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CHAPTER 1

LARA

TWENTY YEARS LATER

No one understands how hard this is.

I need to be perfect all the time, or I get judged.

My father was the worst. Always looking over my shoulder for him is exhausting. Sometimes, it all becomes too much.

He expected everything from my big brothers, Nikolai and Mikhail, but from me, it was to be immaculate. The mafia princess he needed me to be.

People can’t see me out of control. The days when I barely have the strength to pull myself out of bed. It’s always after I fuck up and decide to cheat.

Stupid. That’s weak.

I should be stronger than that. There are just so many days when I can’t stop.

Then it comes back to punish me.

At least Alexei seems to understand. Well, he accepts me.

He told me about this cabin years ago, when we first came to Vegas. Small, quiet, and remote.

It’s a safe place that isn’t surrounded by coffee shops and bakeries.

They’re the worst.

Being able to smell fresh pastries while I’m walking down the street should be a crime. How do they expect anyone to resist?

Luring me in. Practically forcing me to eat.

No. Out here, all I can smell are the pines. It’s easier to forget. I always make sure that I pack lightly, so I’m never tempted.

Alexei swears he never comes out here, but it’s clean and fresh every time I show up.

He must have someone who checks on it regularly. Otherwise, how would it be so cozy?

I know it drives him crazy when I disappear. It’s just so hard to deal with the overwhelming pressures.

Looking a certain way.

Acting like I know what is going on.

Never missing a step.

Who did they call when Jax and Sofia’s world was crashing down?

Me.

Who did Niki trust to judge Mila’s character?

Me again.

I tried to warn him I had a weird feeling about her, then she stabbed him.

Maybe I should have tried harder. It’s my fault he got hurt.

If I hadn’t eaten so much sugar, I would have been able to be clearer.

Like my father used to say. The sweets make me dull and fat.

Nikolai needed me. I let my own brother get hurt because I wasn’t paying attention.

I just need a few days to detox. A good fast and I’ll be sharp again. I’ll lose this extra weight that I put on while worrying.

Then I’ll be better. The treats won’t get to me next time.

I’ll resist.