Chapter 350 Inner Strength that Keep me Going

Now, with Nick snuggled in his bed and Anna tucked away, only Suzuka and Antonio remained. The house felt different - calmer, more intimate - like the world outside had shrunk to just the two of them.

Antonio leaned against the wall, sighing softly as he ran a hand through his hair. The day had taken its toll on him too, though his exhaustion was more emotional than physical. His gaze drifted to Suzuka, who stood quietly, her eyes watching him thoughtfully.

The silence between them was thick and uncomfortable. It was the kind of quiet that allowed unsaid things to float in the air, waiting for someone to give them a voice. Antonio cleared his throat awkwardly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as if trying to find the right words but unsure how to start.

“Well, Antonio, it’s just the two of us now,” she teased, breaking the silence. 

Before Suzuka could fire off another playful tease, Antonio’s expression shifted, his eyes growing serious in a way that stopped her in her tracks. He raised a hand, cutting her off before she could speak.

“Suzuka... I need to talk to you,” he said quietly, his voice low but firm. There was an urgency in his tone that made her take this seriously. It wasn’t like him to be so direct. He glanced over his shoulder, toward the door where Nick and Anna were resting. 

“But not here. Come outside with me. I don’t want them overhearing this.”

 Suzuka followed him out. The cool evening air wrapped around them as they stepped out into the quiet, the setting sun casting a soft glow over the yard. The world outside was still, the only sound being the faint rustling of the trees in the wind.

Antonio walked a few steps ahead, his shoulders tense, before he finally stopped and turned to face her. For a moment, he just stood there, staring down at the ground as if trying to gather his thoughts. Then, with a deep breath, he lifted his gaze to meet hers. His eyes were filled with a mix of regret and something deeper - something heavier that had been weighing on him for a long time.

“I know that you probably don't even want to hear me speak but let me say this. I... owe you an apology. A real one. Not just some quick ‘sorry’ or a throwaway line. I need to say this, and you deserve to hear it.”

Suzuka blinked, the playfulness that usually danced in her eyes fading as she realized how serious he was. She stayed quiet, letting him speak.

“I did you wrong, Suzuka,” he continued, his hands clenching into fists at his sides.

 “More than I ever want to admit. Back then... when I handed you over when I betrayed you... I thought I was protecting my family. I thought I didn’t have a choice. But that doesn’t excuse what I did. Nothing does.” His voice wavered, and for the first time, Suzuka saw the raw guilt he had been carrying all this time.

“I gave you up to those monsters. I let them take you, and I didn’t even look back. You have every right to hate me for that. But despite everything I did, despite how much I wronged you... you still came back. You saved my family. You helped me with the debt. You helped Anna and Nick, even after what I did. And I... I can't thank you enough for that.”

Suzuka stood there in silence, watching Antonio’s shoulders sag as if the burden of his guilt was finally too much to carry. 

“I don’t expect you to forgive me. I don’t even expect you to understand why I did what I did. But... I had to say this. I had to let you know. How wrong I was. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything.”

Antonio's gaze fell to the ground once more, his voice trembling as he continued.

 “I don’t know how I could ever repay you for what you did for us, Suzuka. For Anna, for Nick... for me,” he said, his words coming out slowly, as if he were picking through every thought with caution.

 “I understand how much I hurt you. What I did… it’s unforgivable.”

He took a shaky breath, clenching his fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white. His whole body seemed weighed down by the guilt and shame that had been gnawing at him for so long.

 “I’ve thought about it so much,” he continued.

 “And I keep asking myself - how could I possibly make things right after what I did to you? How could I ever atone for that betrayal?”

His gaze flicked to her, his eyes pleading, but they quickly dropped back down.

 “I don’t know how to repay you, Suzuka. I don’t think I ever can. But if it would make you feel even a little better, if it would take away some of the pain I caused you... then…”

He swallowed hard, steeling himself before speaking the next words. 

“Then maybe... maybe I should feel that pain too.”

With that, Antonio took a small step back, his fists still trembling, before he straightened up. He raised his chin, closed his eyes, and braced himself.

“If it helps,” he said, his voice breaking slightly. 

“You can hit me. As hard as you want. If it makes things right. I deserve it. I deserve worse.”

He stood there, silent, waiting. His face was tense, every muscle tight with anticipation of what was to come. His eyes remained shut, his body braced for the blow he felt he deserved as if this was the only way he could atone for his sins. Antonio, so consumed by his guilt, stood vulnerable before Suzuka, ready to accept whatever punishment she saw fit.

Suzuka walked toward Antonio without saying a word, her expression unreadable. Antonio still braced for the blow, clenched his fists harder, every muscle in his body tensing in anticipation. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, preparing for the worst, but instead of a hard hit, he felt a gentle tap against his cheek. His eyes flew open in surprise.

Suzuka stood there, her hand still on his cheek, but there was no anger, no hatred in her touch. Instead, her gaze softened, and her lips curved into a playful smirk.

 “Forget it, Antonio,” she said, her voice light but sincere. 

“It was a long time ago. And honestly... I get it, in a way. Like I told you, there was a time when I wanted to break every bone in your body.”

She chuckled, shaking her head as if the very idea now seemed ridiculous to her.

 “But not anymore. I’ve changed.”

Antonio blinked, still processing the moment as Suzuka took a step back, hands on her hips, that same playful energy returning.

 “So do me a favor, okay? Just... don’t get into trouble again. No more debts, no more shady deals. Keep Anna and Nick safe, alright?”

 Suzuka wasn’t done, though. She flicked her hair over her shoulder and added with a wink, “And do me another favor - don’t tell anyone else I’m back. The Suzuka they knew is gone. I’m Helen now.”

 Suzuka raised a finger, playfully wagging it at him.

 “You don’t need me to explain, do you? You know why. Being a five-star MBPU and all that... Yeah, it’s best if I keep a low profile. The less people know, the better. Just tell Nick and Anna that for me, okay? Helen, not Suzuka.”

He looked at her, his eyes filled with a mix of sorrow and gratitude.

 “You’re strong, Suzuka. Stronger than I ever gave you credit for.”

“I will tell them, thank you. Not just for helping with the debt or saving my siblings. But for being strong. For being better than I was. You... you’re a good person. A better person than I’ll ever be.”

The sincerity in his voice struck Suzuka deeply. She could see how much he meant every word, how much he was struggling to make amends, even though he knew some things couldn’t be undone.

Suzuka’s expression faltered, her smile fading. She looked down at her hands, feeling the weight of his words, the way they seemed to press on her chest. She didn’t deserve them, at least not in the way he meant.

“Antonio,” she began softly, her voice quieter than usual, “I’m not strong. Well, at least not in the way you think.”

“What do you mean? After everything you’ve told me... surviving out there, building your town, saving all those creatures - you don’t call that strength?”

She let out a shaky breath, her hands twisting together.

“I wasn’t strong at all. The things that happened to me... they were more than I could handle. If I hadn’t gained this strength - this physical and magical power - I would have died, Antonio. If it was plain old me, a silly girl who thought about joining a guild and becoming an adventurer after graduating from school, I would’ve died a thousand times in that forest alone.”

Her voice cracked slightly, betraying the vulnerability she’d been holding back.

“I was scared. Terrified. Every day, every moment, I thought it was the end. It wasn’t some inner strength that kept me going - it was the power I’ve got now. If it weren’t for that, I would have been nothing. No one. I didn’t reach where I am because I was strong in the way you’re thinking. It wasn’t some deep resolve, smarts, or bravery that got me here. It was luck. I happened to get stronger, to get magic power, and that’s the only reason I survived. If it wasn’t for that, I’d be just as lost, just as powerless as I was before all of this. The person you remember, the Suzuka who laughed and joked and thought she could handle anything... she wouldn’t have made it.”