Page 9 of Chaos Theory

NINE

It’s Kobi’s second day at Go Ireland and the plan to hide him in the gift shop is going well.

Granted, it’s not a long-term plan, but time seems to have slowed down and I’m very focused on the present.

Living moment to moment. My old yoga instructor would be thrilled.

I spent the morning pressing various buttons on Kobi’s control panel, each time asking him, ‘What does this one do?’

I didn’t go to tea break today either, but I did leave a big box of fancy donuts on the counter, with a note to say that they were ‘from Kobi’. The robot might be new, but people are still people. It can’t hurt.

I messaged Jen to see how the website restoration and upgrade was going.

She sent back a thumbs-up and nothing more.

I asked if she wanted to get lunch but she didn’t reply, so Kobi, Shane and I spent lunchtime in the park together – Kobi announcing the Latin name of every single tree and plant within his field of vision, Shane listing the cast members of every movie he’s seen in the last two weeks.

All told, it was quite the information overload.

Still, not an unpleasant way to pass the time.

Kobi has been asking a lot of questions about his surroundings, so now Shane offers to give him a tour of the gift shop. Shane explains that the shop was an afterthought to make use of a small annexe space on the ground floor of the building. He describes it as a ‘vanity project’ for JP’s wife.

The shop is sparsely furnished. It’s mostly empty space, in fact, with a few bits and bobs of tourism merch for sale next to a till on the counter.

Despite the absence of furniture, the walls feel like they’re closing in on you, due to the presence of three dozen or so paintings, displayed on every available wall surface.

I can tell Kobi is scanning the paintings. ‘Maeve, may I ask what tool was used to create these images?’

Shane and I look at each other.

‘It’s probably not polite to call her a tool.’ Shane holds my gaze. His mouth twitches at the corners.

‘Stop,’ I say, trying to straighten my own face. ‘Kobi, these pictures weren’t AI-generated. These were all made by Trish, my boss’s wife.’

Shane stretches his arms out on either side, almost as if he’s trying to push the paintings away.

I can tell he’s gearing up to deliver the speech he makes every time he has to do a stint in the gift shop.

He tells Kobi there are only two types of visitor to the shop.

The first is someone looking for the building exit who has gone wrong.

The second is someone who dearly wants to buy what he calls ‘some green tat’. Nobody ever buys the paintings.

‘JP says if I ever manage to make a sale, I’ll get a bonus. At first I tried really hard, but I’ve long since given up. It’s impossible. I mean, look at these things – pure gak!’

The pictures – of people and landscapes – are all done in the same style: pale watercolours on canvas.

But the proportions – of the faces and natural features – are, to put it mildly, not accurate to real life.

To put it unmildly, it’s like Dorian Gray went on an absolute bender while touring round Ireland, and we rented his attic while he was away.

We’re interrupted, thankfully, by the entrance of a customer. Or, at least, a person. To call them a customer is a bit pre-emptive. A fifty-something guy carrying a Science Museum tote bag. It’s hard to tell if he’s a hipster or just middle-aged.

Kobi turns to me. ‘May I greet the customer?’

‘Sure.’ I can analyse how this interaction goes, see if there’s any improvement on yesterday.

Kobi shuffles towards the man. ‘Welcome to the gift shop. I hope that we may improve your day with these fine artworks.’ He raises his arms up and out towards the paintings. I realise that he’s copying the gesture Shane made a few moments ago.

‘Oh!’ Only now does the man appear to fully take in his surroundings. ‘Did you…paint these?’ He moves to one wall to take a closer look. ‘Fascinating,’ he says in a low voice. Then, louder, not looking at us: ‘Is this part of that robot exhibition in the Science Museum next door?’

With, it has to be said, impressive speed, Shane adapts and applies himself to the new situation. He moves swiftly to stand next to Kobi, drapes his arm around the robot’s shoulder.

‘We’re very lucky to have Kobi here with us. He’s only here for a few weeks, then next stop Paris, Berlin, Budapest. He’s an amazing creature really – it’s fascinating, as you say, what he can produce.’

‘Oh wow.’ As the guy moves along the wall, still with his back to us, Shane brings his index finger to his lips and widens his eyes at me and Kobi.

Kobi asks, ‘Why must we be quiet, Shane?’

Shane starts coughing loudly. ‘Kobi, I think your battery might need recharging soon. Maybe you should go into sleep mode now, save a bit of energy.’

I consider intervening, but I’m curious about how this is going to play out.

‘How much for this one?’ The man points to a nightmarish depiction of the Cliffs of Moher. Ireland’s number-one tourist attraction looks like three sea monsters who’ve grumpily awoken mid-nap and are now seeking revenge on all who gaze upon them .

‘That one is only seventy-five euro,’ says Shane without missing a beat. ‘A bargain for such a unique perspective, don’t you think?’

He’s already taking the picture down from the wall and putting it into a bag at the till.

‘Congratulations, you are our first customer,’ Kobi says.

‘Today. Our first today ,’ says Shane, reaching for the card held out by the customer.

‘Hey, what’s going on here?’

All four of us turn to see Josh in the doorway. He said he’d be in this week to check on Kobi but hadn’t specified when. I’ve never been a huge fan of the pop-in. Even though I haven’t done anything wrong, I find myself blurting out, ‘It’s not what it looks like!’

What does it look like? Just a highly sophisticated robot helping to dupe a tourist into buying some bad art. Okay, it’s not an ideal scenario. But it’s not the worst thing either. It’s a grey area. Much like the Cliffs of Moher painting.

The tourist hesitates. He and Shane pause, each holding one end of the credit card above the counter. A mini tug of war begins. Eventually Shane releases the card from his grip. The man retreats and makes for the door.

Josh steps back to let him pass, then enters the room fully and seems to take up most of the space.

Unexpectedly, he smiles at me and it’s like a sunbeam cutting through the gloom.

All the tension in my body releases. For a second I think he’s advancing towards me, but he goes straight over to Kobi for an inspection.

‘So, they have you working in a shop. Interesting!’

I laugh, relieved I’m not in trouble.

‘This isn’t a typical shop. We rarely get any customers. It’s usually Tumbleweed City in here. By the way, this is my colleague Shane.’

Josh doesn’t look at him as he says, ‘Hi, Shane.’

He focuses his full attention on me. ‘Maeve, I’m sorry I couldn’t drop by sooner. But I want to hear all about the last twenty-four hours. I need to run a full diagnostic on Kobi, then can we go somewhere to talk?’