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CHAPTER 38

ALEXEI

Slamming the laptop shut, I pick it up and smash it repeatedly against the dining table.

Sheila squawks next to me.

“Shut up,” I growl at her.

I much prefer her over Bruce. He’s grumpy. Kinda reminds me of Nikolai. Maybe I should rename him.

Fuck. I shake my head. Lara. My brain is on Lara.

I think her little show was for me. Dan? Who the fuck is Dan?

The thought of another man having his hands on my Lara makes me violent. More than that, murderous.

I’m losing her. The one person in my life who keeps me sane, and I’m just about clutching on to the last shred of sanity I have left.

They might call me crazy, they have no idea how far that goes for her.

She is my purpose in life.

I crave her in ways I can’t comprehend.

I don’t just want her. She’s a fucking addiction sweeter than any candy.

One taste and I was hooked. I can’t let this happen. I can happily lose my mind, but I can’t lose my heart.

No, fuck that. One look all those years ago and I was a goner.

Hitting my palm against my forehead over and over as if that will finally be the thing to knock some sense into me.

I’m so damn stupid.

I can’t let her go. That would kill me. Game over. My life wouldn’t be worth living anymore.

You can’t please everyone, sometimes you have to hurt them for the greater good.

Nikolai and Mikhail will forgive me one day, I hope. If not, I died for a worthy cause.

And that is Lara.

The risk that is worth it.

“Ouch!” I pull my hand back before Sheila can peck at it again.

She has that cute look in her eyes, where I don’t know if she’s going to attack me or rest her head on my arm.

“What are you looking at? Do you have the answers? Do I go get my girl? And risk Nikolai slicing me up and serving me to you?”

Wait, do flamingos eat humans? Would they if they’re hungry enough?

I tap my fingers against the table waiting for her answer.

Yes, I ask my flamingo for advice on life altering decisions. She gets me in ways no one else can.

She honks right in my ear. Fuck, I hate that noise.

“Okay. Okay.” I hold my hands up. “I’ll go get my woman.” I point past her towards her food dish. “Only if you eat your fishies today.”

I swear she understands me. Or am I really losing the last of my marbles?

Oh well.

I race over to Lara’s at lightning speed on my all black BMW S1000 RR, she’s a beast. Or as Lara calls it, my death trap.