Page 10

“ Y ou want me to come in there with ya? Prez said I shouldn’t leave you alone.” Sinner cuts the engine when he pulls up outside my house. I’m not sure when he and Saint switched, but I ain’t surprised at it. Sinner always takes over when bad shit happens. And there ain’t no shit worse than this.

“I know some whores we could call, the kind that are into doin’ it real nasty.”

“I just need to be by myself,” I tell him, fed up with all the fuss and pitiful looks I’ve been getting.

I don’t want people's sympathy, I don’t fuckin’ deserve it.

. I’ve been drinking since six am this morning, and I’m still not numb.

I don’t know what time it is now, but I know it must be late.

Quinn had a coroner's van come to take Corey’s body a few hours ago.

I must have sat in the room with him for hours, just staring at his white, cold body.

“You know where I’ll be if ya need me.” Sinner nods, with a strange, serious look on his face. It doesn’t fuckin’ suit him.

“Dick deep in nasty.” I pull together a smile to convince him I’m okay, before I get out and slam the door. All that alcohol starts taking effect when I stumble up the path, and when the front door opens, I hold my thumb up to Sinner, who pulls away.

Inside, everything is exactly as it was when I left. Corey’s gym bag is still on the kitchen table, and his sneakers are still on the floor by the couch. It’s impossible to believe that he’s never gonna come home again.

Suddenly, I regret coming back here on my own. I’m not ready to face the reality that this is how it’s gonna be now.

Moving to the refrigerator, I grab myself a beer, cracking the top off and knocking it straight back.

Raze is adamant that we can’t move in on Quinnell’s men until we’ve had a meeting with Burlusconi tomorrow, and being drunk is the only thing that's stopping me from heading to that shipping yard, solo, and making every one of ’em feel the price of my grief.

I need to at least try and get some sleep, because tomorrow is all about revenge, and I’m gonna fuckin’ relish in it.

I head toward Corey’s room, knowing that seeing it empty is only gonna make me hurt more.

I deserve the pain. I failed my brother.

I let him down just like our parents did, and I don’t know how I’m to carry the weight of that.

Slowly, I open his door, the same way I always do to check in on him when I get home late.

Light shines through the crack, and I freeze when I see Millie, curled up in a ball on his bed, asleep and hugging his pillow.

She’s wearing one of Corey’s hoodies, and I creep inside, being careful not to wake her as I crouch down beside her.

I should wake her up and tell her to leave, but instead, I take the opportunity to study her face without her eyes judging me.

She looks peaceful, and so fuckin’ pretty, and although it’s all so wrong, there’s something comforting about knowing she’s here.

I’m feeling guilty for a lot of things, I shouldn’t be letting her be one of them, but it ain’t easy when she’s this fuckin’ beautiful.

When looking at her starts making me hurt even more, I stand up, leaving her where she is and closing the door on my way out.

I head toward my room, taking my brother's cell outta my cut and looking at the picture of us together that those bastards made his screensaver. It was taken on his eighteenth birthday. I’d told him I’d take him anywhere he wanted to go, and all he wanted was a night at the club.

All these years, I’ve thought I was protecting him; I thought I was doing right, but I got it all so wrong.

Stripping outta my t-shirt, I toss it on the floor, then I kick off my jeans and head for the shower.

The water scolds my skin as I scrub all that remains of Corey from my body.

Those fuckers aren’t hiding from us no more; they wanted us to know exactly who they are.

What I didn’t tell Millie earlier is that those cunts carved a huge fuckin’ ‘Q’ into my brother’s chest before they hung him up on our club gates.

I swear, when I’m through with them, there will not be another man on Quinnell's books fuckin’ breathing.

Eventually, I get outta the shower and dry off, pulling on a fresh pair of boxers and sliding into bed.

I stare up at the ceiling, thinking of all the things Corey will never get to do.

He’ll never get to wear that patch that meant so damn much to him that he risked his life for it.

He’ll never get to fix things with the girl he loved, or get married and have kids.

My mind goes to the girl who’s lying on his bed with her heart broken. Millie really cared about Corey; anyone could see that. The fact she’s here now proves it. I bet she’ll live to regret letting some stupid little crush she thought she had on me spoil what they had, now that he’s gone.

She’s sure gonna regret their last conversation, and that's all on me, too.

I try to close my eyes, but all I see is that dead look in my brother's eyes. I wonder what his last thought was, if he had time to be scared. I wonder if he knew how much I loved him, or how fuckin’ proud I was to be his brother.

But worst of all, I wonder if he was expecting me to show up and save him.