Page 89

CHAPTER 88

LARA

Song- I Wouldn’t Mind, He Is We

Smoothing down the front of my wedding dress. I opted for one that sits above the knees and puffs out a little, but it hugs me in all the right places. I even had a diamond waist band added. And for the first time that I can remember, I look at my reflection in the mirror and I smile. I like what I see.

And Alexei is going to go nuts over this. I can’t wait for him to rip it off later.

We only wanted a small wedding, especially with Mikhail gone.

Fuck.

I didn’t want to cry today. I miss my big brother. We have no idea where he is. He could actually be dead for all I know. I’m holding on to the hope that he’s just used another one of his lives.

Except I know, someone can only live so recklessly for so long before it catches up with them.

My gut is telling me he’s still alive.

And I know Nikolai, Alexei and Enzo won’t rest until he’s back with us.

There’s a knock at the door that distracts me from my little spiral.

I open it up and I’m met with a huge bouquet of lilac and white flowers and a platter of strawberries and a little white envelope with scribble on.

Alexei.

Holding back the tears, I put the tray and flowers on the table and rip open the letter.

I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you.

No matter what, you are the other half of me.

The strongest, the wisest and the most beautiful woman in the universe.

There is no Alexei without his pchelka.

I can’t wait to do the rest of my life with you as my wife.

I am proud of you and I love you more than I can ever explain.

But I love you for everything that you are today, everything you ever have been or will be.

Whatever version of you,

For eternity, Lara.

I bet you look so fucking pretty right now.

Now be a good girl and come and marry your man.

I’ve waited long enough for this.

Let’s do this crazy life thing together, just like I promised you twenty years ago.

Love your sladkiy.

Dammit Alexei. I hiccup and wipe away my tears. They say everyone is put on this planet to search the other half of them. The one love of their life. I’m lucky to have had mine in my life for as long as I can remember.

Every milestone, I’ve had him by my side.

Through the good, the bad and the horrifying, he’s held my hand.

He’s cried with me, he’s held me and made me laugh until I forget the pain.

He’s made it his life purpose to see me smile.

Even when I hated myself, that man dragged me out of my head.

On days I didn’t want anyone to speak to me, he made sure I still knew he loved me.

That I was worthy of it.

He spoke louder than the voices telling me I was useless and ugly.

I may never truly be able to see my own beauty, but I’ll always be able to see it in his eyes when he’s looking at me.

We truly have always done life together.

There’s another knock at the door as I place the letter on my pillow.

“Come in!”

Nikolai fills the space. God he looks so uncomfortable in his suit.

“You look smart, bro.” I tease.

“And you look stunning, little sis.”

He scratches his stubble, looking over at the flowers and strawberries.

“Have you… eaten?”

I nod.

“I had breakfast with Sofia and Mila. Oatmeal to be exact.”

Sometimes I feel like a kid with them checking in on my food intake, but I understand after starting my therapy that it’s because they care.

I scared them. And myself.

I never wanted to die. I don’t want to leave them, I couldn’t.

My family and Alexei are everything. I just lost control.

My eating habits were the only thing that made me feel like I wasn’t spiraling, even if it was slowly killing me.

But it’s something I’m going to have to manage for the rest of my life. There is no magic fix here.

We’re just taking it one step at a time.

“Are you okay?”

I look up at Nikolai and rush into his arms. We aren’t a cuddly family, but he sure does make me feel safe.

“Today, you marry that crazy man downstairs that makes you so happy. You’re getting better, we’re searching for Mikhail. We’ve all got your back. We always have and we always will. You hear me?”

I squeeze him tighter. “I miss Mikhail.”

“That makes two of us. You know him, whatever the hell he’s up to, he’ll be safe. Have faith in his brutal ass.”

I can’t help but laugh.

I’ve seen him at his worst. He’s scary as hell. But a heart of gold.

“We better get going before those damn flamingos run rampant and get us all kicked out.”

I roll my eyes.

“They aren’t house trained. But they do listen to Alexei.”

He chuckles. “They understand broken English I guess.”

“They must.”