Page 17

Three Years Ago – April

Jordan

I blink back tears and push myself to run another mile. I’ve done nothing but run myself into the ground on this treadmill all morning, ever since Coach Brian called to give me the news.

I’m being traded to another AHL team in Texas.

Traded .

I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel, but I’m numb to it all.

It doesn’t feel real. It can’t be real. Not when I’ve given this team everything for the last seven years.

The Manticores have been my home since that day when I showed up to training camp late and scared shitless of my own future.

If it hadn’t been for Alex and Robbie, who knows where I would have ended up.

They were like my brothers—we did everything together, from working out, to going to brunch together, to spending late summer nights at the cabin around a fire pit.

It was a shock to learn that Alex requested a trade and followed his girlfriend to Quebec, but at least I still had Robbie.

And then Eli and Ash came along, and they quickly wormed their way into my life too.

But now, Robbie’s retired, and I’m getting traded, and everything is such a fucking mess.

I can’t help but ask myself what happened? How did I get here?

I used to be the one to get called up to the NHL whenever there was a need, but not this year. I’ve made some good defensive moves, but my game has been off. I’m not at my best, and somehow I lost track of that.

Is it my anxiety?

Is it the stress?

Is it Alice?

I wince at that last thought and press the cooldown button on the treadmill. I shut my eyes tight and try not to think about the fact that I’ll have to confront her at some point today and break the news.

I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed everyone—my friends and the team for not being a good enough player to the point they had to trade me; Alice, for starting something only for us to have to call it quits; and myself, for not giving it my all.

The cold shower at the gym is eye-opening, but I choose to wallow in my self-pity a moment longer. I know exactly how I got here. I wasn’t good enough.

And I can’t keep dwelling on the past. I need to look forward and move on. As soon as I’m out of the gym and in my car, I call my sister and tell her everything.

“Jordan, honey. Hold on a minute, what do you mean you want to leave tomorrow?” she says gently, like I’m a spooked animal.

“I can’t do it, Tangy. I can’t stick around until next season, watching my friends go on without me, while I have nothing left here.”

“Ouch, that’s not fair. You have me,” she says, and I can hear the sadness in her voice. I’m hurting her too, but I can’t fucking stay another minute here. “You have your nieces who love you and look up to you. And what about Alice?”

I close my eyes and rest my head against the steering wheel. I don’t want to think about Alice right now.

“She won’t want to be with a loser who’s about to move thousands of miles away.”

“You don’t know that,” Tangela says in a frustrated voice. She’s always so softspoken and kind that I’m taken aback by her tone.

“Look,” I say, swallowing hard. “This is my decision. I need to do what’s best for me and right now that means getting on a plane to Texas and finding a place to live.” Maybe that makes me a coward, but the truth is, I don’t want to face any of it. I’m not strong enough to handle it.

“You’ll regret it, little brother.”

“Maybe,” I whisper. “Please don’t tell anyone. I’ll handle the goodbyes myself,” I say, and hang up.

Alice

By the time I get to my apartment, I’ve started to worry. I haven’t heard anything from Jordan or the rest of my family when I texted the group chat.

My phone chimes and I rush to get it out, dropping a bag of groceries on the floor of my kitchen.

“Shit,” I mumble, taking inventory of the key limes that are rolling around. Those are supposed to go in a pie, not on the floor.

When I look back at my phone, I see it’s a text from Olivia.

Olivia

How are you holding up?

I frown. What is she talking about? I start typing back a response but Jordan’s caller ID pops up on my screen. I quickly swipe to answer and bring the phone between my ear and shoulder, crouching down to pick up the limes.

“Hello?”

“Hey. I’m downstairs. Can you buzz me in?” Jordan says in a flat voice, and I instantly know something bad has happened.

“Yeah. Are you okay? I’ve been worried, you didn’t answer me all day and?—”

“I’m fine,” he says. It’s short and clipped and my heart stutters. Is he mad at me?

Abandoning the limes, I make it to the front door and buzz him in, waiting with the front door open and the phone still at my ear. The line goes silent, and I slowly blink at it. What is happening right now?

Jordan makes it up the stairs and walks towards me with a quick stride, but it’s all wrong.

He doesn’t wear the smile I got so used to the past month, the one that says he’s happy to see me.

And he definitely doesn’t greet me with a scorching kiss and his hands all over me.

In fact, he avoids my gaze altogether and walks past me into the apartment.

I swallow the lump in my throat and slowly close the door, taking my time to turn around and face him.

“Have you heard yet?” he asks, staring at my plush pink carpet.

“Heard what, J? What is going on?”

Jordan purses his lips and shakes his head, and I can’t tell if he’s irritated with me or with himself.

“I’m leaving,” he says, matter-of-fact.

I sigh, having no goddamn clue what he’s talking about. “Okay, like on a trip? Don’t you have some time until the playoffs start?” I ask, confused.

“No. Fuck ,” he says, his deep voice booming in the quiet of my apartment. “I’m being traded.”

I blink and shake my head, not certain I heard him right. Did he just say traded ?

“I’m moving to Texas. Tomorrow,” he repeats, more firmly this time.

My breath comes out in a rush, and I try to speak, but words fail me. I’m like a fish out of water. Jordan paces the floor of my apartment, his shoulders broad and imposing, his hands planted on his hips. I’d laugh if it wasn’t for the fact he just told me he’s leaving.

“Okay, so you’re getting traded,” I say, nodding to myself, making sense of it all. I could get another teaching job somewhere else. I could go with him. Unless …

“Why didn’t you tell me this morning when you got the call?” I ask, crossing my hands over my chest. That must have been what got him so freaked out he had to leave his own place.

“What?” he looks at me, bewildered.

“Why did you wait all day to tell me?” I ask stubbornly, already knowing the answer, but needing him to say it.

“Because,” he groans impatiently, “I had just found out I’m moving thirteen hundred miles away. I needed to process and find a way to—” He stops, biting his cheek.

There it is.

“To what?” I ask, blinking back tears, but not backing down from this challenge. He should have told me sooner, damn it.

“To tell you.”

“And you think that distance matters to me?” I say with a shaky smile, taking a step forward. “It doesn’t. I think we can make this work.”

“Make what work?” he asks, incredulous, pinning me with his dark brown eyes. There’s none of his usual kindness showing now, just pure anger. “Alice, we’re not together !”

I instantly recoil, my face falling as I drop my arms from my chest. I try not to let my tears fall but my lip trembles and everything is blurry now anyway.

“Do you mean that?” I ask in a small voice.

Jordan pauses and my heart soars. He’s just angry about the trade, he didn’t mean it, he?—

“Yes.”

His resolute answer feels like a punch in the stomach, and it takes everything in me not to fall to my knees and cry. I fiddle with the sleeves of my cardigan and use it to wipe the tears off my face.

“Then leave,” I manage to say in a steady voice.

“Alice,” he tries to say, taking a step towards me. “This is for the best. Let’s not make this complicated and messy over a crush.”

A crush.

That’s all I am to him. After everything . I’m fucking furious at him for making me fall head over heels in love only to leave me behind.

His expression shutters when he sees my face, hot tears still falling. But I don’t give him a chance to say anything else.

“I said, leave.”