Page 42 of Chaos Theory

FORTY

KOBI

I am helping Shane and Julia decorate the gift shop, under close supervision from Sandra Smith.

Julia explained to me at lunchtime that the party is in fact a ‘double celebration’ – of both Halloween and David’s birthday.

David did not appear overly excited by this, however, and repeated several times: ‘There’s no such thing as a Halloween birthday party.

’ As I have never experienced either type of party, I am highly curious about proceedings.

We are now installing all of the Halloween decorations, plus additional birthday supplies provided by Julia. I am enjoying the challenge of categorising birthday and Halloween elements into separate datasets. For example:

Red balloons = Birthday

Black balloons = Halloween

Orange balloons = Halloween AND/OR Birthday

Candles on top of food = Birthday

Candles inside food = Halloween

References to ageing = Birthday

References to death = Halloween

Shane has assigned me the task of projecting a light show onto a wall for the duration of the party. I am unsure if this is needless busy work – as Shane might style it – or essential to the creation of ‘a party atmosphere’, an area in which Shane holds some expertise.

‘Is there a formula for creating a party atmosphere?’ I ask Shane.

He climbs a chair and secures a banner to the ceiling.

‘Yes, but no one knows what it is. It’s ineffable.’

‘That is unhelpful data.’

I offer him my hand to steady his descent from the chair. He high-fives it instead and jumps down. He picks up a packet of balloons.

‘I can describe it to you but it’s impossible to reverse-engineer it. There are several key ingredients, and they need to combine in certain quantities, but no one can specify what those quantities are. I can tell you this though – the key to a good party is girls.’

‘Girls? I presume you mean women.’

‘Yes, Kobi. I mean women.’

He rolls his eyes and smiles. He blows into a balloon.

‘Do you mean the presence of women will ensure a good party?’

He ties the balloon.

‘No. But a party will only be good if the women are enjoying themselves. They’re like the canaries in the coal mine – you can look that up.

If the women are cold, no atmosphere. If the women are hungry, no atmosphere.

If the women won’t dance, no atmosphere.

If you’re at a party and a woman puts on a cardigan, forget about it, you might as well go home there and then. That thing is dead as disco.’

‘Food, temperature, music – it seems fairly straightforward, Shane. Not exactly rocket science, as you yourself might say.’

‘Ha, are you mocking me? I’d like to see what kind of party you’d throw.’

He takes another balloon and blows into it.

‘I am happy to help, if I may. Perhaps I should circulate at the party and capture all of the women’s cardigans?’

The balloon flies around the room, making a wet, whirring sound.

‘No, Kobi – please don’t do that. You just focus on the lights, okay? Lights are very important.’

1450

When the room is ready, it is time for me and Shane to put on our costumes. Shane chose the outfits. All week, he has refused to disclose the details. He now produces 2 bags. From a quick scan, I detect polyester material, predominantly in 2 colours: silver and brown.

‘Any guesses?’ He unpacks the bags and lays the costumes on the table. ‘I’ll give you a hint. Think classic movies.’

‘Insufficient data,’ I say. ‘I could, however, list every movie considered a classic, even though such designations are essentially a subjective matter of opinion.’

‘You’re no fun,’ Shane says. But he says it with a smile. ‘I’ll just tell you. It’s The Wizard of Oz . You’re the Tin Man and I’m the Scarecrow.’

He places a flimsy metal-coloured cone on my head.

I quickly parse all available data about the movie and its characters. ‘Is that how you see me? A tin man with no heart?’

It is technically accurate that I do not possess a heart, but to compare my parts to tin – a material commonly used to make cheap metal alloys – borders on insulting .

‘No, no, not at all. I mean, not really. It just made the most sense for you to be the Tin Man. Rather than me, I mean. The main thing is, we have to dress as characters from that movie.’

‘Why?’

‘Well, I think we’re still borderline in JP’s books. Our presentation went well on Monday, but we need to keep him sweet if this arrangement’ – he gestures toward me – ‘is to continue. Maeve has gotten very fond of you, you know.’

This statement pleases me enormously. ‘Thank you. But how do these costumes?—’

‘Getting to that. JP mentioned on Tuesday that his wife, Trish, is coming to the party today, and that she’s dressing up as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz.

He wouldn’t tell me what he was dressing as, but he said it was a couple’s costume and there was fur involved.

So I’m guessing he’s coming as the Lion. So I thought?—’

‘That we should dress as the other characters? Thereby pleasing Trish, thereby implanting a positive association for us in JP’s mind?’

‘Now you’re getting it,’ Shane says. ‘Human beings are actually very easily manipulated.’

‘I wish you had told me that 5 weeks ago,’ I say.

1501

Shane looks at his watch. He expresses 2 contradictory opinions about the timing of the party. He says it is ‘criminally early’ to throw a party at 1500. However, the party is taking place during working hours – a situation Shane describes as ‘beating the system’.

‘What happens if the party continues past 1700?’ I ask him.

‘Then, my friend, we are in uncharted waters. A no man’s land of potential. Or potential badness, at least.’

If it was possible for me to shrug, I would. ‘Please clarify,’ I say.

‘Anything could happen,’ Shane says.

‘Anything could happen,’ I repeat .

Somewhat alarmed, I put my emergency systems on standby and check my battery level.

Julia and David arrive together at 1503.

‘Dave, you’re gonna love it,’ she says. ‘The lads have done a great job on the decorations.’ I am pleased at her approval.

Then I notice their party outfits. They are both wearing white t-shirts with the same picture on the front.

I am drawn to the design, and within 3 seconds I analyse and recognise it.

It is a copy of the crude portrait that David made of me at the art event – including the large red X through the centre.

I am a little confused and several different emotions fire at once.

Shane looks at the shirts and laughs. ‘Hey, those are great. You kept the X and all?’

‘Yep! Leaning into it,’ Julia says. ‘Kobi, do you like them?’

I consider the question. I know that David made the original picture to express animosity toward me.

But that was 3 weeks and 2 days ago. Much has happened since.

David and Julia have clearly gone to some effort to recreate the image and print it onto shirts, and to wear it on a special occasion in human culture – a ‘double celebration’, in fact.

‘It is a great honour.’ I bow slightly in David’s direction. ‘David – happy birthday.’

‘Thanks, man.’ David lightly punches my upper arm. I am beginning to understand that minor aggressions are perhaps a means of communication for David.

‘Where’s Maeve?’ Julia says.

Shane hands her a drink the colour of methyl orange. ‘Ah, she can’t make it. She’s at some conference.’

‘Maeve and Josh are attending an AI conference at the Shannon Hotel, Athlone,’ I provide helpfully.

‘Sorry, man,’ David says to Shane.

Shane shrugs. ‘I better help Sandra with the drinks.’

He walks to the other side of the room, where Sandra Smith is placing frozen plastic eyeballs into an array of high-ball glasses. She is dressed as a vampire .

‘Poor fella,’ David says.

We all watch as Sandra Smith laughs at something Shane says. She puts her hand on his arm.

‘I think he’ll live,’ Julia says. Then she says, ‘Hey, Kobi. If you like these shirts, wait til you see what DC is wearing.’

As she speaks, a figure enters the room.

My systems momentarily threaten to overload as I process the visual data.

For an instant I forget that I am dressed as the Tin Man and I get the sensation that I am looking into a mirror, but I soon realise that in fact I am observing DC Jen in an elaborate Halloween costume.

It appears that she has mimicked my look to the best of her abilities.

She is wearing a body suit, with metallic-coloured cardboard on her arms and torso, and she is wearing a mask, with only the lower portion of her face visibly human.

She still has legs, of course, although it seems she has attached two large bicycle wheels to the outside of her knees.

‘Of course you had to come in on wheels on Monday!’ she says. ‘Nearly ruined it! Luckily I had an old bike in the shed. What do you think?’ She turns around 360 degrees to allow for complete surveillance.

‘I am speechless.’ I finally understand why humans use this expression.

My Emotion Detector is firing rapidly. Until this moment, I have not encountered another being that so closely resembles me. I experience many powerful emotions, including recognition, curiosity, empathy and another element I cannot identify.

Finally, my emotion sensors clarify. ‘I am…happy,’ I say.