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CHAPTER 5

LARA

Slamming the door shut behind me, I storm through the hallway and toss my bag across the floor.

That motherfucker.

I can’t believe he said I was the slowest eater he’s ever met? He has no idea how much I had to hype myself up just to go on the damn date, in a restaurant.

Bile rises in my throat. After he made that comment, despite rapidly losing my appetite, I ate most of the plate of grease. I feel disgusting.

I thought I had a better handle on myself until Nikolai took off running after Mila around Russia. It was hard not to panic constantly worrying that he and Alexei wouldn’t come home. Memories flood back of that night five years ago.

Nikolai’s anguished yelling. Mikhail was injured, but trying to hurry us away.

Alexei never left my side, even though I was terrified.

Our whole lives were crashing around us.

We’ve all had to rebuild in our own ways, away from our evil father. The man who made me starve to stay in shape so he could marry me off for an alliance one day.

Gripping onto the kitchen counter, I take a few deep breaths, before grabbing a glass of cold water.

Maybe, if I don’t eat tomorrow I won’t gain any weight.

Sliding out my phone, my finger hovers above Alexei’s number. With all of his crazy, he brings me calm. When he crashes into my life daily, I get so lost in his unpredictability and his deranged humor, I can forget about the anxious gnawing which always seems to exist in my belly.

After that disastrous date, he is the one I need more than anything,

Just as I hit dial, he answers before it even rings.

“Pchelka. Are you okay?” His gravely voice mellows the frustration of earlier.

I smile at the screen. “Yes, sladkiy. I’m fine.”

There’s a raspy sound, I bet he’s scratching at his stubble.

“Hmm. Why don’t I believe you?” He pauses. “Open the front door.”

I frown, looking at the time. It’s nearly midnight. Following his orders, I open it and find him leaning against the porch rail, one leg over the other, hand in pocket and his cell up to his ear.

His broad grin reveals his silver tooth shining in the security lights.

I might be happy to see him, but I don’t want him to know it. “What are you doing here?”

With a shrug, he stands up in front of me. “I was passing by, thought I’d check in on my favorite Volkov.” He chews his bottom lip. “And to see if you’d filled up that candy jar.”

I’m surprised that his silver tooth is the only one that’s been replaced. As much sugar as he eats, I’d expect his whole mouth to be rotten by now.

Yet, he still has the perfect white smile.

“I did.” I twist the diamond ring on my finger and turn away. I know I can’t even look at the container tonight, or I’ll be eating half of it by myself.

He brushes past me and pulls the lid off to scowl inside before making a selection.

“Is that the only reason you’re here? I’m not sure I’m in the mood for company tonight.” As much as I love Alexei, he’s my best friend and can’t give me what I need tonight.

I just want to feel sorry for myself. There’s no way to explain that to him.

“I want to watch the next episode of Yellowstone.” He pushes past me and flops onto the couch. “Where’s your friend?” He looks over the backrest at me. The tattoos on his neck are a sharp contrast with the beige of the cushion.

Standing in front of the fridge, I really wish a cheesecake would appear.

One night of cheating won’t count, will it?

“It didn’t work out.” My stomach is still rolling from the heavy food. Probably a good thing I don’t have any dessert here, besides Alexei’s stash.

“Did you watch one? It tried to skip ahead.” He pushes buttons on the remote before tossing it onto the glass coffee table.

“Like I’d dare watch it without your annoying commentary,” I grumble into my empty freezer.

“It needs it. It makes you laugh.” He pounds on the seat next to him.

Which is just what I need, a night of Alexei induced laughter.

“It does.” I admit. Finally settling on strawberries, I fill a small bowl and join him in front of the TV.

When he left with Nikolai, it almost made my skin itch. My world was quiet, and boring without him.

Curling my feet under me, I tug up a blanket and lean against his warm arm. His comforting scent surrounds me as I relax.

Sometimes I wish we were something more than close friends.

But I screw up every romantic relationship I’ve ever been in. I’d rather have this much of Alexei than to mess it all up and have none.

He’s the only thing that keeps me sane most days.

Seeing how happy Nikolai was when he came home makes me ache for that, though. Someone to love every part of me.

I don’t know if Alexei is even capable of that. So I won’t push it.

He doesn’t judge. He doesn’t try to change me. Of all of the people in the world, he accepts me for who I am.

And I’m terrified to lose that.