Page 62 of Chaos Theory
FIFTY-NINE
‘I just keep thinking that he’s there in the back seat,’ I say.
‘I know,’ says Shane. ‘Me too.’
We’ve been driving for a little while, mostly in silence.
When he picked me up outside my apartment, Shane asked me how I was feeling, but I didn’t have any words to reply.
He dropped me home last night and offered to stay with me, but I sent him home.
I just wanted to sleep after the adrenaline spike of the attempted Kobi rescue mission and the devastation of finding him already gone.
The dreamlike state that descended on me in the robot bay hasn’t really left me.
This could all be a simulation. Maybe I walked into a virtual reality simulator at RoboTron and haven’t come back out yet.
The fields and livestock going by the windows are all fake.
My body is stiff, a marionette moved by strings.
‘What do you think Josh has in mind?’ Shane asks.
‘I don’t know. But I’m glad we’re visiting the Farmers anyway. I owe them an explanation, especially after all they were going to do to help us. It’s better to tell them what’s happened in person. Although…’
‘Although? ’
I sigh. ‘Lizzie. The little girl, remember? I dread explaining things to her. She was really attached to Kobi. They had a weird but special bond. Like they were on the same wavelength.’
He sucks in air between his teeth. ‘Tricky. I remember my parents telling me our dog had gone to a nice farm in the countryside. What’s the robot equivalent of that, do you reckon? A nice tech company in Silicon Valley?’
I smile weakly, then the pain comes back.
I check the satnav. Another hour and a half til we reach our destination.
I remember Kobi’s delight at performing this navigational task on our trip around County Clare.
He gave us directions. He gave me direction, a focus.
Something outside myself. Something that needed me.
‘This is what happens,’ I say, quietly.
‘What do you mean?’
‘This is what happens when you try. When I try. You were right. All my life I’ve been pushing people away. I do it to protect myself. To protect myself from feeling like this.’
Shane doesn’t say anything for a minute.
Then he says, ‘Let me ask you something. The past two days… would you do anything differently?’
I think about this before answering.
‘No,’ I say slowly. ‘I would not. I had to try.’
‘Well, it’s not so bad then, is it?’
He removes one hand from the wheel and squeezes my knee very gently.
‘Welcome to life, Maeve McGettigan.’
On either side of the road, flat land stretches out until it meets the sky. Rivers rush by, but the trees do not hurry. The cows go about their slow cow business. And the road goes on before us.
I’m still here. Shane is still here. It’s not so bad.