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“This okay?” he asks, dragging the ottoman over so we can both put our feet up.

“Yep,” I squeak, clutching my book to my chest.

With our feet up and the blanket pulled over and around us both, we settle in and crack open our books. The faint smell of smoke from the fire mixes with Jordan’s citrus and honey cologne, enveloping my senses.

I read the same page again and again, the words not quite making sense as I’m overwhelmed by Jordan’s proximity and warm body.

Our shoulders brush with each movement he makes to get to the next page, and even though I’m wearing a long-sleeved sweatshirt, I feel like my arm is on fire where we touch.

Scooting lower, I tentatively rest my head on Jordan’s shoulder and get into a more comfortable position for reading.

“Here,” he says, shrugging his arm out and putting it around me so I can lean into his chest instead. My heart beats wildly as he keeps that arm around my shoulder and readjusts his book in his lap so he can keep flipping the pages with his free hand.

It doesn’t take long for me to melt into him and make progress on my book.

I fly through a quarter of it, but start to get squirmy when I make it to one of the sex scenes.

I usually don’t shy away from reading smut in public—in fact, I read it with a straight face—but being surrounded by Jordan’s smell and his hand wrapped around me, brushing my shoulder, well, I can’t not think about him as the hero in my book.

I picture his hands cupping my breasts, kneading until I’m writhing and begging for him to touch me where I need him the most. I picture him kissing me wildly, fucking me with his tongue, pumping his fingers inside me.

“You okay?” he asks and I shut the book, trapping a finger inside so I don’t lose the page number.

“Hm?”

“You seem tense. Everything okay?” he asks, bookmarking his page and offering me all his attention. Shit.

“I’m fine,” I lie through my teeth, keeping my eyes closed and my head resting on his chest. He sees through me and sits up enough to peer down at me.

“Are you falling asleep?”

“No,” I say, opening my eyes. Which is a mistake because now I’m met with Jordan’s eyes peering down into my soul.

“Your eyes seem droopy,” he says, and leaves room for me to respond. When I don’t, he narrows his eyes and asks, “What were you reading just now?”

“Nothing,” I say, sitting up fully and clutching the book to me.

“Okay,” Jordan says, and I let out a deep sigh, happy I wasn’t caught. “I’m going to add a few more logs to the fire. Do you need anything while I stand?”

“No, I’ll run to the bathroom while you do that,” I say, placing the book face down on the coffee table.

I all but sprint down the hall and splash cold water on my face, hoping I can break out of this lust induced daze.

When I return to the couch, Jordan is back to reading his book and I re-enter the cocoon before reaching for my book.

Except—it’s not there. I could have sworn I left it on the coffee table.

Patting down the blanket and the couch, I try to think where I could have set it down.

“Looking for this?” Jordan says breezily, waving my romance book in his large hands. My open book.

I give him a wide-eyed, panicked look and carefully so as to not spook him, I say, “What are you doing with that?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m trying to find out what made you so flustered.”

“Mm-hmm, right, right. How about you give that back to me, and I’ll tell you?” I say, not knowing how to get out of this.

“I don’t think so. I’m quite enjoying how Madison here is writhing and whimpering under Jonas’s touch and ‘pumping fingers’,” he says, referring to the exact chapter I was reading earlier.

My cheeks turn a flaming hot shade of red and I bury my hands in my face, groaning. “J, I can’t handle you making fun of me. Please give it back.”

Warm hands take a hold of my wrists, gently pulling my hands from my face. I grimace but look into Jordan’s eyes, expecting him to laugh at me or think what I’m reading is stupid.

“Why would I make fun of you?” he asks softly, pulling my hands in his lap and stroking his thumb across my wrists.

“I don’t know,” I say meekly, feeling embarrassed, but not for the reason he may think. I don’t care that he caught me reading smut, I feel bad that he caught me reading smut while I was thinking about him .

“There’s nothing wrong with the books you read, and I’m not going to make fun of you.”

“Of course there’s nothing wrong with them,” I huff, and he frowns at me.

“Then why are you acting so weird? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you fly through one of these books in a single sitting at Christmas.”

I laugh and shake my head. I can’t tell him. Can I? Will he find it weird?

Jordan’s open expression makes me wonder if I should just tell him. He must know I never got over him, even though he didn’t want me, even though he said it’s too complicated. I never stopped wanting him.

“I was just reading that scene and—” I say, biting my lip. Jordan’s brown eyes are reflecting the gold from the flames, and I give in a little more. “I couldn’t help but picture you instead.”