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“ S trap ’em up, boys.” Raze hands out the bulletproof vests from the boxes that Burlusconi’s men just carried through and placed on the table.

“Where ya get these from?” Ruck asks, lifting one over his head and securing the velcro around his waist.

“Just a little gift from a friend I have at the ATF.” Burlusconi shrugs, sipping the espresso Polly made him and trying not to look offended by the way it tastes.

“ You have a friend at the ATF?” Rocco chuckles, and Raze shakes his head, reminding him to zip it.

“I’ll bet it’s that chick that was screwing Jimmer,” one of the Nevada brothers pipes up, and Burlusconi doesn’t react to confirm or deny. He just watches as we strap up and arm ourselves, ready to storm the shipyard and make all of Quinnell’s men pay for what happened to Corey.

We don’t know for sure how many of ’em we’ll be up against; we also have no idea what they’ll be equipped with. For all we know, those containers could be piled high with weapons. It’s vital that we all have our heads in the game, but something is telling me Raze’s is somewhere else.

I wait until the boys have armed themselves and headed out to the barroom to say their goodbyes before shutting the door so I can speak with him alone.

“What's gettin’ to ya?” I ask him outright, glancing through the door and seeing that Burlusconi is talking with Dev by the bar. It’s not something I’m comfortable with, so I wait for Ruckus to catch my eye and alert him to be on watch.

“Nothin’s gettin’ to me.” Raze curls up his lip defensively.

“Bull shit, you haven’t been yourself for weeks now. Peyton’s spoken to Eden, and she’s real worried about you.”

“Really, Wrath, I’m about to lead an army of men into a fight, and you're coming at me with bitch talk?” He tries to laugh it off, but I see right through him.

“Yeah, I fuckin’ am, because as you keep reminding everyone here, we all need to be committed to what we're doing here. You're distant and, well… you just ain’t bein’ you.” I try putting it into words, but fail.

“Maybe I’m just being realistic; this is real fuckin’ life, Wrath. We’ve lost Griller, Saul, and now Corey…He was just a fuckin’ boy. You're leaving this compound today with a chance that you’ll never get to meet your kid,” he points out.

“Raze, whatever this is, you need to snap the fuck out of it.” His words make me feel fuckin’ sick, but I can’t let him see that. “We need a leader today.”

“You ever think that we’re selfish?” He stands up and looks outta the glass window to where the girls are all sitting together. Peyton keeps looking at the clock and biting her nails, while Eden looks at me reassuringly when she catches me watching.

“Every day,” I admit.

“What we put ’em through ain’t fair.” He smiles sadly when Peyton catches him looking and waves at him with a brave smile.

“It ain’t, but do you see an alternative? C’mon, Raze, they are our motivation. We wanna make this place safe for them, and taking out these cunts today is one step closer to achieving that.” I watch him light up a cigarette and re-take his seat.

“I can’t give her what she wants.” He closes his eyes and grips the edge of the table till his knuckles turn white.

“What? What are you talking about? Raze, Peyton loves yo–”

“I know, and that’s what makes it all so fuckin’ destroying,” he laughs bitterly.

“Raze, you're gonna have to give me a fuckin’ clue here because you're not makin’ any sense.”

“A kid. She wants a kid. She’s got her heart fuckin’ set on it and I can’t give it to her.”

“These things take time. You're always so busy, I’m surprised you got any time to be–”

“We make time. Trust me.” He hits me with that cold, hard stare.

“Well, you just have to make more time, keep at it. Ain’t like it’s a fuckin’ chore.” I try to make light of the situation, but get nothing out of him.

“It ain’t a case of that; it’s never gonna happen, Wrath.” He looks up at me with a dead serious look in his eyes, and sensing that what he’s about to tell me is serious, I take the seat beside him.

“What ya sayin’, Raze?”

“I’m sayin’ that I’m never gonna be able to give Peyton what she wants. I’m never gonna knock her up, because I can’t.” He speaks through his teeth in frustration.

“Raze, you guys have been tryin’ for no time at all, just–”

“Time ain’t gonna fuckin’ make no difference, Wrath. I’ve been to the doctors and the bullets I’m firin’ ain’t fuckin’ loaded.” He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Oh…” I got no comeback for that, not yet anyway. But the silence is getting heavier while I sit on it. “So what does Pey say about that?”

“I haven’t fuckin’ told her. I don’t know how.” He looks back up at me desperately, and I scrub my hand over my mouth when I realize how hard this must be for him.

“Ya sure the doc’s got it right?” I check.

“You know how impatient I can be. I was getting frustrated at it not happening, so I went to the doc, just to be sure there wasn’t anythin’ for me to worry about.

Turns out there was; he referred me to a specialist, and I’ve had every fuckin’ test there is.

The only way my old lady is getting pregnant is if we use a donor. ”

“You ain’t askin–”

“ No, I ain’t fuckin’ asking you, Wrath.

Don’t you think it’s bad enough you knocked up my sister?

Last thing I’d want is my old lady walking around with a belly full of you, too.

” He looks at me as if I’m crazy. “I don’t want my girl carrying any other man’s fuckin’ kid,” he adds, swiping his hand through his stubble and looking tense.

“Raze, I don’t know what to say.”

“Yeah, well, neither do I.” He glances back out the window to Peyton, who now has Rory on her lap, blowing raspberries on his cheek. “It’s gonna break her heart. Make her question if this is what she wants, and I don’t know how I’m gonna let her go, Wrath.”

“Now you're just talkin’ crazy.” I stand up. “Peyton ain’t gonna fuckin’ leave you. She’s gonna support you through this, she’s your old lady and she worships the ground you walk on.”

“Exactly, and I don’t want none of that bullshit.

I’m never gonna be okay with her growin’ another man’s child inside her; the thought makes me retch, and I can’t expect her to give up her chance to be a mom.

Look at her, Wrath, she was born to fuckin’ do it.

” We both look out and see how happy she is, playing with Saul’s son.

“If I tell her the truth, she’ll feel obliged to stay with me and I ain’t gonna be a charity case. ”

“So what, you're just gonna push her away? Try and make her fall outta love with you?” I laugh at how pathetic his idea is.

“You got a better idea?” He looks back at me as if he’s being serious.

“Yeah, the fuckin’ truth, Raze. Speak to her, explain. Let her make the choice for herself,” I plead with him, because I can see him screwing all this up. Peyton’s the best thing that ever happened to him.

“C’mon, we need to get outta here. Dev’s been speaking to Burlusconi for far too long.” He stands up.

“Raze, don’t do this. Don’t sabotage your chance of happiness,” I beg him.

“And what? Sabotage hers instead? Nah.” He shakes his head and moves toward the door.

“Oh, and Wrath?” He spins back round to look at me before he opens it.

“Say a word about this to my sister, and I swear to god I will fuckin’ kill ya.

” He storms out, clapping his hands and jeering up the boys to follow him out to the yard.

“That conversation looked pretty heated.” Eden smiles when I step out after him.

“It’s all good. We all just want this over with.” I smile at her.

“Me too, it’s gonna be a long couple of hours.” She touches her hands to my chest, feeling the bulletproof vest I got on beneath my cut, and looking relieved.

“You make sure you come home to us, Aaron Adams.” Gripping the lapels of my cut, she pulls me onto her lips.

“Goes without sayin’, darlin’.” I pull away so I can lean down and kiss her tummy. It’s still flat, but I know it won’t be long before she starts showing.

“I love you.” She kisses me one last time, and when I realize I’m the only member left in here, I have to tear myself away.

“I love you, too, both of you.” I stroke my hand over her stomach and head out to join them.