Page 18

I wake up to the rise and fall of his big, heavy chest, and when I look up and see him fast asleep, I watch him for a while. Dev’s no Prince Charming, he has a tattoo on his handsome face, and looks scary even when he’s sleeping, but it feels good to be wrapped up in these huge, muscular arms.

I reach up and stroke my fingers across his bristly jaw, and when he suddenly opens his eyes, he snatches at my wrist like it’s an automatic defense.

“We really need to stop waking up like this,” I tease him, and when he sees the position we’re in, he quickly leaps off the bed like it just caught fire.

“Yeah, well, someone had to make sure you didn’t choke on your own vomit,” he snaps back, clearing his throat, then storming into the bathroom and slamming the door.

I slowly sit up, massaging the throb in my temples as I take a look around me and start recalling everything that happened last night. I drank… a lot . I watched him getting his cock sucked by that woman. I asked him to… oh fuck !

I sit on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to come back out of the bathroom. I have no idea what I’m gonna say to him, and when he eventually opens the door and my stomach flips, I’m not sure if it’s nerves or last night's alcohol consumption.

“I’m sorry.” I swallow my pride and apologize straight off the bat. It was hugely inappropriate of me to ask him to kiss me on the day of his brother’s funeral. It was inappropriate of me to ask at all. How could I have been so disrespectful to Corey?

Dev says nothing, just continues to stare at me with that harsh look that I can never read.

“I should call a cab and go home.” I smile awkwardly, looking around and trying to locate my phone.

“This is the final warning I’m gonna give ya.” Dev steps closer, picking my phone up from the side table and offering it to me. “I don’t wanna see you again .”

I take hold of my phone, but he keeps a firm grip on it, almost as if he doesn’t want to let go.

“I don’t think that’s true.” I look up at him accusingly, knowing that my words are gonna frustrate him. I don’t know where my courage has come from, but all of a sudden, I’m reminded why kissing him last night felt so important.

I need clarity. I need to know that I didn’t break Corey’s heart for nothing and that my feelings toward Dev are real.

I hear the growl that comes from deep in his chest.

“Believe what you want, kiddo, but that’s the way it’s gonna be. Come on, I’ll take ya home.” He heads for the door, while I slide back into my sneakers, then follow after him like a delinquent child.

The sun is bright and already scorching when we step outside onto the balcony, and I notice the woman who had her lips wrapped around his cock last night down in the yard talking with a bunch of other girls.

Each one of them throws me a filthy look, which I ignore as I follow Dev down the stairs and into the parking lot.

“Are we taking the bike?” I ask after looking down at my phone and seeing the eighteen missed calls I have from Mom. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to ride the back of a motorcycle, clinging on tight to that solid body of his.

“Absolutely not!” Dev’s harsh tone knocks me out of my daydream as he opens the passenger door of one of the three black vans that are parked up in a row facing the gates.

A guy, even bigger than Dev, rides through them and parks up beside the row of bikes lined up beside the arch. He nods his head at him as he climbs off his saddle, and once I’m settled in the passenger seat, Dev slams the door shut and heads across the yard to talk to him.

I sit waiting until they finish their conversation, and when Dev jumps into the driver's seat, I remain silent as he pulls out of the gates.

That silence becomes even more deafening as we get closer to home. I know that if I don’t say something now, I’m gonna regret it later when I’m alone. I just don’t know what it is I want to say.

“I’m lonely.” The words blurt out pitifully as he pulls the van to a stop outside the gates to my house.

“I don’t feel like anyone understands me.

I know I broke up with him, but Corey was my best friend.

Now he’s gone, I’m…I just feel so alone.

Last night with the girls, I…it felt nice.

” I bite my lip to stop myself from rambling.

“You're young, I’m sure you’ll make plenty of new friends,” Dev assures me, resting his huge forearms over the top of the wheel and staring out of the windshield.

“You know, Corey would hate you blaming yourself for what happened. He loved you so much.”

“Yeah, and he loved you, too. So heed my warnin’ and stay the fuck away from me and the club.” My breath catches in my throat as he leans across me, and when he pops the door handle to open it, I sigh disappointedly as I slide out the seat.

“Goodbye, Dev.” I smile at him sadly, and he barely gives me a chance to close the door before he screeches off.

I turn around, looking at the gates and preparing to face the music.

My parents are gonna be furious that I’ve been out all night without telling them where I was…

again. A lecture is the last thing I need right now, but I know for a fact I've got one coming. I step up to the intercom to press the button, and when the gates start to open, I look up at the CCTV camera on top of the pillar and smile, knowing that I’m already being watched.

I make my journey up the driveway as slowly as possible, giving me time to prepare, and when I reach the door, Greg opens it for me, lowering his head and trying his best not to make eye contact.

“On a scale from one to ten, how mad are they?” I ask, mentally preparing myself.

“Your father's a solid nine, your mom… off the charts ,” he whispers me a warning, stepping aside so I can enter.

Both my parents are standing beside my dad's office door, and I can tell by the look on their faces that they’re holding back.

“Hi.” I smile at them both sheepishly, knowing how worried they would have been about me. I may have snuck out before, but never for the entire night. Corey’s death is turning me into a person I don’t even recognize.

“Hi…HI?!” Mom loses her cool. “You can’t just stroll in through the door with a ‘hi’, young lady. Me and your father have been up all night, worried sick.”

“Julie.” Dad takes her hand and tries to calm her down.

“No, Frank, I’m not tiptoeing around the issue anymore.

She needs to understand what damage she’s doing.

” Mom pulls her hand free. “We accepted your relationship with that boy because he couldn’t help where he came from.

He had a bright future, he studied hard, and he was a good influence on you.

What we will not accept is you sneaking out of the house to hang around with those brutish outlaws.

Then to have them drop you off like some cheap whore for all the neighbors to see–” She grabs hold of the banister to steady herself.

“Julie.” Dad intervenes, moving closer to place his hands on her shoulders, but once again, she shrugs him off.

“Do you know how hard your father has had to work to get us where we are, what we’ve had to sacrifice?

I’m not going to let you ruin all that.” Her face is so close to mine, I can smell the alcohol on her breath, and I stare back at her, judgingly.

Mom acts like she’s so perfect, when really, behind all the makeup and the fake smiles, she’s a mess.

“You don’t like the way I’m acting right now, fine. I’ll leave.”

“Sweetheart, there's no need for that. Come on, let's all sit down and talk about this,” Father suggests as I start heading up the stairs.

“You’re not going anywhere. I forbid it!” Mom yells, chasing after me and yanking me by my hair. I spin around and automatically slap her face, causing us both to stare at each other in shock.

“ Frank? ” Mom turns her attention to Dad as she touches her hand to the cheek I just slapped.

“Go to your room, sweetheart. We’ll discuss this later.” Dad looks at me, and I quickly scurry away.

“Are you seriously going to let her get away with that?!” I hear Mom scream at him. “You need to take some fucking control, Frank, this situation is getting out of hand.”

I slam my door once I get to my room, gripping the collar of the dress I’m wearing and inhaling the scent that still lingers on the fabric. It’s a reminder that, despite what Dev tells me and himself, he likes us being close just as much as I do.

Dad wakes me up a few hours later, and when I see him sitting on the edge of my bed with a concerned look on his face, I know I’m about to get that lecture I avoided earlier.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him before he can start. “I know you must have been worried, but I also know that you’d never have let me go if I told you the truth.” I sit up and smile when he hands me a mug of hot chocolate.

“Hot chocolate used to be the cure for everything when you were younger.” He laughs sadly.

“I don’t know how to cure this one for you, sweetheart.

” He looks worn out, and I know it’s not just me who's the cause of it. Dad’s campaign to be senator has only just started, and I know he’s already sick of it.

“This is such a lot for you to have to go through at your age. I understand why you're acting up. And I’m not worried about the campaign…I’m worried about you. ”

“Daddy, I’m not acting up. I’m not trying to make you worry. I just want to be around the people who understand me. You and Mom may not think very highly of the club, but there are good people there.”

“I know, I’ve seen that over the past couple of months.

” He nods his head in agreement. “I’ll even go as far as saying things have improved around here since that new leader of theirs took over.

But that doesn’t mean I’m comfortable with my precious girl hanging around at their clubhouse. ” He strokes his thumb over my cheek.

“Well, I won’t be hanging out there anymore. Corey’s brother told me I have to stay away,” I admit, leaving out the part where I got embarrassingly drunk and asked the man to kiss me.

“Sounds to me like Corey’s brother has your best interest at heart. We all do. Even your mother.” His eyebrows rise.

“I shouldn’t have struck out at her.” I shake my head, feeling disappointed in myself.

“She said some hurtful things, you know how she can be when she’s upset. I’ve called her doctor and he’s prescribed her something to keep her calm,” he assures me. “Now, I want to know what I can do for you.” He frowns with concern.

“There's nothing you can do for me. I’m just sad, Daddy.” I start to cry, and he quickly takes the mug from my hand, placing it on my bedside table so he can comfort me. “It’s okay to be sad, you’ve lost someone you love. It’s going to take a while.”

“I don’t want to ruin your campaign, or your reputation, but sometimes I wish I didn’t have all those expectations. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not very good at being perfect.”

“Hey.” He pulls back and takes my face in his hands. “You are perfect, and nothing matters more to me than you. Screw the campaign and what the neighbors think.”

“You better not let Mom hear you say that.” I manage a smile for him as I wipe away my tears.

“Your mom will be fine, she’s just worried about you. We both are.” He kisses my forehead before standing up. “I’ve told Rachel not to prepare anything for dinner tonight, I’m going to send Greg out to pick us up the biggest, dirtiest burger he can find.”

“Does Mom know about that, too?” I laugh.

“Sweetheart, come dinner time, your mom won’t know what planet she’s on.

” He winks at me before he heads out the door and leaves me to finish my hot chocolate.

I pick up my phone and start flicking through all the pictures I have of me and Corey together.

We both looked so happy. Corey would do anything to make me laugh; he was so patient and understanding over the lack of intimacy I showed him.

Why was that not enough for me? Why did I feel like I needed more?

“I’m sorry.” I stroke his face through my screen as more tears spill over my cheeks.

There will always be a special place in my heart for Corey.

What we had was so easy, it was comfortable and safe.

What I feel for Dev is rough, rugged, and complicated, but I’m addicted to it, and despite all his warnings, I know there's no way I’ll be able to stay away for too long.