Page 25

One Month Later

“ A girl. I can’t believe I’m having a little girl.” I stare down at the sonogram picture of her in my hand and feel like I could burst from all the happiness I’m feeling.

“I was so sure it was a boy.” Vike tosses the car keys at the side cabinet and flicks through the mail.

"Thanks for coming today, I was really nervous about this one,” I admit, starting to get all teary again.

“Hey, I told ya, I’m here for anything ya need, and you had nothing to be worried about.

You heard the doc, she’s doing great in there.

She’s got all her little parts, and she’s growing perfectly.

” His finger tickles at my tummy, and when he rests his hands on each side of my bump, I watch the way he smiles as he stares down at it.

I don’t know what comes over me, but suddenly everything I’m feeling seems impossible to hold in.

Leaning forward, I kiss him the way I’ve wanted to since the first day I laid eyes on him, and when I finally come up for air, the look on his face says everything.

“I just made this weird, didn’t I?” I cover my hand over my mouth and step back from him.

“What? No…” He shakes his head as if he’s still trying to process what just happened.

“I’m so sorry. I should not have done that. These hormones are kicking my ass.” I laugh awkwardly as I back myself up toward the door.

“Wait. Alicia, where are you going?” he asks, still unsure of what to do.

“I promised Griller’s mom I’d keep her updated; I got that extra picture from the sonogram for her, remember?” I try sounding cheery as I pick up my keys and purse from the side.

“Alicia, that’s miles away. Let me drive ya there.” He moves to step forward, and when I hold up my hand, he immediately halts.

“I’ll be fine. I’ve already expected far too much of you today.” I think back to the moment when the nurse asked him if he was excited to be a dad, and feel so fucking stupid for wanting to pretend just for that appointment that he was.

“Alicia, wait!” he calls after me as I open the door and bolt out to my car. I need to get the hell out of there before I do something else stupid.

I beat myself up for what happened the entire journey to Griller's mom's place. On the plus side, it distracts me from being nervous. I’ve only been here once before, and that time, I had Freya with me. Now that I’m here alone, I’m suddenly feeling overwhelmed and a little unsure.

The place is no tidier than it was before. There are still three rusty car chassis on the overgrown front lawn; in fact, the place looks even more like a scrapyard.

“Alicia.” I hear my name, and when I look up to the porch, Griller’s mom is standing in the open door with a wide smile on her face.

“I thought I recognized the car. What a wonderful surprise.” She wipes her hands on her skirt and hobbles down the path to open the gate for me.

I bite down on my teeth when the metal screeches and have to steady myself from toppling over when she launches at me for a hug.

“Oh, it’s so wonderful to see you.” Her arms squeeze so tight I gasp for air. “And look at you.” Pulling away, she looks down at my ever-expanding stomach. “Growing well, I see.” She pats it proudly before scooping up my hand and dragging me inside.

“Excuse the mess, I wasn’t expecting visitors. Greaser will be back soon, he’s just nipped out to the store. He will be so pleased to see you.” She drags the clothes off the couch and taps the seat for me to sit. Dumping them into the threadbare armchair opposite, she balances herself on its arm.

“So, how are you and my little grandbaby?” She shrugs, tucking her hands between her knees like she’s desperate to touch me with them again.

“She’s fine. I actually went for a sonogram today. It was to check that–”

“She? Alicia, are you carrying a girl in there?” She stands back up and claps her hands at the ceiling. “May the Lord bless us, my prayers have been answered. A little late but answered, still.” She laughs.

“Oh…you wanted a girl, huh?” I laugh nervously.

“I’ve always wanted a little girl to dress up pretty and put ribbons in her hair.

I, of course, was never blessed. But this, Alicia…

This is going to be perfect.” She moves to sit beside me, resting her hand on my bump.

“Have you been feeling her move?” she questions, shocking me a little when she starts to prod me.

“Plenty. She’s a real little fidget,” I tell her, wishing she would ease off a little. I hardly know the woman, and her hands are touching all over my belly, trying to provoke some movement.

“Awww, she’s going to be trouble, just like her daddy was.

” She rests her ear against it and taps me with her finger.

“Hello in there, I’m your grandmommy,” she shouts out, looking up at me and smiling while she waits to feel a response.

I’m not surprised when she doesn’t; my little girl is probably cowering in there with fear.

“Have you thought of any names yet? I was thinking we could keep to tradition and name her with an S. You know, Shelby, Susan, Sylvia, something like that." She eventually sits herself back up, looking hopeful.

“I haven’t really thought about names yet, but I'll bear those in mind,” I assure her, nodding my head and keeping the smile glued to my face.

“Well, don’t leave it too long, it won’t be long until she gets here. I was thinking maybe I should come to stay at least a week before she’s due.”

“Stay?” I almost choke. “Stay where, exactly?”

“With you, of course, you’ll want someone there to support you through the delivery.

If she’s anything like her father, she’ll keep you waiting for hours, and afterwards, you're going to be so sore you’ll need all the help you can get.

Newborns are exhausting.” She sighs when she stops to catch a breath.

“Oh, Mrs. Stowman, you really don’t have to worry. I have plenty of help and support,” I assure her, trying to think of something that would be worse.

“Iris, dear. You must call me Iris,” she reminds me. “And there's no need to put on a brave face with me. Greaser is still a Soul, remember. He heard about what happened to your brother.” She looks at me sympathetically.

“Iris, even without Saul here, I still have a great support network. The girls from the club are amazing, and Vike has been so great over the past few months, having him at the house really gives me peace of mind.” Though I have to wonder if he’ll be taking a step back now that I’ve fucked everything up.

“Vike. Now, where do I recognize that name?” Iris taps her finger against her chin.

“He’s one of the club members, Saul’s best friend,” I inform her.

“And he’s living with you?” She looks shocked and appalled by the idea.

“Yeah, I’ve known him a long time; he’s a good guy,” I assure her.

“My dear, don’t you think that's a little inappropriate?” she questions me, sitting a little taller and clearing her throat.

“Not in the slightest. He’s a housemate, and given all that's been happening in Long Beach, I like having him close.” I make it clear to her that nothing will be changing anytime soon, unless, of course, I’ve scared Vike off with my inappropriate behavior.

“What kind of happenings?” Iris looks suspicious.

“There have been some young women murdered lately. The club is staying vigilant and having Vike at the house ha—” I stop speaking when the door opens and Greaser steps inside carrying two brown grocery bags.

“Alicia.” He nods me a greeting, and looks surprisingly shy as he heads straight toward the kitchen.

“Sid Stowman, you get right back here and give the mother to your niece a proper greeting,” Iris calls after him, and when he comes out of the kitchen free from the bags, he looks even more embarrassed.

“Good to see ya, Alicia.” He leans down and kisses my cheek, and the way his beard tickles almost has me giggling. It’s more wiry than Vike’s. Vike’s is soft, and I know he works hard to keep it that way. I’ve seen his beard oil in the bathroom.

“Now that we’re all here, I’ll get us something to eat. I want my grandbaby to come out all cute and chubby.” Iris flits off excitedly to the kitchen, leaving me and Greaser alone.

“So it’s a girl you're having?” He eventually breaks the silence, sitting on the arm of the chair opposite me and stroking his palms on his thighs.

“Yeah, I just found out today.” I smile, noticing a difference in him since the last time I was here; he seems a lot less angry and more subdued.

“And she’s good?” he asks, looking as if he actually cares.

“She’s perfect. Here.” I take the photo from my purse and hand it over to him. “I asked the sonographer to print me an extra one, thought your mom could update the one she has on the fridge.” I watch the way he looks at it and smiles.

“I think Grill would have liked a girl; he sure would have spoiled her.” He laughs to himself as he hands it back over. “Course, he’d have shot up every guy that ever dared to come near here when she was older, too.”

“I don’t doubt it.” I laugh with him. Suddenly feeling so selfish for having her all to myself. I never knew the good side of Griller for very long, but it was there, and I know he would have shared it with our little girl right from the second she was born.

“You got everything you need for her? Ya making your bills okay?” Greaser checks, sounding concerned. “I heard ‘bout what happened to Saul and I’m sorry.”

“We’re fine, Vike’s living at the house, so it’s not just me paying the bills, and she’s gonna have everything she needs when she gets here,” I assure him, stroking my tummy when I feel her rolling around.

“Are you and him–”

“Oh god, no.” I shake my head. “We’re strictly friends.”

“I see.” Greaser nods, but he doesn't seem at all convinced.

“Anyway, enough about me. How's nomad life treating you?” I ask, wanting to move on from the subject of Vike. I can’t think about him without cringing.

“Well, I’m still sleeping here on the couch, so I guess it could be better. Eventually, I’ll find a Charter to settle down at. I was considering Arizona, until all that shit went down with Cam,” he admits.

“You’d have blended right in.” I smile, then, when I realize my mouth has run away with me, I cover my mouth and hate how disappointed he looks by my words. “I didn’t mean..Shit, I?—”

“I know what you meant,” he sniggers back at me. “Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

“Honestly, Greaser, I…I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“You don’t have to lie to me; everyone knows I left Long Beach because I didn’t like the way Raze was turning things. I joined the club for some action, and he was sucking all the fun right outta Long Beach by wading in and trying to play nice.”

“I thought it was the pain of being there without your brother.” I smile, letting him know that it’s a valid reason. He doesn't have to try and be strong with me. I’ve lost a brother, too, now. I know how he feels.

“Well, there’s that, too,” he admits, staring into my eyes and holding them intensely.

“I made Seggy’s favorite to mark the occasion,” Iris interrupts, flitting back in from the kitchen and placing a tray of sandwiches on the coffee table. “Tuna salad and pickles.” She smiles, lifting one up and handing it to me.

“Perfect.” I politely take a bite, looking across to Greaser and smiling at him awkwardly.

It’s dark by the time I get home, and I would have been back much earlier if Iris hadn’t made it so hard for me to get away.

She must have kissed my belly at least twenty times before she allowed me to leave, and when I see that Vike’s bike is parked outside, I realize it’s time to face up to what happened earlier.

I have no idea how to approach this, just the thought of seeing him again is making me want to die with shame, but I have to suck it up.

Pulling up my big girl pants, and these days they really are big pants , I open the door and head inside.

“Alicia.” Vike immediately looks across from the television to me and quickly stands on his feet.

“At ease, soldier, I’m not gonna try kissing you again,” I assure him, dumping my bag on the side table.

“I wasn’t…I mean. Look, what happened earlier was?—”

“A huge, stupid fuck up.” I put it bluntly, grabbing myself a water from the refrigerator and joining him on the couch. “My hormones are wild right now. I’m a knot of confusion. Can we just move on and forget about it?” I plead with him.

“Sure.” He frowns, still looking freaked out by it all.

“I feel so stupid.” I bury my head in my hands and laugh at myself.

“Hey, don’t feel stupid. If it means anything to ya, it was the best kiss I’ve had in a real long time.

” He tries to make me feel better, and as much as I want to do it all over again and make it the best he’s ever had…

I can’t risk scaring him away completely.

Having him around is keeping me going right now.

“So, how did things go with Griller’s mom? Was she pleased to be having a granddaughter?

“Over the moon. She stuffed me full of tuna and gave me a doggy bag to bring home,” I explain, managing a tiny smirk at him. “I saw Greaser there too, he was…different.” I have to think for a while about how to describe our encounter.

“Different, how?” Vike suddenly looks curious.

“I don’t know, nicer, more approachable. Less Greaser.” I shrug, not really sure how to explain it.

“Wow.” I touch my hand to my belly when I feel her shifting around again. It felt as if she just did a complete somersault.

“She giving you trouble in there?” Vike smiles, placing his hand next to mine so he can feel it too.

“Hell, she’s really making some moves in there.” He shakes his head in pure amazement when he feels her beneath his palm, and I have to bite my lip to stop myself from kissing him again.