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CHAPTER 71

LARA

“I can’t be here anymore.” Seeing my brother so happy with Mila is killing me with a thousand tiny cuts.

“I know something will turn up.” Nikolai runs his fingers through his hair as his jaw ticks. “We’ll find him, Lara.”

The rage that has festered in me since Alexei first disappeared wells up and explodes from me. “Stop lying to me!” I scream.

It feels like my heart is going to burst in pain. There’s a knot that tightens around my chest and doesn’t let me breathe.

“Lara,” he says quietly. “You really think we’d just let him go?”

That knocks the wind out of me, and I slump to the bed with my half-filled bag clutched in my hands. “I can’t.”

I’ve never felt this much ache before.

Hollow.

Lost.

Why is it so different now? This isn’t the first time Alexei has been missing.

But it’s never been like this between us before.

With him, I felt whole, complete.

Now, I’m shattered all over.

How do I live without him?

“We won’t. Enzo is searching for him. Mikhail thinks they might have found where he was at his last contact.” Nikolai stands at the door, leaning against the frame.

That’s all it will be known as.

Last contact.

It’s how we’ll all remember Alexei.

“It’s been ten days, Nikolai. He would have found a way by now.” I stuff the last of my clothes into my small duffel and zip it. “I just want to go. I’ll be at Alexei’s house if you need me. I’m getting tired of going back and forth to check on his birds.”

At least Sheila and Bruce won’t ask me constantly how I feel.

Numb.

“I get it. But are you sure? You know you’re always welcome here.” Nikolai’s voice trails off.

“I know. Thank you. Really. It was fun to hang out with Elena. I’m just ready for some quiet time.” Slinging the strap to my satchel over my shoulder, I brush past him and down the stairs.

This will be better. Space away from everyone.

Alexei will come back, right?

I’ll get his house cleaned up for him. It’s been a chore to make it over to check on the flamingos, but if I’m there it will be easier.

But will I be able to be there, with his things all over, and not shut down?

Only one way to find out.