Page 19

Two Days Later

“ I ’m done with waiting, we move in now, or I go in alone.” I arrive at the club and storm into Raze’s office, slamming my fist into his desk.

“Morning, Dev, it’s good to see you, too.” He grins up at me sarcastically, making me want to slam this same fist through his face.

“C’mon, Prez, d’ya not think I’ve been patient enough?

I need Irish blood.” I clench my fists, desperate to feel something other than guilt and fuckin’ desperation.

Since I dropped Millie off at her place two days ago, I’ve spent every second thinking about her.

Of all the fuckin’ things I should have on my mind right now, she ain’t one of ‘em. Burlusconi’s men have been watching the shipyard, and it looks to them like Quinnell’s bolstering an army.

We need to handle this situation right-the-fuck-now before that army outnumbers us.

“I appreciate that patience, Dev, but just like the Reapers situation, I have to think of the whole charter. This ain’t just about you and your vengeance, we’re dealing with some serious shit here.

Burlusconi is convinced that Quinnell has links to the Russians, and if he’s right, we could be diving into some real hot water with this. ”

I take the chair opposite him and lean my arms forward on my knees.

“Would you be sayin’ that if it had been someone you loved strung up on the compound gates?” I ask him straight. Flaring my nostrils and trying not to let all my hurt override my anger. I need that anger to keep me strong. Without it, I feel too weak to drag my ass outta bed in the morning.

“Are you questioning my leadership?” Raze lights himself a smoke and narrows his eyes on me.

“It was just a question, Prez.” I shrug.

I swear to God, if I don’t wet my hands with Irish blood soon, I’m gonna snap.

“Ya know, it’s not easy being the one who makes the decisions. I never asked for this role.”

“Then why take it?” I ask him.

“Because the man I respected most in the whole world asked me to, and because every man has to have faith in something. My faith has never been with God; it’s in this club, and I may have lost it for a little while, but I learned from my mistakes.

Acting on impulse gets people killed, it ruins lives, and we have to live with those decisions, Dev.

Sometimes that's worse than being the one who’s dead.

” I lower my head when I understand exactly what he’s saying.

“I can’t have you against me on this. For us to fight off all the shit we got coming, we need to stand together.

No more swipes at Burlusconi, or questioning my judgement.

We are gonna take down Quinnell’s men. We’re gonna make ’em pay, and eliminate any threat to Long Beach that comes after ’em.

I got half the Nevada charter on their way to boost our numbers.

But we can’t forget how dangerous this is, the Irish deal firearms, they’re gonna be well equipped.

I’m asking every man who storms into that shipyard to put his life on the line, and I won’t do that unless I’m sure we’re ready. We’ve lost too many.”

“I hear ya, boss.” I nod before standing back up.

As frustrating as it is, Raze has got a point.

Just because I ain’t got jack shit to lose no more, don’t mean the rest of my brothers should jeopardize all they’ve got going for ’em.

I step out the office into the bar and the first thing I see is Ruckus sitting on a barstool with his old lady balanced on his knee.

Anyone can see he’s fuckin’ crazy about her, I ain’t ever seen the guy smile so much in all the years I’ve known him.

“Check this out.” Wrath bursts through the clubhouse door with a huge grin on his face. He slaps something down on the bar in front of Ruckus before wrapping his arm around Eden’s neck. “You're lookin’ at little Wrath junior right there,” he tells his best friend and Freya proudly.

“Oh, lemme see.” Peyton comes charging outta the kitchen and joins them, leaning over the bar to look at the photo.

“I don’t see it.” Ruckus picks it up, holding it closer and squinting.

“How can you not see it? There's the head, that’s his spine, and these are his little legs,” Wrath points out.

“I mean, I can’t see his dick…he must be fuckin’ yours.” Ruckus laughs, and Wrath must be in a good mood because he doesn’t retaliate.

“Of course, it could be a she, me and Alicia have made a pact that we’re gonna keep these little ones a surprise,” Eden explains as I march past ’em and out the door to the yard.

I ain’t mad at seeing my brothers so happy.

It’s about time some good came outta this place, and it’s wrong of me to expect ’em to give up all that happiness just because I need to feed my hunger.

Eden’s carrying Wrath’s kid, we can’t have another woman raising a child alone in this club.

Peyton and Freya have suffered enough; they deserve the security that Raze and Ruckus can give them.

It’s me who wants Quinnell’s men to suffer; I should be the one who takes all the risks.

I get on my bike and head straight for home.

Charging into my room, I slide the bag full of cash from under my bed and place it on the bed.

I unzip it and stare at the money I’ve been saving for as long as I can remember.

I thought I’d need it to put Corey through college.

Now, it feels as if it was all for nothing.

Killing the men who took him from me, ain’t gonna change the fact that I failed him.

It ain’t gonna stop Long Beach from being a dangerous place right now, either.

Raze keeps reminding us, things are gonna get a helluva lot worse before they get better.

This city is gonna turn into a war zone as all those people, Cliff wronged, continue to strike back at us.

This money in front of me could still make a difference to someone.

I zip up the bag, then grab Corey's phone from where I’ve been keeping it in the top drawer of my bedside table.

Lifting the strap across my chest and resting it on my shoulder, I head back out to my bike, rev the engine, and head out to find Millie.

I’m ashamed to admit that I have a rough idea of what days Millie works at the diner. I’ve made passing by there part of my daily route to the club ever since Corey died. I may have warned the girl to stay away from me, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t intend to keep my eye on her.

Millie has proven that she doesn’t make good choices, and until I know that our murderer is found, I feel it’s my duty to ensure she stays safe.

I park my bike in front of the diner, knowing she’ll be working the lunch shift, and taking a deep breath to compose myself, I head inside.

“Can I help you?” One of the waitresses gives me a bright, welcoming smile.

“I need a word with Millie.” I gesture with my head toward the table full of teenage boys she’s serving.

She’s filling their glasses with water, and when she looks up at me, I can see how shocked and confused she is to see me here.

One of the guys she’s serving suddenly jumps up from his chair with a soaked patch on the front of his jeans.

“Oh, Jeez, I’m so sorry.” Millie looks so fuckin’ pretty as she panics and, placing down the jug, she quickly grabs some napkins from the dispenser.

I watch her sink to her knees and start patting at the guy's crotch, so innocent and oblivious that I have to intervene.

Shaking my head, I march toward her, eyeballing the guy whose outrage has morphed into a perverted grin.

“I think he’s got it.” I take the napkins from her hand and shove them into his chest, knocking him back into the wall behind him, then taking her hand, I drag her out back, to the side alley just like I did the last time I was here.

“Dev, what are you doing? You're gonna get me fired,” she protests as I grab the top of her arms and position her in front of me.

“Dev?” She stares at me angrily, struggling to get free.

“Just shut up and listen for a second,” I tell her, liking the way she feels in my hands, even if she is trying to get away from me.

“I want you to have this.” I slowly release her, taking the cell phone from my pocket and putting it in her hand.

“The passcode is 0409,” I explain, wanting to get this done so I can get the fuck outta here before I do something I regret.

That kid with wet pants doesn’t deserve to die for the cheap thrill he just got.

“That's my?—”

“Your birthday.” I'm hurrying this up because I know, from experience, that the more time I spend around her, the more I start to doubt all my morals.

“There are a lot of memories on there of you and him. This will make sure you never forget ’em,” I explain.

“Dev, that's sweet, but don’t you wanna keep–”

“I’ve sent any photos of me and him to myself,” I assure her, wanting to move on. “I also want you to take this.” I lift the bag from where it’s crossed over my chest and place it on her shoulder, not realizing how heavy it is until it makes her shoulder drop.

“What is it?” She places the cell in her uniform pocket and unzips the bag, staring at the cash in shock.

“Dev, there's thousands of dollars in here,” she whispers, looking up at me as if I’m crazy.

“$255,450,” I inform her. “Look, I know your parents are rich, and you probably feel like you don’t need it, but this is your money, Millie, not theirs.

I want you to take it and get as far away from Long Beach as you can.

Use it for college, set yourself up a business, do whatever you wanna do. Just don’t do it here.”

“I…I can’t take this.” She shakes her head back at me.

“Yes, you can, and you’re gonna. This was all for Corey’s future, and now it’s for yours,” I tell her.

“Dev, do you wanna grab a coffee? You seem on edge,” she offers, clearly worried that I’ve lost all my senses.

“No. I just need you to promise me you’ll get outta here.

” I go to touch her hand, despite knowing it’s a bad idea, and manage to divert it to slide through my hair, instead.

Just looking at her now is a trigger. I wanna kiss the confused, worried look off her face more than I wanna take my next fuckin’ breath, and it’s all so fuckin’ wrong.

Worse, is the fact that I know that if I stick around too long, I won’t be able to fight off the temptation.

“What are you doing, Dev?” I hate that she looks so scared.

“Just promise me.” I grab the top of her arms again, she feels so delicate and small, and I realize that I’m shaking her harder than I should. “I need to hear you say it, Millie. Tell me you’re gonna get out of here.”

“This is my home, you can’t just tell me to leave.” She laughs a nervous laugh.

“It’s too dangerous here, can’t you fuckin’ see that? This place is cursed.”

“If it’s so bad, then why are you still here? I don’t see you packing your shit up and leaving,” she bites back at me.

“That's different.” I shake my head.

“How is i–”

“Because I live for this fuckin’ chaos, okay?” I shout over her. “I need it, I chase it, and that's what got my brother killed. Millie, just take the money and go somewhere safe.”

“Millie?” I hear someone calling out to her from inside, and when she turns her head to look back at the door, I wanna reach out, grab her neck and feel her dainty little pulse beat against my fingertips again.

“I’ll be right there,” she calls back, sounding on the verge of tears, and when she looks back at me, I see them filling up her eyes.

“Dev, you're scaring me. What’s going on?”

“I’m just making things right.” I admire her one last time, before I turn and run, heading up the alley toward the front of the building where my bike is.

“Dev.” I hear her calling after me, but I don’t turn around. I don’t wanna suffer the pain of seeing her and knowing she can never be mine ever again.