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Three Years Ago – November

Jordan

For the first time in my life, I spend Thanksgiving alone. The walls of my small studio apartment in Austin are bare as I haven’t bothered to decorate or buy any furniture besides the essentials. I’ve lived here for seven months now, and this place still doesn’t feel like my new home.

I hate everything about this place—the sweltering heat, the traffic, the fact that I have no friends.

I stab around at the store-bought mashed potatoes and rotisserie chicken on my plate, but I quickly give up on my meal.

Nothing tastes the same as the Elliots’ cooking.

I even miss Robbie’s focaccia, for fuck’s sake.

I’m sick of the quiet in this apartment and I’m sick of being lonely.

I didn’t realize how hard things would get once I moved away.

I knew I was putting distance between myself and everyone else, but I figured I’d be okay, that maybe I’d make some friends during the off season.

Instead, I joined a team of hotheaded assholes, none of whom have bothered to connect with me.

Training camp was gruesome, but my game has been better than last season, and I even got called up to play for Dallas once so far.

And yet, I don’t feel any sense of fulfillment. Not in my career or my personal life. I just feel … miserable.

Tangela was right, I do regret leaving Grand Marquee in April.

I should have stayed and supported my friends as they made it to the Calder Cup playoffs.

When I found out they were in the finals, I bought a ticket to the last game and flew into town without telling anyone.

It was a fucking amazing game and Ash and Eli crushed it, bringing home the Cup.

I should have stayed and told them how proud I was of them.

I should have offered to help Robbie and Alex with the nonprofit they started after Robbie retired and Alex moved back to Grand Marquee. I’m sure they wouldn’t have turned me down. I should have spent more time with my sister and my nieces. And most importantly, I shouldn’t have lied to Alice.

Every time I think about her, I can’t stop seeing the hurt and tears and pain I caused her by brushing us off as nothing but a crush. I didn’t want to say it, but I just couldn’t stand the way she was looking at me. Like she believed in me, like she’d follow me if I asked—like I was worth it.

I wasn’t, and I didn’t deserve her dedication. So I ended it. And I regret that the most. We could have had more time to figure things out. We could have stayed friends.

My phone buzzes with a notification and I open the group chat that I’m still a part of but rarely respond to nowadays.

Robbie

Happy Thanksgiving!

I know Robbie’s message is aimed at me, but I don’t respond.

A few minutes later, a picture comes through of the whole family.

Robbie’s parents are standing behind the couch, one holding Katie, the other holding Lory.

Both my nieces are smiling brightly and my heart hurts with how much I miss them.

Even though Tangela and Michael took a trip here this summer, a week wasn’t enough time to spend with them.

My friends look cozy sitting together on the couch, Ash’s arm around Eli’s shoulder.

I zoom in on Ash’s face and wince at the massive black eye he’s sporting.

The game last night must have been intense.

Next to him, Alice is sitting with her knees pulled up, an open book in her lap.

I smile at the sight and take a screenshot of the zoomed in picture of her.

She looks so pretty with her hair in a messy bun and wearing a sweatshirt with a pumpkin on it. God, I miss her.

Olivia is seated next to Alice and she’s holding hands with Robbie, who is more preoccupied with watching her than the camera.

It can’t be easy for him to be back in Grand Marquee, working on the nonprofit all the time while Olivia is traveling all over the Midwest as a referee.

I don’t know how they do it—and look so happy doing it.

Tangela and Michael are sitting on the floor, and he has his arms wrapped around her.

I should be there too.

I quickly close the message and look up the next flight to Grand Marquee. It’s twice as expensive as usual and there are two layovers, but it should get me there by tomorrow. It’s impulsive and stupid since I have to be back Sunday for a game, but I miss my family too much.

My duffel bag is packed in record time, and I take a cab to the airport. I text Tangela on the way too, since I’ll need a place to stay for a couple nights.

Jordan

Making a quick trip home. Do you have an extra ticket to tomorrow night’s Manticores game?

Tangela

Yay! I miss you, little brother. Michael is taking the girls to a movie tomorrow so there are spare tickets if you want them.

Jordan

Thanks. Don’t tell anyone yet.

Tangela

You and your secrets…fine.