Chapter 172 Depressingly Melodramatic

As Hermit continued to wake from the dream, still sleepy, dizzy, and disoriented, he stretched his limbs impossibly long, causing his body to contort in a bewildering spiral. His mouth opened so wide that it seemed as though he could swallow himself whole. As he released a yawn so loud that it resonated like a monstrous roar, the guild echoed with the sound of it.

In the midst of his bizarre awakening, Hermit's lips clapped together with such force that it sounded like thunder echoing through the entire guild hall. His eyes began to flutter and eventually opened, revealing his disoriented gaze. Memories of his surreal dream swirled through his mind, leaving him in a state of confusion.

Suddenly, Hermit looked up and saw Lisanna crouched down beside him, gently whispering his name. Still caught between the blurred lines of reality and his dream, Hermit mumbled, "M-Master Lisanna? W-what... where did all the food go? Wh-where are my fellow goblins? W-what is going on?"

His head wobbled erratically, reminiscent of a dazed puppy trying to find its footing. 

"W-where is everyone, where are the songs? Where's the singing, the dancing, people and goblins holding hands? I don't... I don't understand... w-what?"

Lisanna couldn't help but find amusement in Hermit's confused state. With a playful glint in her eyes, she gently gripped Hermit's ears and began to slap his face gently with his own ears, as if to jolt him back to reality.

Hermit's dazed voice quivered as he struggled to make sense of the situation, "Wha-what's going on? Master, why are my ears slapping me? It's like they've turned against me! I-I don't understand. Why are my ears betraying me?" he stammered, his words slurring together like a drunken sailor.

As Lisanna playfully grasped his ears, Hermit's befuddled mind tried to process the sensation, but his thoughts felt like tangled spaghetti. He weakly attempted to swat her hands away, but his movements resembled that of a bewildered insect caught in a spider's web.

"What is happening? Hermit's brain is like soup... no, like squished mud! Can't think straight, nooo! Wait... Why do hands touch ears? Ears are not for playtime! No play with ears! Gah! Unhand Hermit! Master, let go of my precious ear-sails! " he whined, his voice rising in panic.

Hermit, still lost in his haze of confusion, attempted to guard himself with erratic hand movements, but his efforts were in vain, like a wild, demented cat swatting at invisible foes.

 "Master Lisanna? Is it you? No, no, can't be sure... Hermit's mind is like tangled vines with no clear path! Spiders! Are there spiders? Hermit doesn't like spiders! Tiny legs, crawling, creepy, crawly... Noooo!" he screeched, his body twitching in imaginary discomfort.

Lisanna's mischievous grin faded as she finally released her tight grip on Hermit's ears, causing him to tumble backward in a clumsy, uncoordinated manner. He landed on the floor with a heavy thud, sitting in a daze as he instinctively brought his hands up to rub his aching face. Slowly but surely, he began to regain his senses, blinking rapidly to clear his blurred vision.

"The feast... it was just a dream. Ughhh... What just happened? Feels like... like a herd of boars stomped on Hermit's head!" He groaned, rubbing his eyes with his tiny, grimy hands. 

"Hermit can feel the reality now. Ouch, my body hurts," he added, rubbing his sore face and limbs, a testament to the wild encounter with the raccoon he had experienced.

"Master Lisanna, why are you always so cruel? You nearly squished Hermit's magnificent ears!" he mumbled, his voice tinged with both despair and lingering disorientation. 

But Lisanna seemed amused by his distress, crossed her arms, and sneered, "Magnificent, huh? Well, they don't look too magnificent to me. More like chewed-up goblin snacks, if you ask me."

Hermit's ears twitched furiously, and he retorted, "No! No snack! Goblin ears are special! Full of secrets and magic! Not for snacking! they are the most precious treasure a goblin can have! Well, besides belly pillows that is."

Hermit stood up, his broken-in-half ears drooping on the ground, bruised from all the dragging as he desperately scuttled after Suzuka. His belly was bulging out and bloating like he had swallowed a giant balloon, its contents churning and swirling with unsettling ferocity, a result of his insatiable appetite for eating all the discarded food from trash bins.

Lisanna couldn't resist taunting him further, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "Oh, poor little goblin! Can't handle a tiny tug on those floppy ears of yours? Pathetic!"

He rubbed his swollen tummy, which churned and bubbled like a cauldron of discomfort, and mumbled under his breath, "Ughhh! Hermit doesn't feel so good, guts are swirling and bubbling. Ughh, Hermit doesn't like the sloshing in his tummy." his voice feeble from the strain.

Lisanna, with a callous demeanor, snatched him up in her hands and carried him to her table, tossing him unceremoniously on her reception desk. Hermit winced as he landed, the impact adding to his discomfort.

As Hermit sat on the desk, his eyes darted around in a daze, "Gurrrgh... ughh... Master Lisanna, why so cruel? My poor ears... Ouchie... Ouchie..."

 Lisanna leaned over him, her eyes focused on his damaged ears.

 "So, little goblin, what happened to these ears? Why are they broken in half and drooping like dirty rags?"

Hermit's eyes darted nervously around, avoiding direct eye contact with Lisanna. He fidgeted, his tiny hands trembling in embarrassment as he struggled to find the right words to answer her probing question.

 "M-Master Lisanna, I don't want to talk about it. It is a humiliating story. Please, don't ask Hermit."

But Lisanna didn't take no for an answer. She firmly gripped one of Hermit's ears by the head with one hand and with the other hand, she clamped down on the end of the same ear, leaning in close to whisper directly into his ear.

 "It would seem that you forgot, Hermit. If I ask something, you answer; otherwise, punishment is in order."

Before Hermit could utter a single word, Lisanna yanked on his ear with great force. His ear stretched with a sickening sound of cracking and crunching. Hermit jolted in pain, letting out a high-pitched squeak like a tortured toy, "Wreeeee!"

Lisanna released her grip on his ear, and he rolled away from her in a flurry of limbs, screeching in agony, "Reee! Master! Please! Do not defile Hermit's ears even further! Please!"

Clutching his beloved ear, discolored, bruised, and cracked at the contours, Hermit embraced it with a hug, gently stroking and blowing cool air onto it, whispering soothing words as if consoling a dear friend.

"Oh, dear ear, my precious sail! Hermit will mend you, yes, we will heal together! No more pain, my lovely friend, just love and care. Mmm, yes, that's it, a gentle touch for you, my brave ear! Don't worry, dear one, I'll patch you back to glory. Shhh, it's alright, my brave little lobe, the pain will subside soon."

He gently stroked the injured ear, his touch as delicate as a feather caressing a fragile bloom. "There, there, my darling," he murmured, "you're still beautiful to me, no matter what."

With a tender gaze, Hermit blew cool air onto the discolored skin, as if trying to ease its suffering. 

"Feel the breeze, my ear, it's like a gentle whisper from the wind, assuring you that everything will be alright."

With every stroke, he showered the wounded ear with a series of kisses, the sound of his smacking lips echoing through the room.

 "Kiss, kiss, kiss! There you go, my little champ! Hermit's magical kisses will make you feel all better!"

His devotion knew no bounds as he planted delicate licks upon the injured ear.

 "Lick, lick, lick! Mmm, my special healing licks! Feel the soothing magic of my tongue!"

"Mmm, see? Little pecks of love to mend your wounds. Look, see? Hermit's soft kisses and licks will make everything better. You're such a strong little ear, enduring all this pain," he whispered.

 Lisanna chuckled, seemingly amused by his reaction, and said, "I fixed your ear. Look, it is straight again. You can lift it up now."

Hermit, still wincing in pain, hesitantly tried to raise his ear, not daring to believe her words. To his amazement, he watched as his magnificent ear slowly began to rise, as if it were a proud sail once more. His eyes widened with awe, a glimmer of joy breaking through the pain. Hermit couldn't contain his excitement, a wide grin forming on his face as he marveled at his restored ear.

 "Oh! My magnificent ear, it's rising again! It is rising! Master Lisanna! You fixed my ear! Thank you! Thank you! Please! Fix my other ear as well! Please!" he cried with joy, a hint of his former liveliness returning.

Lisanna, enjoying the sense of power over the little goblin, decided to play hard to get. 

"I don't know," she taunted, relishing the moment. 

"You don't want to tell me what happened, so why should I fix your other ear?"

Hermit's heart sank, realizing that he might have jeopardized his chance for his other ear to be healed. In a desperate attempt to sway her, he leaped into the air and landed on his knees before her, his face smashed to the table in a begging bow, his feeble hands clasped together in a gesture of begging.

 With tears of hope in his eyes, he pleaded, "Master Lisanna! Please! Hermit will talk! I will tell you everything! Please fix my other ear! Please!"

Lisanna couldn't resist the sight of the pitiful goblin, and she decided to grant his wish. She firmly took hold of his other ear and pulled with great force, causing Hermit to jolt in pain once more. But this time, it was not just the pain he felt; it was a sensation of liberation as his other ear was also fixed and stood tall in the air, fluttering like a sail in the wind.

Overwhelmed with joy and relief, Hermit started to dance awkwardly, a hilarious yet heartwarming sight as he cackled with happiness. He marveled at his ears, now both standing proudly as if rejoicing in their newfound unity. His bulged belly made weird sloshing and gurgling sounds, a symphony of bizarre noises accompanying his jubilant dance.

Lisanna couldn't help but laugh heartily at Hermit's animated reaction. 

"My, my, what an amusing goblin you are!" she teased, enjoying the sight of his joyous dance and the strange sounds emanating from his bloated belly.

Hermit, still overwhelmed with happiness, wiggled and pranced around like a lively goblin, his face lighting up with pure delight.

 "Master Lisanna, you are truly a goddess of miracles! Look at my magnificent ears! They stand tall and proud, like banners of victory!" he applauded, unable to contain his excitement.

Lisanna raised an eyebrow, impressed by his sudden burst of enthusiasm.

 "Oh, is that so? Well, I could do you even better," she said with a hint of playfulness.

Seeing the chance to ingratiate himself further, Hermit continued to dance, twirling and spinning like a whirlwind.

 "Master Lisanna, I shall forever be in your debt! You have bestowed upon me the gift of restored ears! I shall sing praises of your greatness to the heavens! But what can you do more?" he asked dramatically, his voice echoing in the air.

Lisanna chuckled, thoroughly amused by his theatrics. 

"Oh, praise me all you want, little goblin. Just so you know, I could restore the beauty of your slightly scarred ear," she said with a smile.

Hermit's reaction was dramatic as he froze in place, his eyes bulging out of their sockets like two comically large marbles. His mouth gaped open so wide that it seemed as if he could swallow an entire watermelon. His ears, once again standing tall and proud, dropped to the ground in shock, seemingly unable to support the weight of the astonishing news. 

His voice quivered with excitement and awe as he stammered, "M-m-m-m-Master Lisanna, is that true? Can you really restore the former glory of Hermit's ears?"

Lisanna leaned in closer, her expression mysterious and alluring.

 "Yes, I can," she purred in a tantalizing tone, sending shivers down Hermit's spine. 

"But," she added, pausing for effect, "only if you tell me what happened to them. You see, Suzuka didn't tell me a thing. She said I should ask you instead. When did you two become such good friends to keep secrets from me, mmm?"

"M-master Helen didn't tell you? Master keep her promise?" he stammered, his eyes darting around nervously. 

 "I-I-I didn't mean to keep secrets, Master Lisanna. It's just... It's just that... It's a long and humiliating tale, and I was too ashamed to share it," he admitted with genuine vulnerability.

Hermit's entire body trembled as he pressed his quivering hands to his chest, shrinking down in utter humiliation. His once magnificent ears, now bruised and mangled, wrapped around him like grotesque shackles of shame. He sobbed uncontrollably, his gaze downcast, unable to bear the weight of the dreadful memory.

"It... It was Wrestling Raccoon," he stammered through his tears, his voice quivering with fear and sorrow.

 "Hermit... Hermit accidentally challenged him and lost. The raccoon... Oh, the horror!" He choked on his words, his breaths uneven and heavy.

His broken heart ached as he continued to recount the nightmarish ordeal.

 "The raccoon humiliated and defiled me... in every way imaginable. Just brutally beating me and violating me was not enough for that wicked creature. He... He robbed me of my precious ears... my pride, my identity... my treasure!" His voice trailed off, overcome with agony.

A shiver of terror ran down Hermit's spine as he vividly remembered the crushing pain of the chair slamming against his once majestic ears, mercilessly robbing him of their magnificence.

 "I-I thought my end had come... I thought I would perish in that wretched alley, abandoned and broken."

He paused, his body trembling even more violently, before continuing in a trembling whisper, "If not for Master Helen... Oh, Master Helen... She appeared like a savior in the darkest of nights. She... She stopped the beast and chased it away, sparing me from the clutches of that vile monster."

The memory of Suzuka's heroic intervention brought both relief and gratitude, but also a profound sense of helplessness. 

"I... I am nothing but a pitiful goblin," Hermit whimpered, his once vibrant spirit now crushed under the weight of his trauma.

 "I-I don't deserve such kindness and protection. I-I am a burden, a wretched creature deserving of nothing but disdain."

Lisanna's eyes widened with disappointment as she stared at Hermit, her face contorting in an expression of disdain. 

"What? That's it? Pfff! What a bore!" she said dramatically, flailing her hands in the air as if dismissing the story as mundane and uninteresting.

 "And why are you so depressingly melodramatic? You're like a walking crisis, Hermit! That raccoon accident seems like just another regular day in your chaotic life of the Goblin Extraordinaire!"

Hermit's eyes widened with surprise and then drooped in self-pity. He had hoped for some sympathy, some acknowledgment of the turmoil he faced daily. Instead, Lisanna seemed to brush it off as a mere blip on his chaotic radar.

Feeling sad, Hermit muttered, "Ah, yes. Hermit is like that all the time, this is nothing new. I should just forget about it and move forward." His voice trailed off, his spirit dampened by Lisanna's dismissive attitude.