said made sense, and although I know I’m always gonna carry some guilt with me, I feel like I got a little clarity today.

I step through the doors and see that everyone here is gathered around the girls’ table, and when I finally manage to look over everyone's head, I’m surprised to see that my girl is here, crying.

“Move.” I shove Sasquatch, then Rocco, out the way so I can get to her, and when I kneel on the floor beside her and take her hand, she smiles like she’s pleased to see me.

“What happened? What are you doing here?” I ask. I was supposed to be picking her up; I made that point very clear.

“Really, Dev, you can see the girl’s upset.

” Peyton’s voice comes from the small crowd around us, and when she moves to the front and sees that I’m holding Millie’s hand, she suddenly comes to a halt and her mouth drops open.

That’s when I realize that everyone’s wearing that same stunned look on their faces.

“Somethin’ wrong with you all?” I ask before getting back to what’s important. “Tell me who made you cry?” I grip her hand a little tighter, checking her over to see if she’s injured.

“I got home, and my parents had packed all my stuff. Dad has booked me a flight for this afternoon,” Millie tells me, bursting into more tears as Lettie passes her a tissue. “I’m not going, Dev,” she snuffles as she looks back up at me.

“The hell you are, you're staying right here,” I assure her, sliding my hand behind her head and pulling her closer so I can kiss her forehead. “You're going nowhere. Okay?” I reassure her.

“Okay.” She nods, smiling up at me tearfully.

“What the fuck is everyone staring at?” I ask when I realize everyone is still standing around, gawking at us.

“It’s just…you. This is…You were so mean,” Eden speaks up, looking as confused as the rest of ’em while Wrath wraps his arm around her and grins at me like he’s looking forward to my answer.

“Yeah, well, Millie’s my old lady now.” I stand up and face them all, waiting to be judged, and Ruckus spits the mouthful of beer he just knocked back across the room.

“Thank Christ for that.” Polly rolls her eyes and gets back to work, while the club members who are present all look at each other in shock.

“Fucking typical!” Trinity rolls her eyes and slams the door on her way out, and I don’t miss the smile Peyton and Alicia make at each other. I get a few pats on the back from my brothers, but I’m too fixated on the smile Millie’s giving me to notice much else.

“You really meant it.” She looks as if she’s never seen a troubled day in her life as she beams back at me.

“I meant it,” I assure her, moving in for another kiss to prove it.

I’ve never had an old lady before. I’ve never shown interest in a female for more than five minutes, and everyone here knows that Millie was Corey’s girlfriend. I was expecting more judgment, but I shoulda known better.

“You never told me that on the way here,” Alicia scolds Millie when I’m finished. “Welcome to the Girl Squad.” She snatches her away from me to hug her tight, and looks up at me warningly.

“Does this mean you're gonna stop being an asshole now?” Alicia questions.

“Don’t push it, I think it’s gonna make me even more of one.” I take my girl's waist and drag her back on my lips, letting the whole club see that she’s mine now. Hands bang on tables, they whoop and cheer, and while our lips hold together, Millie’s tears turn into happy ones.

“I think they might be happy for us.” She looks up at me.

“Welcome to the club, Millie Dawson. Remember that you asked for this.” I grin back at her. Surprised at how relieved I feel. Staying away from her and denying myself wasn’t easy. At least I don’t have to do that anymore.

“It’s great that everyone's so supportive, but it doesn’t change the situation with my parents,” she sighs when reality drags her back down to earth again. “I know if I go home, they’re going to make me leave and I–”

“You're not going home,” I tell her sternly.

“But I have to, I’ve got nowhere else to go.”

“You can come home with me.” I shrug, knowing that it’s a little forward and will probably scare her, but it’s the perfect solution.

“Come home with you?” She repeats my words back to me.

“I sure ain’t gonna let you stay anywhere else.” I let her know I mean that by frowning at her.

“Dev, yesterday you couldn’t stand the sight of me; you didn’t even want me here, let alone living in your house.”

“Yeah, well, yesterday was different. I’ve crossed the line and there's no going back. All or nothin’, remember?” I kiss her in case she’s forgotten.

“What happened to you?” She pushes me back and laughs like she can’t believe this is real.

“Let’s just say I’m takin’ a different approach to life from now on.

And for the record, there was never a time when I couldn’t stand the sight of you.

This…” I press myself tight against her so she feels my hard dick against her stomach, “is what the sight of you always caused, and now you know from experience that it ain’t an easy thing to hide. ” I raise an eyebrow at her.

“Is it really okay for me to stay with you?” I can see from the way her eyes are sparkling that she likes the idea.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, baby girl.” I kiss her again, because after all the time I’ve spent holding back, I can’t get enough of it.