Page 68

CHAPTER 67

LARA

Why haven’t I heard from him?

I can’t think, I can’t even function without knowing he’s safe.

The first night isn’t awful. Nikolai is letting me stay here with him, so at least there’s Elena to keep me occupied.

Him and Mila are busy with preparing for their newborn. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own head and Alexei, it was almost a shock when I got called to look after Elena.

Mila has the cutest little baby bump i’ve ever seen, you’d hardly know she was pregnant.

“Aunt Lara? Will you color with me?” She tugs on my hand before I’ve barely opened my eyes.

“Yes, sweetie. What time is it?” Groggily, I lean over and pick up my phone.

No messages and it’s six am.

I fucking hate this.

“I dunno. Daddy and Mila are still sleeping. I don’t want to go in their room.” She smiles and holds up a finger to her lips. “So we can be quiet and draw princesses?”

“That sounds like so much fun. Can you give me just a few minutes to get up and dressed? Do you want any cereal?” I fling back my comforter and swing my legs over the edge of the bed.

It feels strange to wake up without Alexei. I’ve gotten used to him being there.

What if he doesn’t come back?

Pain digs through my chest at the thought. No. I can’t always imagine the worst.

But it’s hard not to.

“Oh, the chocolate kind?” Her eyes widen excitedly.

My father’s words echo in my ears from when he caught me with a candy bar when I was barely her age.

I won’t be that person for her.

“Sure, the little pink bowl? Maybe you can split some strawberries with me too? I love those in the morning.” I try to give her a grin as I lie to her.

I never want to eat early.

That’s when I do my best on the treadmill.

And hopefully suggesting the tiniest container for her will limit the sugary stuff.

I wish someone had taught me better habits when I was younger. Life would have been so much easier.

She carries her breakfast and I have the berries to head to her room.

I don’t know what time my brother and his wife normally get up, but I’m certainly not disturbing them.

“Aunt Lara? Are you gonna have any kids for me to play with?” Elena asks as she colors a purple butterfly.

I wasn’t expecting that.

“I’m not sure. It’s a very important decision that Alexei and I would have to talk about.” I’m working on a blue dragon sitting on a castle.

I don’t think it would be good for me to be pregnant, I don’t know if I would cope well. It’s not fair on any of us to go through that.

Elena giggles. “You and Alexei? That would make funny looking babies.”

My stomach rolls. She thinks I’m ugly?

“Why would you think that?” I try to downplay it, but it hurts.

“They might have a silver tooth when they’re born like him.” She grins widely, pointing to her missing front one. “Maybe when mine grows in it will be gold?”

Dropping her crayon, she digs through her box for a bright yellow one. “Like this.” She scribbles over the face of the sun.

That isn’t nearly as bad as what I thought she meant.

“That’s very pretty, I love it!” Why do I always think the worst?

A light knock on the door frame startles me.

Nikolai stands there, crossing his arms over his chest. “Mikhail called.”

I think my heart triples its rate. “Yes?”

“He said he got Alexei dropped in, and will be heading to the pickup zone tonight.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Sounded like everything went as planned.”

Except I still haven’t heard from him. “Is he out of cell range?”

Nikolai wipes his hand over his face. “I have no idea. Alexei doesn’t tell me shi—” He glances down at his daughter. “—anything anymore.” He shakes his head. “I’m making coffee, want some?”

“No thanks.” I don’t want to tell him I’ve already passed my calories for this morning with the three strawberries I ate.

Wait. Alexei’s diet plan says that I can. It allows for both.

I like not having to worry. “Actually, that sounds nice, thank you.”

Nikolai nods and disappears down the hall.

“I wish your daddy knew more about what Alexei is doing.” I try to focus back on the outline in front of me.

“What is he doing?” Elena doesn’t look up as she reaches over and pops a berry in her mouth.

“He’s paying for saving me.” And risking everything to do it.